"Lord of the Fading Lands," by C.L. Wilson

Alternate Title: All You Need Is One Good Reisen. Er, Feyreisen.

The Chick: Ellysetta "Ellie" Baristani. A strange, carrot-topped foundling adopted by a kindly woodcarver and his wife, Ellie considers herself too weird and plain-looking to attract a good husband - until she inexplicably calls Rain Tairen Soul, King of the Fey, down from the sky to declare her his truemate.
The Rub: Rain represents magic, mystery, and madness - all the things she is trying to flee from or suppress in herself. Also, regardless of the inevitability of truemating, the human aristocracy is less than pleased that the King of the Fey wants to elevate a mere peasant to be his Queen.
Dream Casting: Kirsten Dunst.

The Dude: Rainier vel'En Daris Feyreisen - a.k.a. Rain Tairen Soul. As a "tairen soul," Rain can control all five magics (the four elements and Spirit), and can shapeshift into a tairen (giant flying cat). Tairen Souls are not meant to have truemates, but when he bonds with a young girl from Celieria, all rules change.
The Rub: While a truemate gives Rain a chance at true love, it also puts himself and the Fey in extreme danger. The last time Rain lost a woman he cared about, he nearly destroyed the world in his madness - and the Fey have many enemies who would love to get to Rain through Ellie.
Dream Casting: Eric Bana.

The Plot:

Rain: How am I ever going to save my people?

Eye of Truth Magical Whatchamacallit: *Here! Have this plot device!*

Rain: Ellysetta Baristani! You are my truemate!

Ellie: You gotta be kidding me.

Rain: No, really!

Celieran Aristocracy: Ellysetta? She's an ugly peasant! *snub*

Rain: GRAAH! SHE IS PRETTY AND PERFECTLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND I WILL MAGICALLY PISTOLWHIP ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE! ARRRGH! GROWL!

Ellie: Chill, Rain.

Rain: HOW CAN I CHILL, YOU ARE THE HEART OF MY HEART AND I MUST BLOW EVERY SINGLE ANNOYANCE YOU HAVE COMPLETELY OUT OF PROPORTION ISN'T THAT WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT?

Ellie: Uh...sure.

Rain: Gah! I swore to your father we wouldn't make whoopie until we were wed!

Ellie: Waaaah!

Rain: But - I can still make magical whoopie!

Ellie: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist

1 Red-headed Heroine with Body Issues

1 UberAlpha Male

1 DESTINY WILLS IT love match

1 Bitchy McBitchface

1 Romantically Lacklustre Rival

2 Precocious Children

2 Cups of Caffeinated Aphrodisiac

2 Counts of Magic-Induced Horniness

The Word: This book, I fear, is yet another novel to give me the dreaded Reviewer's Angst. So many people loved this book! It's critically acclaimed! Seen as a classic! Oh, it's so wonderful!

And I was so looking forward to it, too. I love me some high fantasies (try Robin Hobb and Kate Elliot's stuff sometime, hoo boy), and I love me some romance. I was honestly expecting Lord of the Fading Lands to be the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of novels - just the right mixture of fantasy and romance. Sadly, no. Now, Lord of the Fading Lands isn't a terrible novel, but let's just say that the peanut butter is yummy enough but the chocolate is sadly tasteless and bland. What do I mean? Read on.

Rain Tairen Soul is in a rather doozy of a fix. His people, the Fey, are dying out. So are the Fey's companion race, the Tairen - enormous, fire-breathing, venomous, flying cats (no, I'm not kidding). Rain himself is the last Tairen Soul - a special, more powerful type of Fey who possesses superior magic as well as the ability to change into a tairen at will. He's also several thousand years old and rather legendary - mostly for the time he nearly destroyed the world when his wife Sariel was murdered. But, hey, a thousand years heals all wounds, right? When he asks the Eye of Truth for a way to save both races, the sparkling plot device shows him a blurry image of red hair and green eyes and a brief glimpse of a human city, Celieria. Unsure of what he'll find there, he nevertheless gathers some warriors and goes for a visit.

Meanwhile, in Celieria, our heroine Ellie Baristani is being courted by a brute her parents wish her to marry. When the pig assaults her, Rain hears her mental screams for help and realizes the woman he's looking for is his shei'tani, or truemate. This comes as a bit of a shock, as Tairen Souls aren't supposed to have truemates, but he figures the fates believe in "desperate times call for desperate measures." The next day, during a parade, he recognizes Ellie and quickly claims her as his truemate, setting a horde of plotlines big and small into motion.

Let me say right off that the magical and political elements of this novel were quite interesting. Rain's choice of Ellie complicates the Fey's shaky alliance with Celieria and its nobles. Thanks to some shady doings in the North perpetrated by dahl'reisen, or banished Fey, public opinion on Fey in general isn't very high and Rain's meddling only stirs things up further. The aristocracy resent being forced to kowtow to a peasant-girl-turned-Queen, and the general public resent Rain's meddling in Celierian laws (such as when he gets the king to release Ellie from her former engagement).

As well, news that the leader of the Fey has chosen a truemate brings all sorts of evil crawling out of the woodwork, including the Fey's bitterest enemies, the Mages of Eld. Mages use magic to brainwash and control people and incited the wars that destroyed many of Rain's dearest friends and relations a thousand years ago. The Eld have a very ritualistic sort of magic which the novel details quite intriguingly - a mage can't simply up and mind-control anyone he pleases, but instead must maintain contact with a certain person to obtain increasing levels of control over them before the bond is complete, and reading about how the villains manage this was quite exciting. The magic and the world-building are both clever and consistent.

This was all yummy peanut butter, but what prevented me from wholly liking this novel was the fact that the other half of this combination - the chocolate, the romance - is incredibly flimsy. At first I feared this might just be a matter of my personal taste but as I continued to read I also found the hero and heroine to be the worst-drawn characters in the novel.

I'm going to come right out and say it - I do not like the idea of Soul Mate romances. Not the kind where people meet and have a great connection and believe that life somehow arranged for them to meet their perfect half. I like those. I don't mind stories where fate intervenes subtly for the hero and heroine to get together (like Jennifer Crusie's Bet Me). What I don't like are stories where Fate reaches out and plonks the hero and heroine together in a magically ham-handed fashion and says "You're romantically stuck together thanks to *Magical MacGuffin Bond*, deal with it" from the very beginning of the novel.

The main reason I don't like it is because I believe the best romances are where the hero and heroine develop romantically on their own - they gain feelings for the other by getting to know them, growing more intimate with them, discovering how well they fit. The Soul Mate romance decrees that the hero and heroine are in love immediately because DESTINY/THE AUTHOR WILLS IT, not thanks to the consequences of the characters' interactions or how they deal with each other - like, uh, in real life. I get really itchy over the idea that the hero and heroine immediately lust for each other because of magic - how does their love have meaning if they're not responsible for it?

Anyway, that's how I reacted at first to the development of Rain and Ellie's romance, and I tried very hard to see beyond my personal taste to the storytelling itself, but in my opinion, the novel fails there, too. I liked neither character and pretty soon didn't much care how their romance developed.

What the author told me about Rain never really matched up with what his actions and thoughts showed me. The story tells us that Rain is more than a thousand years old, a king and a legend, but his inability to see the bigger picture, his black-and-white worldview, and his overaggressive reactions to the slightest of insults indicate a much younger character. I find it hard to believe that a man with more than a millenium under his belt wouldn't have learned about shades of grey, that there are no easy solutions, and that yelling and throwing temper tantrums because people don't immediately agree with you doesn't inspire the confidence and respect you feel you deserve.

That being said, Ellie's no prize either - she's a martyr, a doormat, and a Mary Sue all in one. Irritatingly passive, yet superhumanly patient and kind, she eases the pain of Rain (heh) and other Fey simply by existing. How - convenient. She spends most of the novel either fawning over Rain's macho manliness or whimpering in terror either at Rain's overmacho manliness (he walks a fine line, believe me) or at her own secret magic. But of course, she's just so good and pure, she's the perfect balm for macho macho Rain. Oh! And let's not forget how convinced she is that she's completely ugly and undesirable. Gag me.

I've said this before and I'll say this again - the best romances occur between protagonists who are equally matched, and this is not the case here. Rain essentially takes over Ellie's life and controls everything about her because because DESTINY WILLS IT. He treats her like a possession - he orders her about ("for her own good," natch), dictates who she can be friends with, and forbids any male not related to her to touch her (because, and I'm not kidding here - it would just make Rain too crazy). And Ellie of course allows all this, even though the increased public scrutiny and threats upon her life put a severe strain on her.

