I had a pretty good year in regards to finding books I loved. However, every rose has its thorn. In 365 days and 81 books, 10 of those thorns insulted, outraged, and disgusted me enough to merit a C- grade or lower. With the year drawing to a close, it's time to bring these books to justice and go all Judge Judy on them for their Crimes Against Literature.
ANIMEJUNE'S WORST BOOKS OF 2013
COURT IS NOW IN SESSION!
Last Summer at Mars Hill, by Elizabeth Hand. Fantasy, Anthology. C-
Charged With: 3 Counts of Boring Writing, Bottom-Heavy Plotting, Gratuitous Sex and Violence, Inexplicable Plots, Pretentious Unpleasantness.
Verdict: This story collection is a pretty mixed bag of gross, inexplicable and pretentious nonsense. Two or three stories are actually good, but the rest are so ugly or difficult to understand that it's not worth purchasing the collection. I sentence this anthology to being turned into a pig and eaten alive by convicted murderers turned into dogs, as seen in the "Justice" story in this collection.
Fathomless, by Jackson Pearce. YA, Fantasy. C-
Charged With: Criminally Stupid Worldbuilding, Overuse of Violence Against Women as a Plot Point, Improper Use of Werewolves, Failure to Explain Ending, Assault with a Poorly-Written Split Personality.
Verdict: Pearce's modern adaptation of The Little Mermaid started off decently enough, until it reached the halfway point and jumped off the Crazy Cliff to smash against the rocks of Terrible Ideas. Like how being internally conflicted and indecisive automatically means you have an alternate personality who wants to murder you. Or how mermaids eventually turn into soul-stealing, twin-eating werewolves because science. Oh, and thanks for yet another violent story where the exploited and kidnapped victims are exclusively women. Awesome. I sentence this novel to sleep with the fishes.
Altered, by Jennifer Rush. YA, Science Fiction. D+
Charged With: Unregistered Use of a Man-Worshiping Placeholder Heroine (see: Bella's Law), Unlawful Objectification of Underage Scientifically-Enhanced Boys, Plotting Under the Influence of Hot Abs, Criminal Lack of Female Supporting Characters.
Verdict: Altered is, by far, one of the silliest reads of the year. Our dim bulb heroine spends her days cooing at the hot, drugged-up teenage boys her scientist dad keeps caged in his basement, obliviously content with their confinement, until they escape to find out who they really are - and only the heroine can decode the clues they have tattooed on their abs. I'm dead serious. I sentence this novel to take a cold shower and pass a university-level course on bioethics.
The Burning Sky, by Sherry Thomas. YA, Fantasy. D
Charged With: Unlawful Use of a Mary Sue, Cheap Worldbuilding, Insufficient Plotting and Stakes, Completely Unnecessary Cross-Dressing Subplot, Overuse of Magical Plot Devices.
Verdict: My regular readers know I adore Sherry Thomas' romances, so it surprised the hell out of me that The Burning Sky, her first fantasy-YA effort, was such a weak and contrived mess. Combine a stereotypical Mary Sue heroine who is perfect at everything (including cricket on the first try!), a poorly-established and overly-convenient magical system, derivative worldbuilding, plus repetitive plotting and you have a read that is stultifying and irritating by turns. I sentence this novel to three years reading Tamora Pierce - that's how you do cross-dressing other-world fantasy!
Far, Far Away, by Tom McNeal. YA, Fantasy. D
Charged With: Assault with a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Unlawful Use of a Gary Stu, Reckless and Erratic Tone, Misrepresentation of Mental Illness, Improper Use of Ghost Narrator.
Verdict: This book was one crazy hot mess - I could never determine whether it was a disgustingly inappropriate Middle Grade book or an annoyingly immature Young Adult book. The tone varies wildly from infantile set-pieces to torture dungeons, leaving plenty of room to introduce a cheap Token Gay Character for sympathy, a Mentally Ill Character to heal with the Power of Love, and a Pedophile Character for laughs (yes, it's funny when the local police officer's in love with the 15-year-old heroine!). I sentence this novel to several weeks of in-depth psychological therapy and to enrol in sensitivity training on how to properly represent Women, Gay People, People Struggling with Depression, Repressed German Ghosts, and Pederasts.
You Can't Hurry Love, by Christine Ridgway. Romance, Contemporary. D
Charged With: Second Degree Slut Shaming, Plotting while Above the Legal Limit on Matchmaking Prequel Characters, Possession of an AlphHole Hero, Romanticization of Violence, Unauthorized Use of a Psychic Power, Improper Use of Ghost Characters.
