Fringe 1x06: "The Cure"

In a small town in Massachusetts, a disoriented woman is tossed out of a van and makes her way to a nearby diner. The server, realizing she's in shock and noticing the bruises on her wrists, calls the local police. Suddenly, everyone in the diner starts screaming, bleeding from the eyes, and dying - except for the Mystery Woman, who takes the Mad Science Death Bar up to eleven when her head explodes.

When the Fringe Buddies arrive on the scene, it's to discover that everyone in the diner died of excessive exposure to radiation - and the headless woman, now identified as Emily Kramer, was the source. While examining the corpse, Walter discovers Emily suffered from Bellini's Lymphocema but appeared to be in remission - odd, considering the illness is considered to be incurable.

Olivia asks Emily's physician Dr. Patel if Emily was taking any special medications. Unfortunately, Dr. Patel's in the dark - even he couldn't explain Emily's sudden recovery from her terminal diagnosis. Olivia asks her FBI pal Charlie to see if anyone else with Bellini's was reported missing - sure enough, Claire Williams was abducted from her home. She also suffered from Bellini's, she also made a miraculous recovery, right before she disappeared.

Meanwhile, Walter and Peter discover the source of the cure - Emily's bloodstream was full of microscopic, time-release capsules of radioactive isotopes that kept the disease at bay with regular doses of helpful radiation. However, whoever abducted her injected her with something that made all of the capsules activate at once - turning her into a human nuclear bomb.

Oliva interrogates Ken Williams, Claire's husband, and discovers that Emily and Claire had been taking experimental, untested therapies - their disease is so rare that pharmaceutical companies never got around to making an official drug for it. And guess who helped - good ol' lying Dr. Patel, who helpfully gives up the name Richard Esterbrook before shooting himself in the head.

Richard Esterbrook is the head of one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in the world, is Obviously Evil, and also knows exactly where Claire Williams is. Olivia confronts him, but he's pretty much untouchable, so Peter makes a Devil's Bargain with the folks at Massive Dynamic to spy on him and find his Mad Science Shenanigan lab. Using this information, Olivia and the FBI storm the lab with Walter's hastily-made cure for Exploding Head-itis and rescue Claire. Richard Esterbrook gets arrested and publicly shamed in the media which I guess is better than Rich People Prison but what do I know?

Olivia's been kind of a witch-with-a-B this episode, and she finally reveals to Peter how she shot her abusive stepfather when she was nine years old (whoa, hardcore). He survived and moved away, and ever since, Olivia's blamed herself for all the evil shit he's still alive to do. And because being a Massively Abusive Dickhole isn't enough, this dude pees in her eye every year by sending her a birthday card to remind her that he's still alive (and, presumably, doing Evil Shit). Sure enough, at the end of the episode, she gets that birthday card shoved under her door. Gross.

Mad Science!

• Big, Bad Pharma
• DIY Radiation Therapy
• Human Atom Bombs

Best Death Scene: There really is no way to top an exploding head. The prize goes to Emily Kramer's literal brain burst. But pretty much everyone in that diner went out in gruesome style - with the radiation literally boiling their brains in their own fluid. 

Mad Science Questions:

• Did Massive Dynamic somehow engineer this whole situation in order to get rid of a competitor and boost their stock? 
• Seriously, how does Olivia's evil stepdad still know where she is? 

Fringe 1x05: "Power Hungry"

Joseph Meegar is just your average loser - with a nagging mother, a nagging boss, and a girl he crushes on who barely knows he exists. Um, he's also the type of creepy dude who takes pictures of his crush without her knowledge. When she finds his phone of creepshots and calls him on it while they're both riding an elevator, the elevator stops, squeals, and plummets 26 floors into the basement. Joseph, the only survivor, flees in horror.

The Fringe Buddies are called to the aftermath. First weird clue - the cable didn't snap, instead, the elevator drove itself into the basement. Secondly, everyone in the car died from electrocution, not impact - and likely before the elevator even landed.

This reminds Walter of research he did in the '70s to see if increasing a human being's electromagnetic field would make them easier for homing pigeons to find and deliver messages to. Broyles, however, is reminded of something more sinister - he warns Olivia that this looks like the work of Dr. Jacob Fisher, a criminal wanted in three countries for illegally experimenting on people under the guise of giving them free weight loss or hair growth treatments.

Olivia, meanwhile, is still reeling from spotting her dead boyfriend John in her apartment the night before. At first she thinks it's just a stress-induced hallucination - until he appears before her at Harvard University, tells her he still loves her, and warns her to find Joseph before Dr. Fisher does.

While Olivia and the Fringe Buddies work hard to track Joseph by his trail of accidental electricity-induced deaths and maimings (including sending his boss's arm into a re-animated shredder), they arrive at his apartment to find he's already been kidnapped by Dr. Fisher for further experimentation.

Walter comes up with a typically Mad Science way to find him - after extracting Joseph's unique electromagnetic signature from a cassette tape left in the smashed elevator, Walter tricks a flock of GPS-tracked pigeons into recognizing that signature as due north and sets them free. The magnetized pigeons  lead Olivia and Peter directly to Dr. Fisher's science lab. Dr. Fisher is arrested and Joseph is captured. Poor, unwitting Joseph just wants to go home, but Olivia realistically knows this won't happen for a while - not with Joseph's powers and his uncertain control over them. Thankfully Broyles uses the information in Dr. Fisher's lab to track down seven more human test subjects to test them before their powers emerge.

Olivia finally gathers the courage to talk about her John-hallucinations with Walter. Walter explains this is likely a result of the psychic link she made with John back in the Pilot episode, and that these hallucinations are just the brain's way of working John's thoughts and memories out of her system. When she next spots John by the side of the road, he winds up leading her to something her own brain couldn't possibly have known about: a secret bunker containing John's private investigations into the Pattern.