And as for romantic development - what development? Rain feels OVERPOWERINGLY HYPERBOLIC EXPLOSIONS OF LUST AND UNCONTROLLABLE EMOTION right from the start, before he even knows who she is, so it's never really explained what he sees in her later. And - readers, let's be honest - who here loves the Hero Defense Scene? You know what I'm talking about. It's the scene in a novel where the heroine is snubbed or insulted by someone - a cold family member, a rival, an ex - and the hero just swoops in and PUTS THE SMACKDOWN on whomever was stupid enough to mess with his lady. Don't you love those types of scenes?

You won't after reading Lord of the Fading Lands. Why? Because they occur every two pages. Ellie has a remarkably large cast of people who wish her ill - from snobby aristocrats to arrogant craftsmen to pushy tutors to the neighbourhood's Bitchy McBitchface Kelissande - and Rain makes it his personal goal to personally and violently threaten each and every one of them every time they speak to Ellie without breathless awe in their voices. It soon becomes something of an unintentional joke, and then eventually an annoyance that Rain can't get a grip and teach his truemate to take care of herself. But no, if she wasn't a doormat who let everyone walk all over her, she wouldn't be the kind and gentle and patient and shining perfect angel who was a balm to Rain's tortured soul, now would she?

It's because the romance is given equal importance in the novel with the fantasy that this novel fails. If the romance was a minor plotline I would have been able to tolerate it, but since Lord of the Fading Lands is a romance-fantasy, the novel has to give equal time to the intriguing fantasy-political plot and to the repetitive-annoying romance plot. What's even worse, is that even though the truemate bond does everything except state outright "RAIN + ELLIE = 4EVAH," the romance isn't even concluded by the end of the novel.

I guess I kinda had the idea that the series would have a continuing high fantasy story arc, but that each novel would be a different romance (I was kinda hoping Rain's BFF Bel would get a story). Apparently not. It doesn't bode well then that there are two more novels in the series (and another forthcoming). Am I to believe that Rain and Ellie really need three more books to establish their love? Really?
When writing a crossgenre romance, both aspects of the novel have to be consistent and well-written. That means if the romance is intended to be a significant part of the plot and one of the main factors in how the characters develop and change - then it has to hold up its end and provide just as much material as the fantasy aspect. The romance failed in this - there just wasn't enough development to justify its place at the forefront of the plot, and as a result it became repetitive and ludicrously exaggerated. The fact that most of the main characters' development depended on the romantic plot (rather than the fantasy one), hampered the novel still more, since by novel's end I still felt they were inconsistent and underdeveloped. I'm still going to read Lady of Light and Shadows and King of Sword and Sky because they are both still on my TBR pile, but my expectations have been considerably lowered.
C.

"To Sir Phillip, With Love," by Julia Quinn

Alternate Title: Adventures in Babysitting

The Chick: Eloise Bridgerton. An extremely talkative, nosy woman, she kept herself free from marriage, and was rather proud to be a spinster - until her less attractive, less popular, schlubby friend Penelope got married without her. Feeling suddenly adrift, she impulsively flees for the country estate of her secret correspondent Sir Phillip Crane, to see if he might be right for marriage.
The Rub: She "forgets" to inform her mother, siblings, or Sir Phillip himself that she is coming.
Dream Casting: Persuasion's Sally Hawkins.

The Dude: Sir Phillip Crane. After being trapped in a dreadful eight-year marriage to a clinically depressed woman who eventually killed herself, all he wants now is another wife - preferably someone cheerful and spirited.
The Rub: He doesn't want a wife for himself, but rather a mistress of his household and a mother to his devil's-spawn children so that he can get back to his gardening and not have to think about anything.
Dream Casting: Elliot Cowan.

The Plot:

Eloise: Spinsterhood sounded so much fun when I could be with the ugly, unpopular friend I was certain would never marry! But now that she inexplicably has, I feel so alone and unloved! Woe is me!

Sir Phillip: Dear Eloise, please come and take my horrid children off my hands Please come and see if we will suit as man and wife. Since you're not married already by the age of 28 I'm going to expect super gratefulness I hope you will like me and mine. Love, Sir Phillip.

Eloise: Brilliant idea! So brilliant I WON'T TELL ANYONE. HI, Phil!

Sir Phillip: What the hell are you doing here? I mean, hello.

Sir Phillip's Horrid Children: GO AWAY YOU EVIL WOMAN WE DO NOT LIKE YOU AND WILL MAKE THAT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THROUGH DEVILISH PRANKS THAT ARE TOTALLY NOT MEANT TO BE PATHETIC CRIES FOR THE LOVE AND ATTENTION WE DESPERATELY NEED.

Eloise: Um, hello.

Sir Phillip's Less Horrid Children: OUR OPEN INNOCENT HEARTS ARE CONQUERED PLEASE BE OUR MUMMY.

Sir Phillip: That was fast! Well, I'm off to continue my life now that you'll take care of everything.

Eloise and Sir Phillip's Less Horrid Children: Don't be a moron.

Sir Phillip: Oh, alright.

Eloise: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist:

2 Very Bad Parents (deceased)

2 Precocious Children

1 Very Ill Wife (deceased)

4 Outraged Brothers

1 Raging Fever (unsexy variety)

1 Black Eye

Several Mischievous Pranks

1 Secret Child Abuser

The Word: As I may have mentioned before, I wasn't planning on liking this book very much. I'd been warned by other readers that Julia Quinn's Bridgerton series begins its downhill slide right around Colin's book (which, upon reading Romancing Mister Bridgerton, I found to be more or less correct). Also, I thought Eloise's character in the previous books was incredibly irritating. So it's safe to say that I went into this book with a certain amount of wariness. Thankfully, the book was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

This novel does make Eloise more sympathetic - but she still is a little irritating. Particularly her reason for inciting the incident of this book. It all began in Romancing Mister Bridgerton when Penelope (Eloise's friend) married Colin (Eloise's brother), which forced Eloise to confront some unflattering things about herself. Namely - she took pleasure in her own spinsterhood because she always figured she'd be in it with Penelope. Sure, Penelope's her friend, but let's be honest - she's never going to be married. I mean really. Look at her hair and her clothes. Not gonna happen.

But then, of course, Penelope did. Romancing Mister Bridgerton, while it had many flaws, did develop the interesting theme of taking people for granted, and it wasn't only Colin who had to realize the strength behind Penelope's shyness, but her BFF Eloise as well. Eloise honestly never expected Penelope to find marital bliss, and once Penelope did, Eloise found herself battling ugly guilt, envy, and loneliness. Guilt that she'd always subconsciously considered Penelope to be inferior to herself, envy that this assumption turned out to be untrue, and loneliness that now she is the solitary spinster in a sea of Smug Marrieds.

So, in To Sir Phillip, With Love, when Eloise receives a letter from a man with whom she's been secretly corresponding with for some time, and this letter proposes she visit his estate to see if they would suit for marriage, she impulsively jumps at the chance. However, she has to do so in a disappointingly TSTL fashion by intentionally not telling her mother or siblings where she's going, or telling Sir Phillip that she's about to arrive - and then has the nerve to act offended when Sir Phillip doesn't welcome her surprise appearance with rainbows and butterflies.

The first part of this book was difficult and implausible because her actions are completely, unarguably selfish. She literally vanishes without a trace (a perfunctory "don't worry I'm just being feisty" note gets lost in the mail), leaving the people who care about her very much with absolutely no idea where she's gone and then she shows up on Phillip's doorstep, interrupting his day and giving him no time to prepare - and why? So she can have an exit strategy. I'm not kidding - she makes everyone worry about her so that she won't lose face if she decides to back out of her plan. Thankfully, the negativity from this part of the novel is brightened by the fact that all this does come back to bite Eloise on the ass later on.

Anyway, Phillip is incredibly surprised when Eloise does show up - after all, she'd never replied to his letter when he'd sent it a month ago - but he decides to make the most of things. It's been a year since his previous wife died of a fever after trying to drown herself. His children, twins Oliver and Amanda, are raging out of control, but he's avoided most of his parenting duties out of a conviction that he's a naturally sucky parent (thanks to his own sucky parents) and would only cause more damage. However, the children do need an authority figure, so who better than a staid, cheerful spinster to be their mother and do all the things he would rather not?

While Eloise wasn't expecting to be hired on as a "babysitter with benefits," she decides to stick around and see how things go. While Phillip's children are indeed horrific little monsters, it's obvious to everyone except Phillip that they are doing intentionally ridiculous things in order to get his attention. However, their antics only convince Phillip that he's a terrible parent which causes him to spend less time with his children, meaning the children have to find worse ways to act out and the cycle continues.

Up until this point, the novel doesn't quite impress me. Eloise is selfish and spoiled, the children unrealistically portrayed with obviously telegraphed motivations, and Phillip is a dithering coward who hides from his children because he'll only screw them up more and would much rather hang out in his greenhouse and let other people do all the work.