Verdict: Christie Ridgway is another author whose novels I've loved - but not this clunky and contrived conclusion to a less-than-stellar trilogy about a family winery. Nothing happens naturally in this novel. The characters don't behave like people so much as blank cogs forced to spin a certain way to power the machine of the plot. And the patronizing, manipulative, alphhole hero and stereotypical "wild slutty Italian" heroine make a terrible pair - with the hero "patiently" controlling the heroine's "urges." I sentence this novel to abstain from all alcoholic beverages for a year - especially magical plot device wine!
Charged With: Criminal Neglect of Character Development, Possession of a Dumb as Hell Plot Twist, 1 Count of Boring Writing, Insufficient Conflict.
Verdict: I made the mistake of paying top-dollar for a hardcover edition of this novella about two protagonists rich in bad decision-making skills and poor in personality who trick their parents into letting them get married - by enacting as boring and conflictless a plot as they can. I sentence both protagonists of this novel to get personality transplants.
Charged With: Misrepresentation of Mental Illness, Intolerable Plot Cruelty.
Verdict: Despite a strong heroine, Sanctum's hideous story concept trumped any attempt to enjoy this novel. Our heroine discovers people who commit suicide are sent to a gloomy, horrific city in the afterlife where they shuffle around getting eaten by demons or trying to kill themselves again. The novel touts the concept that suicidal people are defective and deserve to be punished for their weakness - including the hero, a guardian of this gruesome purgatory, who killed himself while in Auschwitz, only to be told that his suffering didn't "earn" him a "free ticket" out of his apparently rightful punishment. Everything about the novel's concept was repugnant. I sentence this novel to Literary Hell to suffer FOREVER.
Nobody's Baby But Mine, by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. Romance, Contemporary. D-
Charged With: Gross Misogyny, Objectification of Women, Second Degree Slut Shaming, Racism, Positive Demonstrations of Abusive Behaviour, Stereotyping Over the Legal Limit, Criminally Stupid Plot.
Verdict: Our heroine is a professional physicist and amateur bigot who believes she has to bone a mouth breather if she wants a baby who isn't a freaky super-genius like her. Our hero is a 36 year old football player who believes all single women over 30 are desperate and "turning brown at the edges." And they decide to procreate. How wonderful for the universe. What follows is a daisy-chain of terrible choices made by a racist intellectual elitist and a chauvinist pig. You're welcome. I sentence this novel to play professional football without a helmet.
And AnimeJune's Absolute Worst Read of 2013 is:
Everything and the Moon, by Julia Quinn. Romance, Historical. F+
Charged With: Gross Misogyny, First Degree Male Privilege, Romanticization of Abusive Behaviour, 3 Counts of Rape as Plot Device, Misrepresentation of Heroine's Consent, Rape Culture in the First Degree, TSTL Behaviour.
Verdict: The only thing worse than a Rapey Romance is one that tries to be cute and fluffy while being a Rapey Romance. The sociopathic narcissist disguised as the hero engages in several "hilarious" hijinks to get the heroine to marry him - these include stalking her, assaulting her, getting her fired from her job, and abducting her to his isolated seaside rape cottage to "persuade" her to say yes. But our silly heroine keeps trying to foolishly escape! Thankfully, the novel shows us how petty and vindictive the heroine is by remaining too "focused on the past" to consent to sex.
I sentence this novel to be thrown at a wall as hard as it possibly can. And then burned in a dumpster fire.
The Best of the Rest:
In This House of Brede, by Rumer Godden. Fiction, Contemporary (circa 1960). A
Pros: Diverse cast of female characters, eye-opening examination into monastic life. Cons: No real plot.
Fangirl, by Rainbow Rowell. YA, Contemporary. A
Pros: Lively and relateable heroine. Great examination of creative process. Hilarious skewering of fandoms. Cons: A wee bit on the long side. Love interest is great - but maybe a little too perfect?
Code Name Verity, by Elizabeth Wein. YA, Historical. A
Pros: Excellent twist, well developed heroines, great historical detail, emotional ending. Cons: Bit slow to start.
The Last Hellion, by Loretta Chase. Romance, Historical. A
Pros: AMAZING heroine, great writing and plotting. Cons: Villain is an inconsistent cartoon.
Teeth, by Hannah Moskowitz. YA, Fantasy. A
Pros: Effective setting, heart-tugging characters, thought-provoking themes. Cons: Some unresolved issues. Uneven ending. Extremely dark.
Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn. Thriller, Contemporary. A
Pros: Phenomenal writing, excellent pay off. Cons: Sluggish pacing in the middle, creeeeepy creepy storyline.