Oh, and a wedding ring. No biggie.

Mad Science!

• Electrified People
• GPS Homing Pigeons
• Hey look, Cassette Tapes are Still Useful!
• Human Experimentation
• Super-Persistant Dead Ex-Boyfriends

Best Death Scene: Dr. Fisher's goon who's crushed by a car. This one's not for gore or shock value, but for how incredibly satisfying it is to see Joseph use his powers to drive a vehicle into one of the men who tormented him. 

Mad Science Questions:

• Walter says that John's ghost is only Olivia's brain's way of expelling his remaining consciousness - but then how does he know things that Olivia doesn't?
• Who else has Dr. Jacob Fisher messed with?

Fringe 1x04 "The Arrival"

Peter Bishop is sick and tired of babysitting his eccentric and mentally unstable father. Feeling that Olivia, Astrid and Broyles now have a good enough rapport with Walter, he tells Olivia that this will be his last case.

This time, the Fringe Buddies are investigating the appearance of a strange, vibrating cylinder that tunnelled its way out of the earth and caused a gas line explosion at a construction site. Looking at photographs of a similar event that took place in 1987, Olivia spots a strange bald man in the background - the same bald man who was caught on camera at the hospital a few days after the recent explosion.

Broyles reveals that this follicle-challenged figure has been spotted at hundreds of Mad Science Shenanigans over the decades. Their department calls him the Observer, and they have no idea what his purpose is.

Unfortunately, a creep named John Moseley (no apparent relation to the loser valet from Downton Abbey) is after the cylinder, too, and storms the construction site with an honest-to-God ray gun. The good news? The cylinder's no longer there because it was moved to Walter's lab. The bad news? Peter discovers it's no longer at the lab either - because Walter drugged Astrid and stole the cylinder for his own unfathomable purposes.

Walter is quickly found, but he's already hidden the cylinder and refuses to tell anyone where it is. He explains he was doing a favour for the Observer, whom he's met and spoken to. Our Fringe Buddies are not very happy with their dear Doctor Crazypants, least of all Peter - who winds up kidnapped by Moseley. He's subjected to an extremely painful Mind-Reading machine that combines a Neti Pot with an iPod and leaves its victims tortured, mentally drained, and likely nursing a wicked sinus infection.

Amazingly, Moseley deduces where Walter's hidden the cylinder from Peter's thoughts, and he drags Peter to the family cemetery to dig it up. Olivia storms in like a bad-ass and shoots Moselely, while Peter runs into the Observer, who reads Peter's thoughts and then shoots him with some sort of futuristic air rifle. Peter's not afforded a whole lot of mental privacy in this episode, poor guy.

So where does that leave us? Moseley's dead - but his rap sheet doesn't tell the Fringe Buddies much. The cylinder's gone - it vanished into the earth when Moseley dropped it. Peter's physically okay - but now he thinks that Walter might be right, and all these Mad Science Shenanigans might be the result of a sinister master plan.

Later that night, in their hotel room, Walter reveals why he hid the cylinder - one Thanksgiving night when Peter was a child, Walter lost control of the car and they fell into the ice and (according to Walter) died. Except a mysterious bald man dragged them from the water and saved them - the Observer. Somehow, Walter sensed that hiding the cylinder would finally repay the Observer for his actions that night.

Olivia, meanwhile, runs into another dead man while eating cereal in her apartment - none other than her dearly departed ex, John.

Mad Science!

• Telepathy
• Mind-Reading Torture Machines
• Ray Guns
• Subterranean missles
• Beacons

Best Death Scene: No real special deaths in this episode - but only crap, did Peter take a beating. He was hit, kidnapped, electrocuted, had electrodes shoved up his nose and into his brain, and got zapped by the Observer.

Mad Science Questions:

• Who was Moseley? And how did a petty criminal with homicide and drug-related crimes in his background get a ray gun and a Psychic Neti Torture Pot Machine?
• How was Moseley able to grab Walter's thoughts from Peter's mind?

"OCD Love Story," by Corey Ann Haydu (SimonTeen, 2013)

The Protagonist: Bea. After a particularly bad break-up, she's been seeing Dr. Pat for therapy. When her therapist asks her to join a group therapy session for teenagers with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, she's certain Dr. Pat has made a mistake. She not that crazy.
Her Angst: She starts falling for a fellow therapy mate named Beck - he has some pretty serious compulsions, too, but she doesn't mind. But what will happen if he starts getting better as she starts getting worse?

The Secondary Cast:

Lisha: Bea's best friend from grade school. Remarkably tolerant and okay with Bea's odd little quirks - but as they start getting worse, how long will she stick around?

Dr. Pat: Bea's therapist. Bea alternately wants to please her and resents her for trying to fix problems that don't seem all that important to Bea.

Beck: A boy with ongoing OCD whom Bea meets when he has a panic attack at a school dance. He's big and strong - but he has his own issues.

Austin: A self-absorbed indie rocker who attends couples therapy before Bea. Bea becomes fascinated with his style, his rock star life, his devil-may-care attitude - and then convinced that she has to keep observing him if she wants to keep him safe.

Sylvia: Austin's unhappy wife. Bea wishes she had her life, even as it appears that Sylvia's not as satisfied with it as Bea is.

Angst Checklist:

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
• Mental Illness
• Random Violence
• Stalking
• Narcissism
• Hipster Music

The Word: I'm going to have to get a little personal about this review.

OCD Love Story scared the shit out of me. In a good way. In just the way I needed to be scared.

I've been dealing with some fears of my own. I've let some worries and anxieties get the better of me lately, and after an incident in New York City while I was attending Book Expo America, I realized that I wasn't dealing with them in a way that was rational. Instead, I was making my own life smaller. Part of me hoped I could just ignore it and keep myself in a safe space and it would disappear on its own. I didn't want to go to therapy. Crazy people need therapy. Therapy is expensive. Sometimes therapy doesn't work. 