However, once Eloise's brothers find out where she is and swoop in with enough Alpha Male Hero Aggression to power a large Canadian city, then the story starts getting good. Why? Because even with all of Eloise's stupid decisions, I started relating to her, dammit! While Eloise's decision-making abilities don't suddenly improve when her brothers arrive and clean up her mess, I started to understand why she was doing the things she's doing and believing how her mind worked.

I'll admit, if I'm anything like any of the Bridgertons, I'm like Eloise. I talk nonstop. I like gossiping (ahem, storytelling). Thanks to years of being a relatively isolated nerd in elementary and high school, I got used to thinking of myself first and often find it difficult to consider the feelings of others before my own. And when I'm forced into doing something thanks to my own mistakes, I'll do it because I feel guilty but it doesn't mean I'm not going to be pissy about it.

This is essentially how Eloise behaves once the Bridgerton boys show up. Understandably outraged with her, eldest brother Anthony puts an end to Eloise's will-she-or-won't-she marry Phillip by declaring that she unequivocally will, thanks to her unchaperoned time with the baronet. Eloise's actions were undeniably stupid, but by this point in the novel she's completely aware of how ridiculous she's been and how many people's she hurt and how this whole mess is entirely her fault. Still, she can't help but lash out towards Phillip now that she no longer has a choice in marrying him - even though she knows she only has herself to blame. By this point I found myself totally relating to her because I would have been just as petty and childish in that sort of situation.

As for Phillip - he was an interesting, if broadly drawn character. Most of his insecurities stem from his relationship with his late wife. While a contemporary reader can easily deduct that Phillip's wife suffered from debilitating clinical depression, to a nineteenth-century man like Phillip, he could only see that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make her happy. Every day of their relationship only convinced him more that he was a failure as a husband and he quickly converted this into a belief that he's a failure as a father as well. While described as physically imposing, Phillip is by no means a conventional Alpha Male - he's inarticulate, shy, cowardly in many respects, and exceedingly insecure. Most romance heroes have insecurities about themselves - more commonly, they believe they are unworthy of lasting commitment thanks to something in their past.

Phillip believes himself unworthy of pretty much any relationship - he doesn't even have many, if any, friends. There's a running theme throughout the book that Phillip is just too big to deal with other people. Not only big as in physically big, but big as in too heavy, brutish, and unrefined to deal with delicate matters such as formal affairs, women, and children. This is demonstrated physically by how he has to squeeze himself into tiny chairs for formal occasions or to talk to his children in the nursury, and emotionally in how he clutches and fumbles and loses his temper when trying to speak to Eloise or the twins. He's spent years convincing himself he's a lonely bull and regular society is just one big china shop, so he sequesters himself in his greenhouse for everyone's own good.

However, it's obvious that Phillip is an excellent match for Eloise. While Eloise is at first disconcerted that Phillip is not as talkative or articulate as he is in his letters (unaware that he spent days poring over every word), Phillip's terse and to-the-point nature renders him perfectly capable of calling Eloise on her bullshit and curbing her nonstop chatter. And from the other direction, Eloise's cheerful patter helps ease Phillip out of his self-imposed shell. Even while other aspects of the book didn't work for me, Julia Quinn did convince me that Phillip was just the man that Eloise needed and vice versa.
While this definitely isn't the best of the Bridgerton novels, it's not a terrible novel in itself, and it does do the character of Eloise justice. I was pleased to discover that despite being an officious little chatterbox, she's actually rather nice, surprisingly self-aware of her own faults (especially concerning her unkind surprise at Penelope's marriage), and capable of intermittent periods of good sense.
B-.

"The Perils of Pleasure," by Julie Anne Long

Alternate Title: The Greatest Escape You Will Eversea (see what I did there?)

The Chick: Madeleine Greenway. While she could be vaguely described as a mercenary, she's more of a "fixer" - arranging and organizing thefts, shifty deliveries, and shadowy errands for paying clients. Her last job is to organize the rescue of convicted murderer Colin Eversea from the hangman's noose - until the rescuer becomes the rescued when Colin saves her from her own employer's bullet.
The Rub: It's now obvious she's not going to receive her expected fee, which she desperately needs to make the final payment for a farm in Virginia where she can start anew. And while Colin seems like a nice enough fellow, there's now a juicy 100 pound price on his head...
Dream Casting: Rachel McAdams.

The Dude: Colin Eversea. The dashing youngest son of the Pennyroyal Green Everseas, he's a scoundrel, but not a murderer - but the only witness who can prove his innocence mysteriously vanished. Meanwhile, the love of his life is set to marry his older brother now that Colin's a criminal, and he can't help but think it's not coincidence...
The Rub: He needs to prove his innocence only slightly less than he wants to prevent his brother's wedding, but now he's both a wanted man and a highly recognizable folk hero - can he trust his mysterious, beautiful paid rescuer to work for him pro-bono?
Dream Casting: A younger Billy Crudup.

The Plot:
Colin: Oh noes! I'm going to hang!

Madeleine: No you're not! *rescues* Now I'll be paid!

Shadowy Employer: No you won't! *tries to kill her*

Colin: Lady, if you help prove my innocence, my family will pay double!

Madeleine: No I won't.

Colin: *sad eyes*

Madeleine: Okay I will.

Colin: You've cleared my name! Now we can get married!

Madeleine: No we won't.

Colin: *sadder eyes*

Madeleine: Okay I will.

Colin: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist:
1 Rascally Hero

1 World-Weary Heroine With a Sad Past

1 Surprise! Father

1 Quite Decent Just Not Romantic Enough Rival

1 Morally Ambiguous Brother

1 Irritated Wife

1 Lusty Countess with a Secret Past

1 Lusty Footman (for the Countess with a Secret Past)

The Word: When it comes to authors, I take them at their first impressions. The authors I like, I like immediately from their first book and buy as many of their other ones as I can find and afford. If I read a book I really don't like, I don't bother reading anything else by the author. Sure, they might have better books, but I have only so much money and so much time and so much space on my TBR pile, so really why should I bother throwing money down a well when I can try new authors I don't know or authors I already know are good?

It's really very fortunate for me that I make a personal point of reading every book that's on my TBR pile, and that I'd won a copy of Julie Anne Long's The Perils of Pleasure before I'd read The Runaway Duke. As you can probably tell from my review (and the fact that it landed on my Worst List of 2008), TRD was a giant serving of DO NOT WANT for me, despite the rave reviews other people gave it and the style of writing, which I quite enjoyed. The heroine was ridiculous, the hero creepy and controlling and really quite selfish when you consider most of his "sad past" is "boo hoo poor little rich boy" syndrome.

But The Perils of Pleasure? SO MUCH BETTER. Read on!

The book is actually the first in a series set in the town of Pennyroyal Green with its two feuding families, the conservative snobbish Redmonds and the wilder, more scandalous Everseas. The Everseas' family tree has been associated with piracy, smuggling, and all sorts of deliciously sordid acts but no Eversea has ever been caught or tried for any crime.

Anyway, the story begins on what seems like the diminishment of the famous Eversea luck: Colin, the youngest Eversea brother, has been convicted of murder and is sentenced to hang. He knows it's all a scam and a conspiracy - the victim drunkenly fell on his own knife, the only witness to prove Colin's innocence disappeared, and every appeal his family made to the government was suspiciously rejected. While his family believes his own innocence, few other people do, although the public have taken his rascally past and used it to make him into a tragic folk hero. And, not only is he set to die - but the love of his life is now (conveeeeniently?) engaged to his brother Marcus.

However, thanks to a series of well-orchestrated explosions and quick-thinking men, Colin is dramatically rescued from the gallows and removed to a private residence in a seedier part of town. His rescuer? Madeleine Greenway, a mysterious mercenary hired to save Colin from the noose and present him to her employers. She refuses to tell him who hired her, or anything else for that matter. She doesn't care whether Colin's innocent or not, she does only what she's paid to do, and soon she won't even have to do that - she's planning on using this mission's fee to buy a farm in Virginia and start life over.

However, when one of her assignment's contacts tries to kill her and Colin saves her life, the plot takes a thornier, more complicated turn. Colin wants his old life back, with all the trimmings (including his dreamgirl Louisa), and asks Madeleine to help him. Even though Colin assures her his family would be very, er, financially grateful to have him returned safe and sound, Madeleine doesn't trust him. She can't really trust anyone in her line of work (can you blame her?) and the odds seem to be stacked against Colin proving his innocence - but since her employers just tried to pay her in bullets instead of coins, she needs to find some form of income, and fast, so she reluctantly agrees.

