Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Screwing up my Schedule!!

Yes, it's true, readers! I am still alive! The main reason for this latest long period of silence has been my recent entrance into University, and I've had to deal with a lot of challenges and deal with a few cliches that are happily inaccurate.
First, the workload. I know, it's still September, but most of my classes are small, or the books are easy and fun to read, or the professors are understanding. My classes usually start at 10 and end at 2! Plus, all the classes I have are classes I chose because I was interested, so all the work is stuff I like doing and generally finish rather quickly. Usually, after that, I tend to work ahead so that I may have brief periods of free time to write my blog. Huzzah!
Second, the notorious Freshman 15, I'm discovering, is turning out to be true, unfortunately. I'm pedalling my ass off on the excersise bike every morning to combat the inevitable results of succumbing, day after day, to the salty, fried wiles of the university's two food courts. I'm starting to wean myself off it, slowly, but it's horribly difficult. They have an A&W's and a New York Fries in the same freakin' building! It's sinful! Gah! However, it plays much easier on my soul to purchase food with friends --
WHICH I OFFICIALLY HAVE NOW! Friends friends friends friends! Haha! I spit in the face of Sisters One and Two! One is, actually, someone I met during the High School Model United Nations project back in high school, and who is currently living in Lister Hall. I'm planning on inviting her over to dinner sometime in the next week, partly to spare her a night of having to force down microwaved "Michelina's" pasta, and partly to convince Sisters One and Two that she does, indeed, exist. With the other, well, I'll schedule a drinking date with her in the near future. She paid last time (and I actually drank alcohol! Wee!), so this time it's my turn. Maybe we'll go to the PowerPlant for lunch. It's fun to drink in the afternoon.
Thirdly, I joined the "Gateway", our University's official newspaper. Free CDs, books and movies! Huzzah! Plus, and excuse my one big-head moment here, I totally kick ass at it! It's a little hurtful, however, whenever they edit my articles (articles published to date: 2), because somehow I feel that I don't deserve to have my name at the top because the article isn't wholly mine. But once I finish writing my novel, someone's going to edit that too, so I should get used to it while I can.
Fourth, I met a guy. I think. So far I've met several, but we've done little but exchange a few words before class ends. Sigh. I met this guy, who shall now be referred to as Mr.?. I met him while perusing the office of BAKA, the anime club (which I joined!). He laughed at everything I said, and I laughed at everything he said, and we like pretty much the same things... he wasn't at any of the meetings, however (Baka meetings attended to date: 2), so I'll just have to look around the BAKA office.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Memoirs of a non-asian Geisha...

I had my eyebrows waxed today, in preparation for my re-emergence into the world of sociable young people at Orientation on September 6th. My sisters, who are still in highschool, are presently vegging in front of the television and shooting me green looks of envy, as I get to start my education a week later than they do. I must say, I don't entirely understand their anger, because I am quite excited to get started in University. My mother and I made a rather delightful excursion to the Student's Union Building just a few days ago to test out the wireless connection on my shiny new laptop. There were a few moments of brief tension, as I insisted on treating my 2000$ machine as if it were made of glass, but we got it settled down and I surfed the Internet all by myself on my very own computer! Joy!
Having little else to do that day, we explored the Student's Union Building a little more closely, scouring the U's bookstore for random school supplies we had not picked up yet, including a pencilcase for me and 31$ worth of Post-It's for mother. For one short moment, we considered purchasing a very large and fluffy black teddybear wearing a University T-Shirt (believe me, teddy bears are never useless buys for me, because I actually use them -- don't ask.), but we decided it against it (I was still carrying on a solid relationship with my Folk Fest Bear, and I wasn't entirely sure whether the slogan "Once you go black, you never go back" was accurate in this situation).
Finally, my dear mother decided to indulge me by searching for the office of the club I desired to join at University - BAKA, the anime club. We found it among a shabby little warren of offices with peeling paint on the doors and ratty carpeting, identifying it mainly by the doodles of catgirls taped to the walls around it. No one was around, but we did discover that they kindly shared their limited space with the Iranian Students' Association. Good to know.
I suppose by now we should return to the subject I started out with, namely the waxing of my brows. I am cursed -- or blessed, depending on how you look at it -- with thick, wild, black brows that could give Brooke Shields or Jennifer Connelly -- heck, even Peter Gallagher of The O.C. -- a run for their money. While at first, in the early days, I was held back by both the acknowledgement of my dangerously low pain threshold (as a child I cried when my mummy washed my hair) and a fierce, unreasonable pride in my unaltered appearance, I have now had the proceedure done several times. Up until now, I only had it done to "tend the garden" as it were, to make sure that my brows did not reunite above my nose, or swallow my eyes entirely. Today, however, I wanted to do something different. I wanted them to be thinner. I didn't want to look like a young woman with humungous, if well-tamed, black caterpillars on her face.
Of course, along with the loss of all that hair, there would naturally be more pain involved. I was used to the whole thing taking only a few moments, but it took a bit longer this time for the nice lady to make sure they were even and all that. Of course, the moment she tore the strip off my face hurt very badly indeed, but it was worse when she plucked. With waxing, the pain is there for two moments, for plucking, it's a never-ending series of tiny, but nevertheless intolerable, pains.
When I finally got home, and looked in the mirror, bizarrely enough the first thought that came to my mind was that I looked like a geisha. Pale, pale face (sunlight is scary!), red, red, lips (as amusingly scatterbrained as I am, I had put some one earlier in the day and forgot about it) and moderately sized, jet-black, perfectly maintained eyebrows. My mother also thought I looked asian, but believed that was due to the fact that my eyes looked smaller because my brows were relatively swollen and puffy from the ordeal. I'm sure once the swelling dies down I'll look like a nice Irish-Scottish-Polish-Catholic girl from a wealthy neighbourhood once again.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Rules to Live By...