I'm not going to say that OCD Love Story was the One Big Motivating factor that got me to make moves towards getting help and solving the problem, because that's not true. That honour goes to my family, especially my mother. But this novel's amazingly detailed portrayal of its heroine gave me an astonishing amount of insight into my own problems that helped me better understand why I needed help, and why going out and getting it while it's still relatively minor is better than waiting until it grows bigger and sucks all the enjoyment out of life.

Our heroine Bea believes her problems are pretty minor. Almost too minor for therapy sessions with Dr. Pat, which she's attended since a particularly bad break-up with a football player. Definitely too minor for the group therapy that Dr. Pat recommends - one participant's plucked her head nearly bald, and another's scratched up his face thanks to his compulsions. Bea doesn't understand why Dr. Pat wants her to share her life with a bunch of kids who are clearly way crazier than she is.

Bea's just a little bit cautious. She's a nervous driver. She collects and scrapbooks articles about accidents and murders for Current Events class. She likes to take notes about the interesting people she meets - particularly Austin and Sylvia, the two gorgeous, ultra-fabulous people who see Dr. Pat for couples therapy right before Bea's sessions. So she's a bit quirky. It doesn't mean she's totally nuts. It doesn't mean she actually has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

However, she does develop a crush on Beck, another participant in her group therapy sessions. Like her, he seems to rest closer to the "normal" side of the spectrum. He gets a little too intense about his gym work outs. His parents are concerned about how much he washes his hands. Sometimes, to calm himself, he'll tap his foot in groups of eight. But he's super cute and he likes Bea, too. Their separate weirdnesses somehow fit together.

However, the more you get to know Bea and learn about her life, the more you learn how deep her issues are, and how worse her issues get the longer she refuses to address them. It's fascinating how a small, relatively harmless quirk evolves into a compulsion. For example, Bea starts taking notes about Austin and Sylvia because they're interesting and she can overhear their sessions in the waiting room. Soon, she's driving by their house and taking notes about them every day, and the more she does it, the more she convinces herself that if she doesn't do it, something terrible might happen to them. She's not stalking them. She's just looking out for their safety.

Bea, as a character, resonated extremely powerfully with me. She has wishes and desires and is so frank and honest about herself - even as she descends deeper into her compulsions, she knows she's doing it, she knows it's irrational, and yet at same time she can't help herself. Her developing relationship with Beck is equally fascinating - she's actually comforted by his compulsions, to the point where she starts resenting him when he shows signs of improving, of "leaving her behind." 

Bea gives us a sympathetic and detailed view into OCD - like how a lot of compulsions are simply ways sufferers convince themselves they are controlling the things they are afraid of, when they are afraid of things that ultimately cannot be controlled. Things like death, random acts of violence, or natural disasters. Bea's read so many articles about seemingly-harmless people who suddenly snapped and hurt someone, that she can't stand to touch sharp objects around people she cares about. She wouldn't really hurt them. She's just being careful. Just in case.

It's this just in case that struck such a powerful chord in me as I was reading, because it reflected so much of what I was and still am going through. The need to feel safe, at the expense of rational behaviour. The need to feel safe in a world where nothing, really, is completely safe. 

It's frightening to identify so personally with a fictional character with similar issues, to realize that a complete stranger who's never met you has constructed this pointing hand out of paper and ink that reaches out and pokes you right in the chest. Hey, you! Yes, you! I see you! 

I'm not going to go into too much detail about my own personal situation (although I almost did - this review was initially nine paragraphs longer, you're welcome!), just enough to say that this novel invoked an extremely personal and positive reaction in me, and helped me look at my situation with a measure of hope. This book is powerful and poignant and funny. Bea has a problem, but her life isn't All Problem. She's a person - who happens to want to be a fashion designer. Who likes drinking stolen wine with her best friend while watching dumb reality shows. Who likes and eventually loves Beck because of, in spite of, as well as, on top of his compulsions.

And isn't this what literature is supposed to do? Inform readers about how different people live, and also inform those different people that they are not as alone, nor as abnormal, nor as incurable, nor as weak as they thought? 

A+

My Quarterly Round-Up

So, as you may have guessed - I can sometimes be a little forgetful. However, forgetting to do my monthly round-ups for three months running is a bit of a stretch, even for me! The only excuse I can find is that I was busy with Book Expo at the end of May, and then busy recovering from Book Expo at the end of June, which may have led to me forgetting those two months.

Either way, I'll round-up all three months in one convenient post for your reading pleasure!

May

*May Winner*

 Some Kind of Fairy Tale, by Graham Joyce. Fantasy, Contemporary. A-

Pros: Fantastic writing, well-developed characters, great use of themes. Cons: The actual fairyland scenes pale in comparison to the rest of the novel.

*May Duds*

Last Summer at Mars Hill, by Elizabeth Hand. Fantasy, Anthology. C-

Pros: "The Have-Nots" and "Engels Unaware." Cons: Everything else.

Fathomless, by Jackson Pearce. YA, Fantasy. C-

Pros: Interesting adaptation of "The Little Mermaid" story. Cons: Silly world building, ridiculous characterization, more victimization of women, weak story.

Reconstructing Amelia, by Kimberly McCreight. Mystery, Contemporary. B
Pros: Interesting examination of mothers and daughters, excellent use of alternate POVs. Cons: First half of the novel is really slow, main character is rather terrible at crime solving.

A Woman Entangled, by Cecilia Grant. Romance, Historical. B-
Pros: Lovely writing, as always. Unconventional set-up. Cons: Lame pay-off, too little conflict, passive heroine.

June

*June Winners*

Can't Buy Me Love, by Molly O'Keefe. Romance, Contemporary. A+

Pros: Lively characters, great conflict, gorgeous writing style. Cons: Some repetitive angst, a couple of bone-headed hero decisions here and there.