What follows is part mystery, part travel/road romance as Colin and Madeleine follow a trail of clues and contacts through London (and out of it) to find the people responsible for Colin's conviction. Our protagonists are forced to spend nearly the entire book joined at the hip, and combined with the ever-present stress of the threat of discovery, this enforced intimacy forces Colin and Madeleine to confront their own feelings and character flaws in marvelous and marvellously-written ways.

I've always liked Julie Anne Long's writing style - even in The Runaway Duke. But this time we finally have beautiful, subtle, and moving characters that are worthy of her magnificent description. Colin at first appears to be the black sheep romance heroines are so fond of stomping their feet at and then swooning over - his checkered past is full of daring seductions and mischievous pranks and irresponsible spending. However, the novel slowly reveals how much angst he actually retains. He kinda knows he's a shiftless loser and always compares himself to his larger-than-life brothers and finds himself wanting. He resents the fact that he's been turned into a public hero for his murder conviction and past wrongdoings when he hasn't done anything he considers worthy of celebration.

Meanwhile, unlike the profligate Colin, Madeleine's based her life on strict emotional economy. Sudden and tragic circumstances destroyed her life and forced her to rebuild it all by herself - and only for herself, discarding everything weak, untrustworthy, or that could be taken away from her. She lives a slender, bare, but flexible and moderately successful life - but it cannot bear the weight of company. If Colin hadn't saved her from that bullet in time, nobody would have mourned or missed her, and Madeleine comes to realize this with Colin, while at the same time she has to painfully readjust to fitting other people's preferences and needs into her plans.

Through Julie Anne Long's beautiful writing, I fell into the lives of these characters. I don't think there was more than one wrong note in the development of their romance - I felt all their motivations and changes so powerfully, that their blossoming feelings just felt natural. Truly, Julie Anne Long has a remarkable grasp of words that depicts nearly everything in a new light - it makes other novels with plainer language look dull in comparison. One of the main problems I had with The Runaway Duke was that the protagonists weren't balanced - Connor held all the power and did most of the thinking and heavy lifting while Rebecca looked pretty and asked stupid questions. Here, however, Colin and Madeleine are on the same level - while very different, they are both intelligent as well as flawed and they contribute in equal measure to the storyline.

There were a few odd points and flaws in the novel - one being the character of the Countess, a former lover of Colin's that he goes to for help. Her secret past (for which she's being blackmailed) is so incredibly similar to that of the Cordelia, Duchess of Dunbrooke's from The Runaway Duke (they even acted in the same cheesy theatre) that I was taken aback. I haven't read any other of Julie Anne Long's novels - is this some kind of running joke or gag that I'm not aware of? Because for these two characters from novels by the same author to have near-identical backstories seemed beyond weird.

Another thing that bothered me was Colin's determination to stop his brother's wedding and win back Louisa - it lasted way too long for my liking and seemed increasingly uncharacteristic after he and Madeleine grow closer. To Long's credit, I do understand that Colin's repetition of "Louisa is the girl for me" (even after he sleeps with Madeleine) is partially based on his fear of deviating from his set life plan, but in the final chapters it just seemed like so much head-banging, where I felt he should know by now that he loves Madeleine since his actions and reactions clearly show that he is which means he should shut up about his ex-girlfriend.

Finally, there is one more flaw in the narrative that kept this book from being a straight A (or even an A+), and that was --- SPOILER ALERT:




---the revelation at the end that Colin was Isaiah Redmond's illegitimate son. This came out of fucking nowhere at the eleventh hour and seemed so pointlessly contrived. There was no build-up or suspicion that this could be case in the novel AT ALL and seemed to serve only to explain the motivations of the shadowy employer who arranged for Colin's rescue. Colin doesn't even really do anything about it once he knows the truth, nor does it effect his behaviour or how he acts around Madeleine, so the Big Reveal just seemed jarring and false.

Other than that, though, this novel was a delight to read and I have to say I am very glad I had the opportunity to give Julie Anne Long another chance. Especially now that the Pennyroyal Green series has two more books in it!
A-.

Chao, Readers! I've Off for a Week!

It's that time of year, again - my University choir is going on its annual tour to various small towns, spreading joy and madness and song and glitter with our voices and handbells. I had a great time on my last two tours, and I'm looking forward to this one. I have my camcorder, I have my music binder, and I'm ready to go.

The downside of this is that I won't be posting any reviews on my blog for a bit more than a week. We leave tomorrow and don't return until May 3rd, and by then I'm usually exhausted from the crazy amounts of fun-ness (fun-ity?) I've had. However, as a parting gift before I'm whisked out of personal contact, I present a preview of the books I will be reviewing soon - that is, the books I will be reading on my trip for the long busrides. I chose these books from my TBR pile very carefully - I made sure to mix it up a bit to make sure if I was bored with one book that I wouldn't be stuck with the exact same type of book for the rest of the trip. This means I didn't bring books all by the same author, or all by authors I knew, or all in the same subgenre, so, without more ado:

The Book I'm Already Reading:
The Perils of Pleasure, by Julie Anne Long. But why are you reading this, you may be wondering, since you gave her debut novel such a spanking on your blog? Well, two reasons - 1) despite her short-bus characters in The Runaway Duke, Julie Anne Long has truly beautiful writing that I've found has been rarely matched in other romances, so I thought I'd try again on one of her later novels and 2) I won this novel in a contest so it was already on my TBR pile and I'm too much of a book whore to throw out free books. So we'll see how that goes.

The Historical By the Author I Know:
To Sir Phillip, With Love, by Julia Quinn. Truth be told, I'm a little worried about this one. Many readers consider Romancing Mr Bridgerton to be the peak of the Bridgerton series (even though I was wasn't entirely impressed with it), with the other entries going downhill from there. Also, while reading RMB, I quite disliked Eloise (and this is her book) because I thought her a shrill nosy hypocrite who will annoy the everliving shit out of her friends to get at their secrets but retreats in offense if anyone asks after her own. But who knows? Maybe she'll meet her match who annoys the everliving shit out of her and gives her a taste of her own medicine.

The Historical By the Author I Don't Know:
Untouched, by Anna Campbell. Campbell is a relatively new author on the scene whose debut novel Claiming the Courtesan caused a firestorm of controversy in the "does forceful seduction equal rape" department. I really can't comment on it, because I made a conscious decision not to read Claiming the Courtesan and I don't think I ever will. The story (hero falls in love with heroine, heroine leaves to start new life, hero kidnaps heroine and makes love to her under slightly less than romantically consensual circumstances, hero and heroine fall in love) frankly does sound rather repugnant to me and altogether not that interesting - so considering the size of my TBR pile I decided there's no point in bothering with it. But again, I can see how this could be one of those Taming of the Shrew is-it-abuse-or-do-they-both-need-it-to-be-better-people arguments.

However, just because one of her novels doesn't interest me doesn't mean I have to write her off altogether, and the plot of Untouched really caught me: hero has been trapped in his house since he was fourteen, has never touched or really spoken with a woman, and somehow has to learn to adapt to the heroine, who is suddenly chucked in there with him by hero's evil uncle to work off his "man needs." A virgin hero, you say? I've encountered too many Duke of Slut heroes to count these days so a story with a virgin hero always catches my attention. Plus, it got good reviews.

The Contemporary By an Author I Know:
Fast Women, by Jennifer Crusie. The last one of hers I read was Welcome to Temptation and it was a hella long time ago. It's time I caught up, wouldn't you say?

A Fantasy By an Author I Don't Know:
Lord of the Fading Lands, by C. L. Wilson. I started out a fantasy reader and then become a romance reader later - so I was intrigued by the book, as well as the crazy-good reviews it's been getting. There's always been something about immortal heroes that turns me off, somehow - I think I have trouble imagining how everyday troubles and problems and relatable angst could be experienced by a dude who's lived for a thousand years, but again - fantasy. Romance. Crazy good reviews. Also - thanks to a bizarre conglomeration of random luck that caused me to win several draws at once, I won the first three books of this series for free.

So, dear readers, even though you won't have new posts of mine to read for a while, at least you'll have an idea of what to look forward to once I get back. See you soon!

RWA workshop schedules are up! Hooray! What I will be doing at RWA:

Yet another reason to be excited about RWA: the Workshop Schedule is up! I'm so excited. As disorganized as I can be about other aspects of my life, I love planning things in advance, so I've already started picking what workshops I might like to see, and what I'll be doing at the conference. Of course, all this is bound to change with or without notice, but hey, if I stick to this even a little, I might get to meet some of you guys there!

Tuesday, July 14th:
I arrive. I eat. I sleep. I don't think I arrive early enough to check out any grand sights, but who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone.