Someone Else's Love Story, by Joshilyn Jackson. Fiction, Contemporary. A-
Pros: Great writing, well-developed characters, interesting themes regarding faith and fact. Cons: The resolution is a bit sudden and pat.
Pros: Great writing, well-developed characters, interesting themes regarding faith and fact. Cons: The resolution is a bit sudden and pat.
The 5th Wave, by Rick Yancy. YA, Science Fiction. A-
Pros: Fantastic heroine, strong concept, interesting themes, entertaining romance. Cons: Plot is a bit unfocused, too much depressing navel-gazing.
Deerskin, by Robin McKinley. Fantasy, Fairy-Tale Retelling. A-
Pros: Gorgeous writing, exquisite detail, excellent build of tension. Cons: Slow pacing, ending is a bit abrupt.
Some Kind of Fairy Tale, by Graham Joyce. Fantasy, Contemporary. A-
Pros: Fantastic writing, well-developed characters, great use of themes. Cons: The actual fairyland scenes pale in comparison to the rest of the novel.
Kiss the Morning Star, by Elissa Janine Hoole. YA, Contemporary. A-
Pros: Thoughtful integration of religion into the plotline. Exquisite writing style. Cons: Wonky pacing, inscrutable character decisions, abbreviated ending.
First Comes Love, by Christie Ridgway. Romance, Contemporary. B+
Pros: Amazing and effective setting, hilarious dialogue, excellent female characters. Cons: Unbelievable initial set-up that makes heroine look like a crazy person.
Vessel, by Sarah Beth Durst. High Fantasy. B+
Pros: Interesting worldbuilding, great exploration of sacrifice. Cons: Confusing and contradictory conclusion.
Pros: Interesting worldbuilding, great exploration of sacrifice. Cons: Confusing and contradictory conclusion.
Rose Under Fire, by Elizabeth Wein. YA, Historical. B+
Pros: Well-written, great themes and use of storytelling. Cons: Emotionally distancing.
The Third Angel, by Alice Hoffman. Fiction, Historical, Contemporary. B+
Black Powder War, by Naomi Novik. Fantasy, Historical. B+
Pros: Dependable world building, nice character development, excellent historical detail. Cons: Meandering plot. Middle-book-itis.
Rainbow Boys, by Alex Sanchez. YA, Contemporary, LGBT. B+
Pros: Good pacing, well-drawn characters and themes. Cons: Writing style is skewed a little young.
The Red Garden, by Alice Hoffman. Fantasy, Fiction, Short Story Collection. B+
Pros: All solid stories set within the same setting along a chronological time period. Cons: One or two of the stories don't really go anywhere, but that's about it.
Thieftaker, by D.B. Jackson. Mystery, Fantasy, Historical. B
Pros: Interesting setting, colourful characters. Cons: Repetitive plot, so-so mystery.
Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Fantasy, Contemporary. B
Pros: Lively humour. Cons: Not very memorable.
One Perfect Rose, by Mary Jo Putney. Romance, Historical. B
Pros: Protagonists are refreshingly reasonable, happy people. Cons: Cliche-laden. Silly ghost ending.
Counting by 7s, by Holly Goldberg Sloan. Middle Grade. B
Pros: Lovely writing style, nicely balanced tone. Cons: Weird, unsatisfying ending.
Written On Your Skin, by Meredith Duran. Romance, Historical. B
Pros: Exquisite writing, great dialogue, good heroine. Cons: Slack pacing, no real suspense plot, couldn't connect with story.
Reconstructing Amelia, by Kimberly McCreight. Mystery, Contemporary. B
Pros: Interesting examination of mothers and daughters, excellent use of alternate POVs. Cons: First half of the novel is really slow, main character is rather terrible at crime solving.
Openly Straight, by Bill Konigsberg. YA, Contemporary, LGBT. B
Pros: Interesting concept, original discussion, good characters. Cons: Main character is a bit whiny and privileged, ultimate pay off a little too obvious.
The Sweet Dead Life, by Joy Preble. YA, Fantasy. B
Pros: Great heroine voice, delicious descriptions of Mexican food. Cons: Wackadoodle plotting.
Pros: Great heroine voice, delicious descriptions of Mexican food. Cons: Wackadoodle plotting.
The Hidden Heart, by Laura Kinsale. Romance, Historical. B
Pros: Exotic settings, developed villains, good heroine. Cons: Meandering plot, too-angsty-to-live hero.
The Universe Versus Alex Woods, by Gavin Extence. YA, Contemporary. B
Pros: Humorous writing style, interesting subjects. Cons: Unfocused plot line.
The Killing Moon, by N.K. Jemisin. High Fantasy. B
Pros: Original and detailed world building, interesting plot, diverse characters. Cons: Uneven worldbuilding leaves plot holes, characters are colourful but shallow.