Burn for Burn, by Siohban Vivian and Jenny Han. YA, Contemporary. A+

Pros: Excellent characters, fantastically intricate and well-realized smalltown setting, great writing. Cons: Weeeird psychic powers out of nowhere, total cliffhanger ending.

*June Dud* 

Far, Far Away, by Tom McNeal. YA, Fantasy. D

Pros: A connection to fairy tales. Cons: Awful manic pixie dream girl heroine, non-entity hero, stilted writing and dialogue, wildly uneven tone.

Openly Straight, by Bill Konigsberg. YA, Contemporary, LGBT. B
Pros: Interesting concept, original discussion, good characters. Cons: Main character is a bit whiny and privileged, ultimate pay off a little too obvious.

Review Round Up: The Sweet Dead Life (YA, Fantasy, B), The Governess Affair (Romance, Historical, B-), The Third Angel (Fiction, Contemporary, B+)

Dragon Keeper, by Robin Hobb. Fantasy, High. C+
Pros: Interesting world building. Cons: Too much fanservice and repetitive exposition, too little actual story. Incredibly slow set-up and abrupt ending.

July

*July Winners*

The Hidden Heart, by Laura Kinsale. Romance, Historical. B

Pros: Exotic settings, developed villains, good heroine. Cons: Meandering plot, too-angsty-to-live hero.

The Universe Versus Alex Woods, by Gavin Extence. YA, Contemporary. B

Pros: Humorous writing style, interesting subjects. Cons: Unfocused plotline.

*July Dud* 

Everything and the Moon, by Julia Quinn. Romance, Historical. F+

Pros: The heroine is pretty awesome. That poor, poor, heroine... Cons: She winds up with a misogynist narcissistic hero who kidnaps her, assaults her, restricts her movements - and is baffled that she assumes he's going to be just as bad when they're married.

Hot Under the Collar, by Jackie Barbosa. Romance, Historical, Novella. B-
Pros: Mature, reasonable characters. Some nice drama. Cons: Conflict is solved too easily.

The Son, by Philipp Meyer. Fiction, Historical. C
Pros: Detailed setting and history. Cons: Distant characters, unfocused plot.

Forever and a Day, by Jill Shalvis. Romance, Contemporary. C
Pros: Decent writing, good plot set up. Cons: Incompetent heroine, unbelievable and cutesy small-town setting.

Fringe 1x03: "The Ghost Network"

This episode opens in a confessional, as a terrified man named Roy (a.k.a. that dude from Revolution) is worried that the painful visions he's been having might be the product of the devil. However, he can't muster up the courage to reveal everything to his priest and he flees - dropping a page from his sketchbook in the process. The page reveals a sketch of terrified people choking and screaming on a bus.

Later that day, our Fringe Buddies are called to the scene of particularly awful Scientific Fuckery. A bus was discovered filled with a hard, crystallized substance - the passengers inside frozen as if trapped in amber. Walter deduces that it's the result of a weapon that's released as a gas and then solidifies when it reaches the air, suffocating and immobilizing its victims.

After recovering a video camera from the wreckage, Olivia realizes a woman's backpack was taken from the bus before the attack. It appears this woman - Anna Jiminez, an undercover DEA agent - was the intended target. Her handler says she'd asked to be pulled out when the members of the drug cartel she'd infiltrated started talking about The Pattern.

However, Roy's (confessional-vow-breaking) priest gives his bus-sketch to the authorities, who quickly round him up. Olivia and even Broyles are confused - this schlubby office drone doesn't fit anyone's profile of a mass murderer. Neither of them believe he did it - and yet his apartment is full of sketches and adorable dioramas of Mad Science Shenanigans (including the events of the previous two episodes) all of which were variously drawn, sketched, collaged and glue-gunned before the events actually took place.

Walter recognizes Roy's visions from the theoretical research he did in the '80s with his former colleague William Bell (the founder of Massive Dynamic!). By injecting a special serum into the brain, people could be able to telepathically transmit information over a mental frequency - a "ghost" network - without anyone overhearing. And it turns out Roy was one of the Walter's test subjects back when he was a college sophomore.

Peter is appalled, and this is pretty much the first sign we get that cuddly Dr. Crazypants wasn't always the nicest or most ethical of scientists.

Anyhoo, Walter figures out that the people organizing the Pattern have been using the Ghost Network, and Roy's visions have been the result of him unintentionally "eavesdropping" on their plans. Walter decides to reprogram Roy's brain to interpret the Ghost Network information as words instead of images in order to track the people who attacked the bus.

Olivia, using information from Roy, goes after the people responsible (including Anna's handler!), and recovers a strange, translucent disk he'd taken from Anna. It's anyone's guess as to what it does, but it's likely important - important enough for Broyles to give it to Nina Sharp of Massive Dynamic without telling Olivia.

And Roy is free to go home - now that the Pattern Peeps know the Ghost Network's been compromised, it's unlikely they'll use it again, meaning no more visions.

Mad Science!

• Airborne agents that solidify into rock-hard materials
• Psychic Phone Lines (not the kind you think)
• Rerouting visual brain signals into audible brain signals
• Homemade Psychotic Medication
• Downloading from the Dead for Fun and Profit

Best Death Scene: While the idea of suffocating on solidifying gas is gruesome, the best death goes to Matthew Ziegler, the Pattern henchman who backs into an oncoming bus rather than surrender to FBI officials. BOOM! 

Mad Science Questions:

• Who was that man Peter accosted, who said Peter needed to "check in"?
• What was that strange disk Olivia recovered for the Fringe Buddies? And what does Nina Sharp hope to do with it?
• How are the folks at Massive Dynamic still receiving information from dead John's brain?