Wednesday, July 15th:
7:00 AM - 5:30 PM
-Today I register! Also, although there are no workshops, I hear it's still pretty busy so I'll try to socialize and glom onto a group so that I don't have to sightsee by myself.
-Also: GOODY ROOM. It's open! I'm SO THERE.
5:30-7:30: Literacy Booksigning! The list of who's attending won't be released until may, but there's bound to be someone there whose work I adore enough to buy all their books and have them signed! For charity, yes, that's it!
8:00-9:00: First Timer's Orientation. This will probably be a good thing - to make sure I'm not totally swamped by all the things to do!

Thursday, July 16th:
8:30-10:15 AM: Opening Session, Featuring Janet Evanovich. I've honestly never read any of her books (although my mum and sister have - and they LOVE her, so I'll take pictures), but I'm not missing the opening session of my first first RWA National Conference!
12:15-2:00 PM: Keynote Luncheon, featuring Linda Howard. Again, not familiar, but who knows what I can learn? Plus - food!

2:00 - 3:00 PM
Hot Vampires, Demon Slayers, and Enchantresses: the Many Flavors of Fantasy (CRAFT)
Speakers: Pati Nagle and Mary Jo Putney
Best-selling, RWA Honor Roll author Mary Jo Putney and fantasy author Pati Nagle discuss the varieties and core fantasies of paranormal romance.
I was to see this one because the novel I'm working on is a fantasy, and this could definitely help me apply my fantasy writing experience to romance (with which I am moderately less experienced).

Backup Workshop (i.e., in case the first one's full):
What Not to Write (CRAFT)
Speakers: Eloisa James and Carrie Feron
New York Times best seller and Barnes & Noble reviewer Eloisa James and her Avon editor share a list of don’ts, covering such topics as genres, writing styles, hooks, plots, and creativity.
Eloisa James! And I can always learn some more "don't"s.

3:15-4:15 PM
Emotion: the Heart of the Novel (CRAFT)
Speaker: Brenda Novak
Join RWA Honor Roll author Brenda Novak for an in-depth examination of how every aspect of writing relates to heightening reader emotion.
This sounds like something good - I want to convey really tight emotion in my novel - I have a lot of humour and magic, but I'm uncertain as to how to provoke really good emotion.

Backup Workshop: Eh, the other ones in this timeslot aren't quite my cup of tea - so maybe a break or some sight-seeing?

4:30-5:30 PM
How to Live in Another Century or Just Sound Like You Did (RESEARCH)
Speaker: Lauren Willig
New York Times best-selling author Lauren Willig offers strategies for acquainting yourself with another century’s sights, people, and politics, and how to create the illusion of a specific time period, while maintaining the balance between historical accuracy and demands of the narrative.
YES! I need to learn how to research! The way I'm doing it now (reading, taking notes on index cards) seems so slow and I feel as if I haven't written in ages. I'd love to know if there's a different way to do it.

Backup Workshop:
How Do I Love Thee? Using the Techniques of Poetry to Strengthen Your Prose (CRAFT)
Speaker: Nancy Herkness
Princeton University-trained poet and romance author Nancy Herkness demonstrates how word choice, rhythm, and image control can heighten the emotional and descriptive power of your prose.
Second only to great characters, I love love love beautiful writing, and there are few authors who can manage a beautifully poetic turn of phrase. This could be something really useful.

After this I'm pretty much free. I'll try to converse with people and maybe meet up with some other bloggers or people who share similar interests and try to travel in a group. Really, this is what I'm the most worried about. I'm not going to know anybody there and sometimes I'm shy or uncomfortable when it comes to talking to people I don't know but I'm sure I'll manage if the only other option is to mope alone in my room!

8:00-Midnight: Moonlight Madness Bazaar. I have no idea what they sell, but I might as well find out, eh?

Friday, July 17th:
7:30-8:30 AM: Continental breakfast. Yum yum.

8:30-9:30 AM
Mastering Your Domain: Research and Development of the Paranormal World (RESEARCH)
Speakers: Alyssa Day, Stephanie Julian, and Melissa Mayhue
Three paranormal writers and admitted research geeks will show you where to look and what to look for when blending folklore and mythology with modern genre fiction for extraordinary world-building.
Oh HELL YES. Worldbuilding! I need help with worldbuilding! Mostly because I'm using a created world PLUS a world based on an actual historical time period so that's like two types of research, argh, what have I wrought? -_-;

Backup Workshop:
Creating the Believable Anti-Hero: a Stepped Approach to Creating Believable Villains (CRAFT)
Speaker: Bethany Oliver
Use the same principals as the Hero's Journey and learn how to ramp up your antagonist's motivations beyond surface conflict to create a truly worthy opponent.
This could be useful for how I treat Bertram, my novel's eeeevil villain. Right now I've made him basically power hungry (and maybe a little obsessive-compulsive) but otherwise I've got nada. This workshop could help.

9:45-10:45 AM
How to Write the Breakout Book (CRAFT)
Speaker: Joan Johnston
What elements does your book need to raise it to the next level? A New York Times best-selling author shares tips on ramping up character, plot, and conflict.
I'm kinda of trying to write a breakout book (namely, my first), so this could give me some interesting tips.

Backup: Eh, again, not much in this timeslot. Time for a coffee break!

11:00 AM - 12:00PM
Paranormals: Writing Outside the Box (PUBLISHING)
Speakers: Kelley Armstrong, Jeaniene Frost, Melissa Marr, and Erika Tsang
Three New York Times best-selling authors and an Avon executive editor discuss the burgeoning urban fantasy/paranormal romance market for both adults and young adults.
Since I'm writing an historical(ish) fantasy, I'm more than eager to see how paranormals fare with the industry. I'm also up for YA tips, too.

Backup:
Look Who's Talking: Mastering POV and Tense (CRAFT)
Speaker: Susan Lyon
Whether past or present, award-winning author Susan Lyons will help you find the perfect tense for your story, as well as through whose eyes the story should be told.
This is something I sometimes have trouble with - tense and POV come to me innately, so when I make mistakes I sometimes find it hard to identify where I've gone wrong and how I can fix it.

12:15-2:00PM: Awards Luncheon, featuring Eloisa James. ELOISA JAMES! And food.

2:00-3:00 PM
It's Not the Hottest Genre, So How Do Debut Historical Romance Authors Get Six-Figure Deals? (PUBLISHING)
Speakers: Helen Breitwieser, Courtney Milan, Kristin Nelson, Sherry Thomas, Tracy Anne Warren, and Tessa Dare
Two agents and their debut historical romance clients, who were initially bought for six figures, discuss the how and the why behind these big deals.
Um, I'm writing an historical(ish) romance, I love money, and I really don't want to get any other sort of job other than writing. Good enough?

Backup:
You Say Tomato, I Say To-Motto: How Character Motto Influences Plot, Conflict, & Other Story Elements (CRAFT)
Speaker: Susan Gable
Character motto impacts every decision, every choice, every action your character makes. Award-winning author Susan Gable examines how character motto can influence everything from setting details to the character growth arc, plot and conflict.
Characters are slippery with me, I write them with a tiny bit of an idea about them, and then let them progress on their own, but maintaining consistency is hard.

3:15-4:15 PM
Why We Love Mr. Darcy: Insiders Tips on the Historical Market (PUBLISHING)
Speakers: Elizabeth Boyle, May Chen, and Laura Lee Guhrke
Two RITA-winning authors and an Avon editor share the scoop on what makes a historical rise to the top of an editor's pile and offer tips on crafting your perfect historical—with or without Mr. Darcy.
I know, my novel can be considered a fantasy but at heart it's a Regency. Plus I love Guhrke's books to pieces so of course I'll show up.

Backup:
The Wit, Wisdom, and Writing Advice of Jennifer Crusie (CRAFT)
Speakers: Jennifer Crusie, Sarah Frantz, Pamela Regis, and Jennifer Van Slooten
Professors Sarah Frantz, Pamela Regis and Jessica Van Slooten examine the humor and writing advice in the novels of New York Times best-selling author Jennifer Crusie, who will respond to the literary criticism of her novels.
It's Jennifer Crusie - who are we kidding?

Love Your Voice (CRAFT)
Speakers: Laurie Schnebly Campbell and Julie Rowe
A hands-on session to help you discover what makes your writing voice special, and how to capitalize on your natural strengths.
One of my goals is to help develop my particular voice and help apply it to a larger writing format such as a novel.

4:30-5:30 PM
What Came First, the Plot or the Character? The Yin and Yang of Creating Great Characters within Great Plots (CRAFT)
Speakers: Julie Kenner and Kathleen O'Reilly
Award-winning authors Julie Kenner and Kathleen O’Reilly interweave character and plotting techniques to help writers create page-turning stories that are truly unforgettable.
Yet another thing I'm having trouble balancing in my novel. This sounds like something really interesting.

Backup:
12 Stages of the Writer’s Adventure: Write from the Inside Out (WRITERS LIFE)
Speaker: Beth Barany
Creativity coach and multi-published author Beth Barany examines ways to increase self-knowledge and write better by learning to harness the power of the 12 stages of the hero’s journey.
Hero's journey? I'm intrigued.

