Life Sucks

Double Rejection! Yesterday, not only did I receive a (surprisingly prompt!) rejection letter from The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, but I also didn't get the Little Mermaid solo. Out of thirty girls, I was one of five callbacks. And of the five callbacks, I was one of the two asked to sing again, while the choir director went on at length about he wished he could fall on his sword instead of having to choose between the two of us (my competitor actually suggested we alternate between concerts and on tour, a suggestion I now wish I had supported and brought before the choir director).

We were very close (the director said), but I lost out because apparently I'd taken too much liberty with the solo rhythm (I think I stretched the "sure...she's got everything" line too long)and there were going to be instruments other than the piano accompanying the soloist who couldn't adjust to the soloist's speed. So I'm Number Two, which seems appropriate, because I feel like shit. I got really emotionally invested in this solo - I've auditioned, won, and lost solos before, but this was The Little Mermaid. There will doubtless be other solos, but not another Little Mermaid - at least for several years. I felt this solo was perfect for my particular voice type, so now I'm left thinking: if I can't get this solo, how in hell am I going to get any other solo in the future? I've had several good long cries over the last six hours while meditating on that subject.

There's still hope, I suppose. As Number Two, I'm the understudy - so if Number One gets sick or can't perform, I can get the part. A sympathetic choir member also informed me that I had a pretty good chance of getting an opportunity to sing the solo on tour, because after the fourth day Number One will probably be hella tired. As much as I'd like to wish that Number One got sick, or decided she didn't want the solo and wanted to give it to me because I clearly wanted it so badly, or realized that she'd won an all-expenses paid trip to Paris but could only take it the week she had to go on tour (not being able to go on tour being a disqualifying factor - I still might have hope on that one because Number One appeared to be surprised by that condition. Choir Director said, "You're going on tour, right?" Her response, "Well...I am now."), but I doubt it's going to happen. As hard as I find it to believe that someone might have wanted this solo as much as I did, I can only give Number One the benefit of a doubt and assume she is ecstatic at getting such a wonderful solo. I also doubt that she'll catch an awful cold and lose her voice for both the Mini-Tour Concert and the Annual Concert (both of which are recorded, with the better sounding performance ending up on the Annual CD).

So again, life sucks.