Today, devoted readers, you are looking at a free woman. That's right. As of 9:00 pm yesterday, I am no longer an employee of McDonald's. At the end of that shift, I turned in my uniform, my name tag, and my McGold card and walked out with my last complimentary rootbeer in hand. I have to tell you, I feel nothing but relief. First of all, I should tell you, I left of my own free will. According to many reliable Mickey Dee's sources, it's almost impossible to get fired. You'd have to stab a child with a Happy Meal toy to really be in trouble. Yesterday, in fact, the metal nozzle on one of the drink dispensers broke off and fell unnoticed into a customer's drink at the Drive-Thru. Zak the SuperHappy Manager's reaction was "Oops. Oh well."
Moving on, Murphy's Law was in full swing for the entire final three-hour shift. When I arrived, I still believed in the foolish assumption that "it's only three hours, what can go wrong?" How about the busiest day McDonald's has ever had. I never even got assigned to a specific position, I was just told to do grunt work and back up people. Sigh... Anyway, though, now that I no longer have to smile and say "Good Morning!" to every nutjob who wants a Big Mac, I have decided to compile a list of rules that every potential McDonald's customer should memorize. We've had a lot of stupid people come to McDonald's, who do nothing but inspire hatred, so I feel it would be best for everybody if I came up with Shopping At McDonald's For Dummies:
1. If your order is more than five dollars, you may NOT pay only in change lower than a quarter, unless it's an incredibly slow day and no one is behind you.
2. Do NOT pay for a meal less than a 20 dollars with a 100$ bill in the DRIVE-THRU. We don't have change coming out the yin-yang, you don't have to daze us with your amazing wealth, and people are waiting!
3. If you feel so inclined to bring your large, threatening dog with you when you coast through the Drive-Thru, please keep him in a sufficently sealed carrier. Otherwise, we are not to blame for mangled orders and slobbery ice cream cones.
4. If you aren't satisfied with our food, DON'T COME HERE. Don't say anything like "This cone is too small, just like all of your icecream cones are!" if you don't want us to snatch it out of your hand, rudely refund your money, and bluntly tell you that there is a Laura Secord's down the street.
5. The cashiers aren't psychic. If you don't tell us you'd like the Bic Mac as a meal, you aren't goint to get it as a meal. If you don't tell us you want it Super Sized, it won't be super sized. It's called communication.
6. I realize some people receive unnatural pleasure from pumping the ketchup dispensor at the serving table. When satisfying your bizarre lusts, take the time to squirt the ketchup into the little paper cups and not into a giant red puddle on the counter. No one can use it now.
7. Kids, you can either play with your Happy Meal toys, or go in the PlayLand. If you bring your tiny little car into the PlayLand, you will lose it. You're too young to multitask!
8. Use your heads and have you whole order in mind when you go through the Drive-Thru. Check it over twice. We don't want you coming to the final window with "Oh, could you change that chocolate shake to a strawberry sundae and that Happy Meal to a Super Value Meal?" we have to change the price, now! Idiots!
9. No. I am not on Happy Pills. We do not permit drug use at McDonalds. I'm just a dedicated employee. So stop asking!
10. We usually only have different types of McDonald's toys for each gender at a time. If your child desires a model we don't have, deal with it. Don't accuse us of hiding the toys on purpose. Your child is lucky to receive a plaything in his meal. You know what kids in Third World Countries find in their meals? Scorpions! Or bombs!
11. If you order a coffee with milk on the side, either take a little milk on the side, or buy one of our small cartons of milk. If you like milk that much, pay for it like everyone else.
12. If you haven't decided what you'd like yet, get out of line and let other people order. If you wanted to be first, you should have thought faster.
13. If you pay by debit card, you have to enter your pin number. Yeah, you have to push the little coloured buttons on the little black machine. Because otherwise, your transaction won't go through and your wasting everybody's time!
14. Our store doesn't take Visa. I don't care if this "is the first place my Visa wasn't accepted". Bask in the unfamiliar experience if you must, but don't do it on our time. Pay with debit or cash.
15. Sweaty skateboarding preteens who hold up the line because they want three large cups of water and a small cup of ice can go to Hell. Skateboard home and use your own tap, you lazy jackasses.
16. For your information, breakfast lasts till 10:30 on weekdays, 11:00 on weekends. Don't come through the Drive-Thru at 12:15 asking for an Egg McMuffin and act surprised that Breakfast is over! How late do you sleep in?
17. If you want a special order, describe it immediately. Don't ask for a Big Mac and remark at the end of your order that you wanted it without pickles or onions and with a little extra dash of Tartar sauce on it! We're called a "Fast-Food Restaurant" because we're fast. You're just wasting our food now.
18. Read the goddamn fine print on your coupons! Like the expiry date, or the fact that you get the SAME burger free with the burger you purchased!