5:45-6:45 PM
Nothing. There are two workshops - one on body disposal and one on sex through history. Maybe it's time for supper, parties, and more sightseeing!

Saturday, July 18th:
7:30-8:30 AM: Continental breakfast again.

8:30-9:30 AM
Learn to Rewrite: Finishing the Manuscript Is Just the Beginning (CRAFT)
Speaker: Anna DeStefano
Join best-selling, Romantic Times award-winning author Anna DeStefano as she shares tools and techniques for navigating the editorial revisions necessary to sell your next manuscript.
Oh crap YES I need to learn how to rewrite my 146 000 word novel into something moderately readable! Please show me how!

Backup:
The Art of Layering: from First Draft to Final Manuscript (CRAFT)
Speaker: Renee Halverson
Award-winning inspirational author Renee Halverson demonstrates how to layer emotion, senses, setting, backstory, and moral tension into a manuscript for seamless, powerful impact.
Honestly, this workshop is pretty much tied with the first one. I might have to flip a coin.

9:45-10:45
Unveiling the Mystery of How Book Covers Come About (PUBLISHING)
Speaker: Deeanne Gist
A behind-the-scenes look at the making of an actual book cover.
This one is out of pure curiosity - I've seen gorgeous covers, horrendous covers, and completely "m'eh" covers. How do they get chosen?

Backup:
Get Your Acts Together (CRAFT)
Speaker: Blythe Gifford
Learn how the four-act story structure can help keep your external story, character arcs, and the developing love relationship working together through great beginnings, dramatic turning points, exciting climaxes, and endings to sigh for.
If my crazy train-wreck of a novel needs anything - it's more structuring. *sigh*

11:00 AM - 12:00 PM
From Hook to Happy Ending: Using High Concept and Conflict to Make Your Historical Novel Rock (CRAFT)
Speakers: Gayle Callen, May Chen, Margo Maguire, and Paige Wheeler
Two multipublished Avon authors, an Avon editor, and an agent discuss ways to use conflict and high concept to create a compelling historical novel.
Does my novel have a high concept? Oh yes - so high even I have trouble keeping up with it. This sounds like a great opportunity.

Backups:
Pitfalls to Pratfalls: Adding Humor to the Romance (CRAFT)
Speakers: Suzanne Enoch and Karen Hawkins
Two RWA Honor Roll authors take a fast, fun, and funny look at ways to insert humor into your manuscript without losing pacing or flow.
Suzanne Enoch writes legitimately funny stuff in her historicals - this could be useful.

Turning Points (CRAFT)
Speaker: Jennifer Crusie
Turning points are the key to pacing and plot development, says this New York Times best-selling author. Learn what we mean when we talk about turning points and beats, then explore ways to use these tools to tighten and focus plots and scenes.
Jennifer Crusie - who are we kidding?

12:00-12:45: Squeeze in lunch.

12:45 - 1:45
Our Favorite Flavors: What it Takes to Succeed in Some of Today’s Most Popular Romance Subgenres (CRAFT)
Speakers: Allison Brennan, Gaelen Foley, Holly Jacobs, and Gena Showalter
Four best-selling authors from four different subgenres present an engaging side-by-side comparison of how they handle the fundamentals in their specific fields. Hear these rising stars discuss how they handle those items common to all romances and the challenges inherent in each subgenre.
One writes historicals, another writes paranormals, and I don't want to narrow my horizons - so I could potentially learn quite a lot from this one.

Backup:
Chemistry: How to Create the Sizzle that Will Keep Your Readers Glued to the Page (CRAFT)
Speaker: Sherry Thomas
Join historical author Sherry Thomas in a rigorous and fun analysis of what makes chemistry and what makes for better chemistry, as well as what common mistakes writers make.
I'd love to develop good chemistry with my characters, but ... I wasn't all that impressed by the chemistry in Sherry Thomas' Private Arrangements.

2:00-3:00 PM
Agent Secrets: What Agents Really Want from an Unpublished Writer (CAREER)
Speaker: Laurie McLean
How do you capture an agent’s attention, make your query stand out, and entice one to say yes? Literary agent Laurie McLean unveils ancient agent mysteries and tells you how to give these elusive creatures exactly what they want.
Good tips on how to get the agent I'm looking for once I finally do finish my novel.

Backup:
Boot Camp for Writers (CRAFT)
Speaker: Jenna Kernan
Help your manuscript find a happy home by making it as marketable as possible by learning about formatting, industry standards, characterization, dialogue, rewriting, editor peeves, dealing with rejection, and accepting “The Call.”
Yes, yes, yes. Help me with industry standards!

3:15-4:15
Body Language: Writing Compelling Characters of Both Sexes (RESEARCH)
Speaker: Mary Buckham
An acclaimed workshop presenter and romantic suspense author examines the real differences between men and women and how writers can ensure their characters are true to their gender.
I've written plenty of stories with male characters, but I'm always a little unsure if I'm getting things wrong (I grew up with two sisters, no brothers). This could definitely help.

Backup:
MORE How to Make A Living Writing Romance Novels (CAREER)
Speaker: Stephanie Bond
RITA-winner Stephanie Bond breaks down the financial life cycle of a book and teaches writers how to best work within industry time lines to maximize their income. (2 hours)
This would have been my first choice (because my ultimate goal is to write novels for a living) - but for the fact that it's two hours.

4:30-5:30
The Birth and Feeding of a Series Story Arc (CRAFT)
Speakers: Claudia Dain, Sabrina Jeffries, and Deb Marlowe
Three different perspectives (an overarching mystery, a character arc, and a continuing battle between enemies) on how to plan, write, and market a series of individual romances where the overarching series itself contains an ongoing story.
Surprise! My novel is not only a high concept historical(ish) fantasy, but it's the first in a project SEVEN NOVEL ARC! Kill me now.

Backup:
How to Use Screenwriting Techniques to Add Passion, Depth, and Immediacy to Your Novels (CRAFT)
Speaker: Victoria Johnson
Screenwriter, script supervisor, and author of All I Need To Know in Life I Learned from Romance Novels, Victoria Johnson shows how screenwriters keep their stories focused and urgent.
As some of my readers may be aware, I made a very nervous and tentative foray into screenwriting before I skittered back to trying a novel. But maybe this will help me get the best of both worlds!

5:30-8:00: Nothing on my plate. Supper, socializing - I must make sure to socialize, no matter how shy I am.

8:00-10:00 PM: The RITA awards! Time for crazy upsets, darkhorses and acceptance speeches!

10:00-Midnight: RITA & Golden Heart Reception. Partay

Sunday, July 19th
Go home. Sleep. Blog.

Now, bear in mind, this is just the jam-packed-OMG-caffeine-perfect world schedule. There's no way I'm going to be doing all of this - who knows how I'll be sidetracked or who I'll meet? I'm so excited.

Terrified, too, but excited. Who else is going to RWA? What workshops or events are you interested in seeing?

Rant Rant Rant - Sex in Romance

Warning: this post goes into Just the Sexiest Man Alive and other romance novels in detail. You have been warned.

One of my favourite activities after posting a review on my blog is to go around other blogs and review sites and read what other people think about it. It helps give me an idea of how my tastes mesh with others, and that comes in handy with book recommendations and such. For instance, more often than not, I agree with the All About Romance folks (we often share the same letter grade, even) while I disagree with others.

So after I posted my review of Julie James' Just the Sexiest Man Alive, I went looking around other websites and was disappointed by what I read. Not disappointed in the grades that people gave it - but rather the attitude towards the sexual content in the book. You see, Just the Sexiest Man Alive has no sex scenes. None. The characters have sex eventually, at the end, but not in a described, individual scene. However, several reviewers seemed to take issue with that, and that, in turn, made me a little angry.

The most egregious review, sadly, came from All About Romance's Sandy Coleman. She gave the novel a B-, and stated that, while she liked some parts, in the negative column she put: "in a shocking twist, there’s no sex – and I really mean that – and I definitely felt the lack. For a book being marketed as a romance, it’s an odd choice." And she wasn't the only one who made a similar complaint. Are you serious?

This is where my big beef and the reason for this rant comes in: now, I'm a creative person, and by no means am I opposed to sex in romance novels - books can (and should) come in all flavours of the rainbow, and a genre cannot thrive if people want to restrict the content.

What I, personally, do not like, is the increasingly prevalent belief that if the protagonists don't have sex (or a sex scene) then the novel isn't a romance. That's why I'm pissed off with reviewers like Sandy Coleman, who was apparently puzzled that Just The Sexiest Man Alive was marketed as a romance.