"Hot Under the Collar," by Jackie Barbosa (Circe Press, 2012)

The Chick: Artemisia Finch. A famous courtesan, she remains in a town that despises her in order to take care of her ailing father.
The Rub: The hot vicar proposes an affair - but is she willing to risk ruining the man's career if they're caught?
Dream Casting: Georgia King.

The Dude: Walter Langston. A settled rake-turned-vicar who discovers he's more fitted to his vocation than he originally thought.
The Rub: Would he be willing to risk that in order to find justice for the woman he loves?
Dream Casting: Guy Pearce.

The Plot:

Walter: You're hot. We should bone.

Artemisia: I can't dispute either of those statements, but don't you care that I'm a whore?

Walter: Not particularly.

Boning: *is had!*

Robert, Evil Earl's Son: I care that you're a whore! And I'm going to tell EVERYONE!

Walter: Hey, congregation, 's'alright if I marry this superhot courtesan? Especially if I quote some Scripture at you while I'm at it?

Congregation: We are uncharacteristically okay with that idea!

Robert: CURSES!

Artemisia: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist:

• 1 Happy Hooker Heroine
• 1 Reforme Rake
• 1 Evil Ex
• 1 Stillborn Baby
• 1 Terrible Housekeeper

The Word: Hot Under the Collar was one of my very first eBook purchases - and then I sort of forgot about it. Mainly because I hated reading on my hand-me-down Kobo Vox, and also because you can't see your eTBR staring you in the face the same way your print TBR does. Thus my print book pile always seemed more urgent.

But now that I have my shiny, lovely Kobo Mini? I'm on the eTrain!

Walter Langston never really wanted to be a vicar. As a ne'er-do-well third son, however, he had little choice - it was the church or the army. And as the hot, young, single vicar of the small village of Grange-Over-Sands, he's a tempting target for every devout family with a marriageable daughter. The only woman who doesn't threaten him with matrimony is also the only woman who never enters the church.

Artemisia Finch knows where she's not welcome - and that includes pretty much all of Grange-Over-Sands. When she was fifteen, she was impregnated by the son of the local earl who had his friends and servants lie about her slutty ways in order to escape having to marry her. After giving birth to a stillborn child, she hied off to London to become a successful and independently wealthy courtesan. While she's returned to care for her ailing father, she keeps a healthy distance between herself and the townsfolk who still hold her in contempt.

Walter is intrigued and attracted to Artemisia and proposes a clandestine affair. Artemisia is also attracted to Walter, and more than a little lonely, so she agrees. Before too long (this is, after all, a novella) they start to develop deeper feelings for each other. But how can a vicar marry a courtesan?

Fairly easily, as it turns out. There are plenty of good aspects to this novella - I love how the roguish Walter grows to actually enjoy his position and his impact on the community, which only raises the stakes since the parish council has the ability to sack him at a moment's notice should he stray from propriety (by, say, carrying on with a courtesan). I also enjoyed how Artemisia is a sexually mature heroine. She carries no shame or regret for the choices she made to survive, and she recognizes the awful double standards that allowed the earl's son to walk away unscathed.

That being said, I felt this story pulled way too many punches. Everything just seemed too easy. Walter worries - but he's never too worried. He's fairly confident he can win the people over, and he does so without too much trouble. Considering how badly people treated Artemisia for years, I had a hard time swallowing how easily (and hypocritically) they re-accepted her into the fold.

Artemisia is a courtesan, but she's such an awesome, super-special courtesan that she's only ever taken two lovers during the entire span of her career. Her "choosiness" is portrayed as a sign of her good (read: not really slutty) character. But when you're a prostitute trying to survive, is only having two customers an actual choice or just really awesome luck? What if she'd had to take more because, I don't know, the economy sucked? Would that have made her less heroic?

As well, there's little to no external conflict. We get a stereotypical moustache-twirling turn from the earl's son, but he's defeated so off-handedly with the casual melodrama of a teen soap that I could never understand how he was considered a threat to begin with.

While I liked both characters and Ms. Barbosa's writing is stellar, the story is just too lightweight to retain my attention.
B-

Fringe 1x02: "The Same Old Story"

This episode opens in a hotel room where a man named Christopher and a prostitute have just finished a performance review of the World's Oldest Profession. Christopher steps into the bathroom and arranges his Not At All Horrifying collection of scalpels and syringes, but before he can do anything, the prostitute starts screaming and clutching her rapidly-swelling belly.

Christopher drives her to a hospital in a panic and dumps her, where she dies giving birth to a horrifically-growing baby that dies of old age within minutes.

Nobody can figure this out, so our brand-new Fringe Buddies (Olivia, Walter, Peter, and Olivia's junior agent assistant Astrid Farnsworth) are called to investigate. Olivia, who is already having a hard time coming to terms with discovering her boyfriend John was a traitor in the last episode, is further shaken when the clues point to a serial killer case she and John worked on. Years ago, a murderer dubbed the Brain Surgeon paralysed hookers and cut out pieces of their brains while they were still alive and conscious. He was never caught.

Walter remarks that the baby's aging reminds him of research he did with Dr. Claus Penrose on theoretically messing with the pituitary gland to make babies age faster in case the army ever wanted to cultivate crops of ready-made short-order soldiers. The only problem? How to stop the aging process once the subject reached the desired point.

While the Fringe Buddies are trying to figure out what a brain-stealing serial killer and a Benjamin Button Baby have in common, Christopher abducts and murders another girl. When they recover the body, Walter offers to directly steal a plot point from the Wild, Wild West movie and see if the girl's last moments were recorded on her optic nerve at the time of her death. Using a handy-dandy camera device provided by Massive Dynamic (in return for a blatant attempt to hire Olivia onto their team), they spot recognizable landmarks from the victim's brain.