The Bridal Season, by Connie Brockway. Romance, Historical. B
Pros: Fluffy and charming - plus a lovely Beta hero. Cons: Unrealistic, a bit shallow.
Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock, by Matthew Quick. YA, Contemporary. B-
Pros: Explores life and death and how children are failed by parents and authority figures. Cons: Couldn't connect to hero, some pretentiousness.
Pros: Explores life and death and how children are failed by parents and authority figures. Cons: Couldn't connect to hero, some pretentiousness.
A Woman Entangled, by Cecilia Grant. Romance, Historical. B-
Pros: Lovely writing, as always. Unconventional set-up. Cons: Lame pay-off, too little conflict, passive heroine.
The Governess Affair, by Courtney Milan. Romance, Historical, Novella. B-
Pros: Doozy of a conflict. Cons: Not in the right mind to really enjoy it.
Hot Under the Collar, by Jackie Barbosa. Romance, Historical, Novella. B-
Pros: Mature, reasonable characters. Some nice drama. Cons: Conflict is solved too easily.
Speechless, by Hannah Harrington. YA, Contemporary. B-
Pros: Excellent character development, original concept, great themes. Cons: Childish writing style, weak ending.
Trial by Desire, by Courtney Milan. Romance, Historical. C+
Pros: Awesome heroine, interesting dramatic plot. Cons: Condescending jerkface hero.
The Infinite Moment of Us, by Lauren Myracle. YA, Romance. C+
Pros: Good development of heroine's parents, nice supporting characters. Cons: A poorly-drawn Evil Slut Villain, no real plot, goopy romance.
Dragon Keeper, by Robin Hobb. Fantasy, High. C+
Pros: Interesting world building. Cons: Too much fanservice and repetitive exposition, too little actual story. Incredibly slow set-up and abrupt ending.
Simply Love, by Mary Balogh. Romance, Historical. C+
Pros: Nuanced heroine. Interesting mother-son relationship. Lovely setting. Cons: Slow pacing and too little conflict. Overabundant and intrusive prequel- AND sequel-baiting.
The Mockingbirds, by Daisy Whitney. YA, Contemporary. C+
Pros: Excellent depiction of recovery from assault. Awesome female characters. Cons: Central gimmick is just that - a gimmick, and a boring one at that.
How to Say Goodbye in Robot, by Natalie Standiford. YA, Contemporary. C+
Pros: Original characters. Cons: Male protagonist is an assface, heroine's family problems are resolved too easily.
Pros: Original characters. Cons: Male protagonist is an assface, heroine's family problems are resolved too easily.
Warm Bodies, by Isaac Marion. Horror, Contemporary. C
Pros: Lovely writing, interesting themes. Cons: Poorly developed setting and world building, pretentious message.
Follow My Lead, by Kate Noble. Romance, Historical. C
Pros: Unconventional Regency setting. Charming hero. Cons: Boring top-heavy plot, TSTL ninny heroine.
Christmas Beau, by Mary Balogh, of the Christmas Bride/Beau compilation. Romance, Historical. C
Pros: The setting, I guess. Cons: Dithering martyr heroine, vengeful asshat hero, drippy secondary romance.
Pros: The setting, I guess. Cons: Dithering martyr heroine, vengeful asshat hero, drippy secondary romance.
This is W.A.R., by Lisa Roecker and Laura Roecker. YA, Contemporary. C
Pros: Revenge. Cons: Cliched, unlikable characters. Badly constructed plot.
To Catch a Bride, by Anne Gracie. Romance, Historical. C
Pros: Interesting setting (at first), strong and practical heroine (at first). Cons: Nothing gold can stay - also, insensitive portrayal of barren women.
The DNF Graveyard:
The Assassin's Curse, by Cassandra Rose Clarke. YA, Fantasy. DNF
Pros: Pirates and assassins. Cons: Boring, stupid, and whiny pirates and assassins.
The Postmistress, by Sarah Blake. Fiction, Historical. DNF
Pros: Historical detail, decent writing. Cons: Utterly boring and a complete lack of plot.
Hope's Folly, by Linnea Sinclair. Romance, Science-Fiction. DNF
Pros: Great worldbuilding, lots of detail. Cons: Too much detail, drowning in detail, boring boring detail, just not enough story.
Never Lie To a Lady, by Liz Carlyle. Romance, Historical. DNF
Pros: Excellent setting and detail, complex character backgrounds. Cons: Overly-complex backgrounds, boring characters, hero is inexplicably and melodramatically angsty, too many details not enough plot or emotional investment.