Really? So the fact that Taylor and Jason feel for each other the way they've never felt towards anyone else doesn't make it a romance?

So the fact that they engage in flirtatious banter doesn't make it a romance?

So the fact that the novel's central plot revolves around how Taylor and Jason overcome their personal fears and develop emotionally to understand and accept their love for each other doesn't make it a romance?

REALLY? So all it takes is a pen0r in a vajayjay and you have a romance?

Again, allow me to reiterate that my beef with reviewers like Sandy Coleman isn't the fact that they didn't like the novel because it didn't have sex in it. Everyone has different preferences for the books they read, just as everyone has their own particular Off Switch that kills their interest in a novel. My beef is with people who believe that sex is integral to the romance genre.

It is not.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret - most of the time, I couldn't care less about sex scenes in a romance. Mostly, I'm bored. At worse, they bog down the novel. In a few rare cases, they can be wonderful. But in 85% of the romance novels I read, the sex scenes are something I tolerate as inevitable, rather than enjoy as a part of the story itself. They don't really contribute very much to the development of the romance for me, and most of the time I don't care if they're there or not. Here's my rundown of how I, personally, evaluate sex scenes in a romance:

Is the Fact That The Characters Have Sex Necessary to the Narrative or the Realism of the Setting?
This is something that is often, at least to me, dependent on the time period of the romance. I read a lot of historicals, and because they often work within a time period that has strict social codes against premarital sex (at least against women), the narratives are not based on sex - they depend often on how the heroine and hero verbally spar, or on intrigue, class distinctions, and social or historical commentary. The way social situations and leisure activities were arranged in Regency and Victorian times, it's quite realistic for characters to fall in love without needing to have sex - and it often rings very false to me whenever Regency or Victorian heroines feel inexplicably unfulfilled because they haven't had sex yet.

Now, as far as contemporaries are concerned, in this day and age, committed relationships often do involve sex. So, if the fact that the characters aren't having sex by a certain point in their relationship causes readers to doubt the realism of the characters within the contemporary setting, then yes, of course I understand why the fact the characters have sex would be relevant. Similarly, in historicals where the protagonists are married (and I mean real, in-for-the-long-haul-married, not pretend-married or married-only-for-a-short-time-so-I-can-continue-my-life-married), sex is realistic and understandable.

In the case of Just the Sexiest Man Alive, Taylor and Jason don't have sex right away, and I believed it, because Taylor was depicted as a confident and controlled woman who nevertheless had severe trust issues with Jason's womanizing reputation. I totally understood how she wouldn't want to have sex with him if she couldn't trust him.

If the Fact That the Characters Have Sex is Necessary - Is the DEPICTION of The Characters Having Sex Equally Necessary?
This is what I usually have the most problems with - not the sex, but the sex scene. And, I think, this is what most reviewers had a problem with in Just the Sexiest Man Alive. Taylor and Jason do have sex - after Jason and Taylor admit their love for each other at the premiere of Jason's movie, they flee the scene and proceed to have sex on just about every surface of Jason's house. The reader knows this because the author hints at what they are doing through their dialogue and actions when they, er, come up for air. But she doesn't actually describe Taylor and Jason actually going at it. Again, I didn't find this objectionable at all, but other reviewers seemed to be bothered by it.

My question - why? Every writing class and critique group I've ever been a part of has repeated this mantra - if a scene does not contribute directly to the narrative of the overall story, it shouldn't be there. Lots of times I'll submit a story and people will tell me that this or that scene doesn't really fit, or, it's not relevant to the story and should be cut. Stories and manuscripts need to be streamlined. If the story already establishes the fact that the characters are having sex, why does there need to be a scene depicting it?

In many romances, the characters finally having sex is depicted as proof that the protagonists have moved to another, more intimate level of their relationship. In this case, the fact that the characters have sex is necessary to the novel because it shows the progression of the romance between the hero and heroine. But - but - but - what does the depiction of the protagonists having sex contribute to the narrative that the fact that they have sex does not?

I think of it this way: most characters in romance are human beings and eat, so naturally it's a given that as human characters, they will need to relieve themselves. While the fact that the characters need bathroom breaks is important in the sense that it tells us the characters are human beings, we don't come across very many scenes in books where the act of taking a dump is described in detail. Why? Because it's not necessary to the narrative at hand.

So many romance novels I read have sex scenes where nothing relevant is contributed to the story that wouldn't have been performed just as well with a cut-off scene of the characters walking into a bedroom (as an example). Again, 85% of sex scenes are this:

Hero: Sex?
Heroine: Yes please.
Hero: Left boob, right boob, downtown, sexx0r.
Heroine: That was awesome.
Hero: Yes it was.

That's it. This is why irrelevant sex scenes can be a detriment to a novel, because they subject the reader to a portion of the book where nothing happens, where the plot takes a 5-10 page pause in favour of lovingly depicted fun bits. It's like the literary equivalent of a commercial break - where the interesting show you're watching is interrupted by random pretty images.

That's not to say that sex scenes cannot be relevant - there's just needs to be a reason for why we need the detail.

Good Examples:

• if the heroine's virginity or lack thereof comes as a surprise to the hero (or supports his suspicions)
• if the scene confronts and deals with a character's fears that are provoked by sex. I found this while reading the lovely sex scene in Sophia Nash's A Dangerous Beauty: Rosamunde endured a terrible marriage to an abusive husband who treated her like an object he owned, in the bed, and out of it - which left her with a terror of being touched by a man's hands. Hero Luc's solution? To undress and sexually pleasure her - without using his hands. The description of the act made this scene for me and was completely relevant to how Luc and Rosamunde react to each other.
• if something revealed during the sex scene (a birthmark, a nervous tic, a certain preference for how the act should be performed) is relevant to the the story later on. I encountered this while reading Welcome to Temptation, where not only do we discover something new about Sophie's personality in the sex scene, but the dialogue the two have during the scene comes back to haunt them later on. Temptation's also a good example of judicious sex scenes because Sophie and her hero Phin have lots and lots of sex, but very few sex scenes - only the ones that matter to the narrative are the ones that are described.
  
• if the way the sex is performed affects how the characters relate to each other later on. One example is the deflowering scene in The Secret Pearl: it isn't just the fact that Adam and Fleur have sex that's important - but the way Adam looks, touches her, and behaves during the act that explains her fears of him later

For bad examples, well, sex scenes that serve only to tell us things that are a given (i.e. that the hero/ine's good in bed) or things we already know (the hero/ine is smokin' hot), really don't need to be stretched out that long.

The point I'm trying to get at here, and how I deal with sex in romance, is that sex is a part of romance, but it's just as important as every other part - such as the protagonists' emotional compatability, their dialogue, how they relate to each other, their common interests.

Similarly, the sex scene can be a part of a narrative - but it should be treated the same as every other part of the narrative. Every other scene and line of dialogue in a romance novel has to justify its presence in the narrative. For me, the sex scene has to do the same. I won't tolerate a 6-page scene describing the quality of the heroine's china cabinet if it doesn't relate to the story, and that means I won't tolerate a 6-page scene describing how the heroine and hero have sex if it's not relevant. It also means that a sex-scene-less novel doesn't disqualify it as a romance in my eyes, if adding a sex scene wouldn't have contributed anything anyway. But this is just my ranting opinion.

Now, I'm more than a little eager to hear what you think. What do you expect from a romance in terms of sex scenes? What do you prefer in how your romance novels depict sex? Do you care? Are you disappointed by romance novels where the characters don't have sex, and why or why not?

"Just the Sexiest Man Alive," by Julie James

Alternate Title: Just the Funniest Romance Written

The Chick: Taylor Donovan. A hotshot lawyer working in L.A. (on loan from her Chicago firm), as the newbie in the office, she's tasked with helping world-famous actor Jason Andrews with his upcoming legal thriller.
The Rub: Jason Andrew is none other than the Jason Andrews, pretty much the most famous actor on the planet, complete with an Academy Award and an ego the size of the Kodak Theatre. And now Taylor has to babysit him.
Dream Casting: Rashida Jones.

The Dude: Jason Andrews - world famous movie star. His charm, good looks, entertaining movies, and crazy fame give him an all-access pass to any restaurant, movie studio, and female in the greater Los Angeles area. When he finds out the consultant assigned to help him portray a realistic lawyer for his film is a very attractive woman, he thinks he's got a new toy to play with.
The Rub: That is, until he comes up against Taylor's no-nonsense attitude - the first velvet rope in years that hasn't been lifted for him.
Dream Casting: Patrick Dempsey.

The Plot:

Taylor's Boss: Babysit Jason Andrews because all of our real employees are too busy!

Taylor: Wait - the Jason...