Meanwhile, Olivia and Walter deduce that the Brain Surgeon might be a product of Walter and Claus Penrose's experiments - it turns out he's been stealing pituitary glands from his victims, most likely in order to slow down his own aging process. He screwed up with the last victim when he got her pregnant and passed his super-growing genes onto his offspring.

Olivia and Peter track him down to an abandoned warehouse, where Christopher is being helped by his father - Claus Penrose. Olivia pursues Christopher who, thanks to not getting his daily dose of Hooker Brain, ages before her eyes into an old man. As he lies dying, he confesses that his father Claus should have let him die years ago, but helped him kill hookers instead because he loved him too much. Aw, that's almost adorable.

Now that the Hooker-Brain-Eating case has been solved, Broyles congratulates Olivia, but warns her not to reveal too much about the Pattern (the theory that all of these Mad Science Outbreaks are a worldwide coordinated effort) to Nina of Massive Dynamic. While Nina definitely knows about the Pattern and advises Broyles and his Mad Science Council on occasion, Broyles clearly doesn't trust her or her Shady Conglomerate Employer.

Mad Science!

• Mayfly Babies
• Edible Pituitary Glands
• Eyeball Cameras
• DIY Defibrillators

Best Death Scene: Hmm, this is a tough one. All the hooker deaths are pretty squicky because the killer required them to be alive and conscious (but paralysed) when he cut into their brains through their mouths. However, I'm going to have to say that in terms of melodrama and the oh-shit!-factor, the prize goes to Loraine Daisy, the hooker from the cold open who went from post-coital bliss to violent mid-partum exploding-uterus death thanks to Christopher's Miracle-Gro baby. The nurse's monster-movie worthy scream of horror afterwards was just the cherry on top.

Mad Science Questions:

• Walter mentions that something's off about Peter's medical history - is Peter an experiment, too?

"The Hidden Heart," by Laura Kinsale (HarperCollins, 1986)

The Chick: Lady Tess Collier. Just returned from South America, she's determined to follow her dying father's wish and marry well.
The Rub: Unfortunately, she's fallen in love with a poor ship's captain named Gryphon Frost.
Dream Casting: Michelle Dockery.

The Dude: Gryphon Arthur Meridon, Sixth Marquess of Ashland, a.k.a. "Gryphon Frost." A penniless adventurer, he's tasked with helping Lady Tess find a suitable husband.
The Rub: Gryphon wants Tess for himself, but after losing love too many times, is his heart willing to take the risk again?
Dream Casting: Chris Hemsworth.

The Plot:

Tess: Hello! I'm an aristocrat raised in the wilds of the jungle!

Gryphon: Hello! I'm a secret aristocrat who's become a penniless sea captain when my family was murdered by pirates!

Tess: Awesome! I love you!

Gryphon: Sweet! I love you too---

Random Pregnant Villainess: I'M CARRYING YOUR BEHBEH.

Tess: GTFO.

Gryphon: :(

Six Months Later

Tess: Welp, I married an Obvious Abusive Pedophile instead. Looks like I learned my lesson! Make-up sex?

Gryphon: NO.

Tess: How about make-up sex on A DESERTED ISLAND?

Gryphon: .....okay.

Tess: That was awesome! I can't wait to start our happily ev---

Gryphon: Oh look at the time, it's I Never Really Loved You O'Clock!

Tess: Are you fucking kidding me?

Stephen the Pedophile Husband: Time for an action-filled climax! *kidnaps*

Gryphon: HANDS OFF MY WOMAN! *kills Stephen*

Tess: Don't send him to jail! He's really a Secret Marquess!

Gryphon: I'm sorry, but my manly manpain can't take any more love or emotions.

Tess: Um, I had your kid. I think my uteruspain outranks your manpain.

Gryphon: But---

Tess: And I was kidnapped. And locked in a CELLAR. Cellarpain, kidnapped pain > manpain.

Gryphon: ...I'm cured!

Tess: HOORAY!

Romance Convention Checklist:

• 1 Secret Peer
• 1 Band of Pirates
• 1 Evil Gay Pedophile Villain
• Several Tropical Storms
• 1 Shootout in a Cellar
• 1 Loyal Butler
• 1 Murder Trial

The Word: Lady Tess is the only daughter of the Earl of Morrow, a noted botanist and adventurer who's spent the last ten years of his life (and Tess's) exploring South American rainforests. While he lies dying of a fever, his final wish is for Tess to return to England and marry.

However, the Earl's friend, Mr. Taylor is worried for Tess' wellbeing. It's going to be hard enough for her to re-adapt to England's stifling social customs after ten years gallivanting about the rainforest and performing amateur taxidermy (for reals), but with her enormous fortune she will also be a tempting target for scoundrels and fortune hunters. Mr. Taylor decides to hire Gryphon Frost, the man captaining the ship destined to return Tess to England, to pose as a gentleman and help Tess separate the marital sheep from the goats.

This poses a significant problem for Gryphon, as he's half in love with Tess already. Unfortunately, he's broke and Mr. Taylor's willing to pay top dollar, so he signs on to nurse a six-month-long boner and help Tess find the upper-class man of her dreams.

Gryphon, of course, is hiding a Dark Past worthy of a Gilbert and Sullivan musical - if Gilbert and Sullivan were clinically depressed. The grandson of the Marquess of Ashland, Gryphon was only a boy when his mother, father, uncle, and sisters were brutally murdered by pirates while returning to England from India. The captain of the accompanying ship, a man who married a cousin of Gryphon's family, refused to rescue them in order to obtain the marquessate for his own son.

While Gryphon mourns his old life and his family, after his one teenage attempt to return to Ashland nearly resulted in his own murder, he knows he has little to no chance of proving his identity seventeen years after the fact. Falling in love with a wealthy aristocrat like Tess only pours salt in the wound.

Especially since his feelings are reciprocated. Like him, Tess was born into the peerage but spent most of her life outside of Society's ken, and relearning the rules and strictures is a struggle. However, to please her father's ghost she continues to receive titled suitors - like Stephen Elliott, the current Marquess of Ashland who casually invites Gryphon to his Whips, Sticks, and Pedophilia Club after a single night's acquaintance.

Eventually, Tess and Gryphon admit their love for each other, but before they can seal the deal a Random Pregnant Villainess shows up and casts our two lovers adrift. The rest of the novel follows our protagonists as they make their long, slow, circuitous way back to each other.

The plot pretty much loses all structure at this point. For the next several hundred pages, Tess and Gryphon ping pong between several continents and their own impenetrable angsts, as dangers of varying degrees of melodrama (tropical storms, misunderstandings, murder trials) rise up to swat them in new directions. The novel is definitely an example of an epic romance, encompassing months and years of our protagonists developing, reuniting, breaking up again, and rushing back to save each other, and all of it in interesting and well-described situations and settings (Brazil, Tahiti, England).

Thanks to the aimless plotting, the novel's enjoyment rests solely on our characters and here's where the novel succeeds - and stumbles. Tess is a fairly interesting heroine. Yes, she's naive and a bit of a doormat when Gryphon mistreats her, but she knows how to get angry and knows how to take care of herself in dangerous situations, which is more than I can say for Olympia and even Leda. There's a particularly hilarious scene where Tess, upon discovering an intruder in her house, flees to the shore, jumps into the ocean and swims to Gryphon's ship.

Gryphon, on the other hand... Well, he starts out adorably enough. Kinsale is a master at writing bumbling lovestruck heroes and Gryphon is no exception. Unfortunately, after the initial event that separates him and Tess, he develops severe Philophobia and repeatedly sends Tess away because Love and Attachment Cause Pain, and His Heart Can't Take It Again, blah blah blah. Much like the hero of this novel's sequel, Gryphon neglects and mistreats Tess (and eventually their child, which was extremely hard to swallow) in order to drive her away. I realize these sorts of heroes often think they're acting in the best interests of the heroines, but it's their manpain and their mantears they're really concerned about and I lost patience with Gryphon after the first two times he shoots Tess down.

So what, really, did I think of The Hidden Heart? It's a solid debut, with delicious backstories, unconventional locations, and lots of drama. The foundations of Laura Kinsale's writing are all here. There's a lot of room for improvement - but thankfully, as we already know, Laura Kinsale does.
B

Fringe 1x01: "Pilot"

Next up in my Summer TV Recap Series is Fringe. A long time ago, I watched a few episodes but fell out of it. A year ago, I bought the season one DVD thanks to the enthusiastic praise it received online regarding how it concluded its fifth and final season. And yet, I never found the time nor the inclination to watch it.

Now, thanks to the enthusiastic praises of the completely fictional Ben Wyatt from Parks and Recreation, as well as the fact that I can only turn on the TV and see nothing but reality and talent competitions for so long without going insane, I will be watching and recapping a completely new-to-me series. Which will be a switch from rewatching Downton Abbey and Veronica Mars.

And let me tell you, Fringe had one big, shiny pilot. It all begins on a commercial flight from Berlin when the passengers all start melting and vomiting on each other like they have Super Leprosy.

FBI agents Olivia Dunham and John Scott (a.k.a. that dude from Human Target) are making the down-low interoffice sexytimes at the Squeaky-Bed Motel when they get the call about the plane that landed at Boston's airport full of gelatine-skeletons. They arrive with their FBI pal Charlie Francis (a.k.a. that dude who gouged another dude's eyes out on Oz) and are given their orders by Phillip Broyles (a.k.a. that dude who pushed another dude down an elevator shaft in Oz).

However, while investigating a lead, things literally blow up in John and Olivia's faces and John catches Super Leprosy too - although they've found a way to slow down the process. Desperate to save him, Olivia discovers that all this stuff about melty people and see-through skin and Super-Leprosy all used to be studied by this famous scientist named Walter Bishop (a.k.a. that royal dude who tried to set his son on fire in The Lord of the Rings).

Unfortunately, he's been in a mental asylum for years after one of his assistants was killed in his lab, so Olivia tracks down Walter's son Peter Bishop (a.k.a. the guy in Dawson's Creek who didn't have a creek named after him), who's like this Nomadic Loner Super Genius Con Artist whose only flaws are a crippling gambling debt and acting skills that are not quite up to par yet with the rest of the cast.

After some blatant blackmailing, Olivia and Peter manage to bust out Walter and get him a lab at Harvard University, some super-expensive science equipment, and a cow, because it's not like the government's short on money or anything. And despite being in a nuthouse for more than a decade, Walter's surprisingly up to date on scientific progress. Sadly, he can't concoct an antidote for John without knowing what sort of chemicals he was exposed to and by whom.

Thankfully, Walter has a Mad-Science solution that involves Olivia psychically linking with the comatose John while tripping balls in a hot tub and it works because Mad Science. The perpetrator is Richard Steig, who used to work for this Shady Conglomerate called Massive Dynamic (because Overcompensating Dynamic was taken?), whose representative, Nina Sharp, is responsible for dropping Cryptic Hints in front of protagonists.

Olivia's superior, Broyles, is pretty impressed with Olivia's ability to get high in her underwear and offers her a job with his Super Classified Pinkie-Swear Secret Division. Apparently, events like the Super-Leprosy Plane have been happening all over the world, as if a legion of Mad Scientists have decided to make the world their lab, and it's all fitting into some sort of sinister Pattern.

Olivia says no until her boyfriend recovers, turns out to have been evil all along, kills his accomplice Steig, and dies in a car crash. Then she says yes because, at this point, why the fuck not? Perhaps the only way to fight a Pattern of Mad Scientists is with one of their own - the eccentric Walter Bishop.