Jason: My people will talk to your people! *flees to Vegas*

Taylor: *NOT AMUSED*

Jason: Hey, sorry I missed our appointment! But it wasn't any hassle, right? *Megawatt Smile*

Taylor: It was a huge hassle, and you're a dick.

Jason: Hmmm, maybe I didn't say this clearly enough - it wasn't any hassle, right? *Jedi-Celebrity Megawatt Smile*

Taylor: Um, maybe I didn't say this clearly enough - YOU ARE A DICK.

Jason: Wh-what? This walking pair of breasts won't immediately kneel before me and worship my awesomeness! My whole worldview has toppled! I don't know up from down! And why is that so damn hot? I know! I'll make her jealous! That's a woman's greatest weakness!

Taylor: *starts dating his celebrity rival*

Jason: ... I am a moron. I'm sorry, I love you.

Taylor: I'm sorry! I'm afraid of commitment!

Jason: Well, that's just not fair!

Taylor: You're right, I'm sorry, let's get married.

Jason: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist

1 Workaholic Heroine

1 Superfamous Man-Boy Hero

Several Paparazzi

1 Romantically Lacklustre Rival

1 Romantically Lacklustre Fake Rival

1 Concussion

1 Stack of Chocolate Chip Pancakes

1 Very Bad Ex

The Word: I won this *signed!* copy of Just the Sexiest Man Alive from Book Binge, and I've only now gotten around to reading it, because in general my romance diet is an entree of historicals with contemporaries being a nice occasional side dish. But hearing all the positive reviews made me pick it up off my TBR pile, and boy, am I glad I did.

Taylor Donovan is a rising-star lawyer who kicks ass and takes names in the courtroom. When her Chicago firm sends her to L.A. for a high-profile sexual harassment lawsuit, she's eager to prove herself, and so far her opposing counsel has been dining out on the dust from her wake. However, her superiors soon hand her a more difficult task: one of their clients, Jason Andrews, is set to star in a legal thriller and wants to hire a lawyer as a consultant. Taylor Donovan's plate is already full to bursting, but successful careers aren't made by saying "no" and she's also secretly intrigued by the chance to meet such a celebrity in person.

Jason Andrews is the most famous man in Hollywood - a box-office-smashing, Academy-Award-Winning, People's-Sexiest-List-Making, bona fide celebrity who goes through women like toilet paper. For his upcoming legal thriller, he wants to consult a real lawyer to make sure his portrayal is realistic.

When Jason blows off his appointments with Taylor to go party in Vegas, Taylor's interest soon curdles into disgust at his spoiled party-boy antics. When Jason finally does show up, his plans to cow her into submission with his billion-dollar smile crumble when faced with Taylor's righteous indignation. Instead, Taylor uses a mock-cross-examination to intellectually spank Jason and laugh in his face.

Jason is used to women throwing themselves at him, so the fact that Taylor not only refuses him, but bests him shocks his system, and not entirely in a bad way. He subsequently uses his influence to weasel more time with her.

I enjoyed the heck out of this novel. It was hilarious, heartfelt, and hella entertaining, mainly thanks to how the author doesn't compromise the characters to fit a particular storyline, but instead creates well-rounded, realistic, relatable characters who create an interesting storyline all on their own.

Taylor Donovan is easily one of my favourite heroines yet - she's someone who genuinely adores and is good at her work, and is reasonably well-adjusted. She recently endured a bad breakup with a sleazy fiance, but she doesn't let it get her down - she just throws herself into her work. She's a professional, and so long as she works hard and pulls 110%, it's unlikely she'll discover her job cheating on her with an attractive teaching assistant. Ahem. Not that's she's bitter or anything.

As much as I loved Taylor - I loved Jason more. Oh, Jason, you oblivious man-child. Julie James earns my eternal gratitude for not pulling any punches in her character development of Jason. He's not a "fake rake" whose crazy spoiled exploits are just unfair exaggerations of the paparazzi. He's not a down-to-earth dude who hates fame and wishes he could escape the glaring lights and retire to some farm in Maine with the love of his life. He's not an aloof artiste who looks upon the celebrity lifestyle with cool disdain.

Just as Taylor Donovan loves her job, Jason loves his work as well as the lifestyle that comes with it, and his character clearly shows the effects of entitlement, instant gratification, and fan worship. He legitimately thinks he's king of the fucking world and brags about banging a dozen NBA cheerleaders and is accustomed to having people wait on him hand and foot. Most of his thought processes mirror those of a spoiled fifteen-year-old, but it makes sense why most of his cause-and-effect and problem-solving skills are simplistic, because he's used to people picking up the phone on the first ring and scrambling to get him the best table and pulling a few strings to make sure People's Sexiest Man Alive (hey! that's the name of the book!) walks away happy.

So much of the novel's enjoyment comes from reading Jason's befuddlement as none of his tried-and-true celebrity ploys work on Taylor. It sends nearly his entire social frame of reference out the window, leaving him vulnerable and awkward. That's not to say his celebrity ploys still don't work on others, but as he grows to love and depend on Taylor for the emotional grounding she provides, he starts using his Hollywood God powers for good - that is, instead of "Pleasure me! Jason Andrews wills it!", we get "Pleasure Taylor! Jason Andrews wills it!"

This also doesn't mean that Jason doesn't give as well as he takes - he may be used to getting what he wants, but he's an intelligent guy who's completely willing to use unorthodox methods to get what he wants. Jason and Taylor's interactions zing as they spar with each other - just as Taylor pecks at Jason's celebrity-bubble, Jason chips away at Taylor's nervousness and social inhibitions.

That being said, Jason's fame is the main obstacle in the novel. While Taylor soon starts to feel the warm-and-fuzzies for Jason, she's stymied by his profession. He's a movie star, after all - getting people to love him is his job, so how much of what she feels is real and how much is stardust? Secondly, she can't help but notice how many of Jason's whims are catered to and can't help but wonder if her refusal is the main reason Jason finds her attractive.

Thirdly, Jason's fame as a talented actor only narrowly beats out his fame as a notorious womanizer and while Taylor's break-up with her cheating fiance isn't a melodramatic issue (her ex never appears in the book), it's enough to give her serious pause. Her ex had a similar womanizing reputation, and his betrayal continues to influence how she approaches relationships.

I empathized totally with Taylor and her doubts and completely understood where she was coming from. She has a legitimate reason for suspecting playboys and if Jason were anyone other than the novel's protagonist I might have doubted him, too. Jason is a playboy, and Taylor had already gone through the experience of thinking her womanizing fiance was capable of giving up all other women because she was "special," she was "the one" - that is, until he cheated on her with his teaching assistant. How, she wonders, is she to assume Jason is any different?

At the same time, the author deftly shows us how incredible fame and fortune don't automatically make someone the son of Satan, and how underneath all the glamour and obliviousness, Jason is actually a pretty swell guy. This is achieved mainly through the contrast the author provides with the character of Scott Casey, an ambitious up-and-comer obviously modelled on Orlando Bloom (he got his "It Boy" status thanks to a lauded secondary role as a sexy archer in a fantasy epic) who tries to manipulate Taylor in order to stick it to Jason, currently at the top of the Hollywood heap. Jason may be thoughtless with his immense resources, but he never hesitates to use them to help those he cares about.

I also enjoy how, ultimately, the romance doesn't compromise Jason's profession by the end of the novel. As I mentioned before, Jason does not suddenly realize that fame is a festering canker on the skin of his soul and retire to some isolated paradise to make People's Sexiest Babies Alive with Taylor. Just as Taylor's job as a lawyer is important to her, Jason's acting is important to him and the fame and glitz don't detract from his dedication to his work. Part of the reason he wanted a legal consultant in the first place was so he could give the best performance he could, because that's the kind of person he is. The flocks of crazy fans and paparrazi and annoying reporters are simply aspects of life that he, and eventually Taylor, learn to deal with as inevitable parts of life. I really admired this - it's easy to consider acting to be an "easy" career just because of the crazy perks that go with it, but Julie James gives it a measure of respect.

I'm a character-driven person when it comes to reading romances, so in my reviews I end up discussing the characters more than I do, say, pacing and style, but Julie James' writing style, particularly in her depiction of Taylor's and Jason's POVs, is too hilarious to go without a mention. The points of view convey so much about the characters while at the same time being incredibly funny. Taylor, despite her setbacks and obstacles, has a pretty confident outlook on life and I laughed at the swipes she takes at her obvious inferiors. Similarly, Jason's POV also inspires chuckles - particularly whenever he thinks he and Taylor are about to have sex and subtly moves furniture and utensils out of the way, just in case.

Truly, Julie James' Just the Sexiest Man Alive impressed on all fronts. The characters were believable, the story fulfilling, the obstacles legitimate and well-developed, and the writing crisp and witty. I really can't come up with a single significant flaw about this entire novel. It's that good. Thank you, Book Binge!
A.