Mad Science!

• Super-Leprosy
• Airborne Toxins
• AI-Piloted Airplanes 
• Homemade LSD
• Hot Tub Telepathy Machines
• Robot Arms
• Conversations with Dead People

Best Death Scene:

• The German pilot's jaw-dropping demise - as his jaw literally dissolves off of his face. Because it's melting. He dies screaming but I'm sure he'll get the joke once he's in Fictional Character Heaven. 

Mad Science Questions:

• Some of the gelatine-skeletons on the downed plane were pretty disgustingly cool - yet a disconcerting number of them aren't wearing clothes. The toxin only dissolves organic matter - so who gets shirtless on a plane? 

Veronica Mars Season Finale: "Leave It To Beaver"

The Mystery: Who, REALLY, killed Lilly Kane?

The season finale opens right after Keith's story about Abel's innocence is published in the local papers. Cassidy "Beaver" Casablancas (Dick's younger brother), comes to Veronica and reveals that Logan - who'd told police he was partying in Mexico on the night of Lilly's murder - had actually returned to Neptune the night before after ranting about how Lilly was cheating on him. Beaver had never told anyone this because he, like most of Neptune, assumed Abel was the killer.

Beaver also tells Veronica that Logan had bought Lilly a shot glass with a cutesy slogan on it - the same shot glass that was found in Lilly's car on the night she was killed. Veronica has already been avoiding Logan after finding the royally creepy recording equipment in his poolhouse, so she's no longer inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. Neither is Weevil, who overhears Veronica confirming Logan's guilt with her dad.

Meanwhile, Keith finally gets his justly-earned fifty grand from the Kane family - in return for Veronica signing away any rights to sue them. It sucks to be the Kanes, then, since Keith's paternity test conclusively proves that Veronica has and always shall be a natural-born Mars. Hugs for everyone!

Except for Logan - who winds up at the sheriff's department being questioned for Lilly's murder. And when he finds out Veronica's testimony put him there - ow! My heart!

A heartbroken Logan tracks Veronica down at the beach and tries to plead his case. Yes, he returned from Mexico early - but he realized he and Lilly were over for good and he wrote her a letter explaining this. He left the letter in her car along with the shot glass. While Veronica's not wholly convinced, she decides to sneak into the Kane house and see if Lilly hid the letter (or anything else useful) in her air vent.

She's caught breaking in by Duncan and his Stupid Face, but after telling him that (unlike Duncan's Own Parents) she doesn't believe he killed his own sister, he helps her look for Lilly's evidence.

Who Ultimately Dunnit: When Veronica and Duncan discover the tapes in Lilly's air vent and watch them, they see Lilly and Aaron Echolls - Logan's dad! - having sex in the pool house, and Veronica quickly susses out the dirty deets: Lilly found Aaron's cameras and stole the tapes, and Aaron killed her when she refused to give them back. Duncan was the first to find the body, and the shock sent him into an epileptic seizure. When his parents discovered them, they assumed Duncan had killed his sister by accident and used all their resources to cover it up.

Veronica calls Logan to tell him the news - but he's too busy being attacked by a vengeful Weevil and his PCHers to pick up the phone.

Veronica drives off with the tapes - unfortunately, Aaron's hiding in the backseat. World's Best Dad Keith arrives just in time to save her from being immolated in a fridge (don't ask) and literally walks through fire to save Veronica's life while Aaron does the world a favour by getting hit by a truck.

So where does that leave us? Well:

• Jake Kane is arrested for tampering with evidence and obstructing justice. I gotta admit, though, I feel for this guy. He truly thought that everything he'd done had been to protect his only surviving child. However, thanks to him, his son was mentally scarred, an innocent man almost died in prison, and the man who actually murdered his daughter walked around scott-free for more than a year. 
• Leanne Mars is in the wind, and good riddance. Veronica found out her mom ditched the rehab program Veronica's college fund had paid for and is still drinking Everclear disguised as Evian. Our girl V has to come to terms with the fact that her dream of returning her family back to the Way They Were is impossible. Mama Mars is given the boot - but not before she steals Keith's $50,000 cheque!
• Alicia Fennel and Keith reunite at the end of the episode as she waits by his hospital bed. 
• We last see a bereft and inebriated Logan facing down an angry gang of PCHers on the same bridge where his mother took a swan dive. 

Awesome Things:

• Veronica is a 100% certified grade-A Mars descendent, thanks to Keith's paternity test. Congratulations! You didn't perform incest! 
• Keith Mars, Greatest American Herooooooo......

Less Awesome Things:

• "My dad took a paternity test, I'm not your sister" - and the award for the World's Worst Pick-Up Line goes to...
• Logan's betrayed expression when he learns Veronica turned him in to the cops. Logan! My feels! 
• Aaron Echolls' skeezy face on Lilly's sex tapes. *shudders*

"The Universe Versus Alex Woods," by Gavin Extence (Red Hook, 2013)

The Protagonist: Alex Woods. A pretty ordinary young man, all things considered - apart from his epilepsy and the scar he has from being struck by a meteor.
His Angst: An avid scientist with a coolly logical method of analysing situations, he has to come to terms with the fact that with humanity, sometimes there is no correct answer.

Secondary Cast:

Ellie: A foul-mouthed punk teenager who helps out at Alex's mum's shop.

Dr. Weir: An astrophysicist who arrives to study the meteor that struck Alex, she and Alex develop a strong friendship and she serves as his scientific mentor.

Dr. Engleby: Alex's neurologist, and a godless Buddhist who believes in meditation. Another character who helps develop Alex's scientific curiosity.

Mr. Peterson: A tough old coot who befriends Alex and introduces him to the works of Kurt Vonnegut.

Angst Checklist:

• Dealing with epilepsy
• I've just discovered I'm an atheist but my mother thinks she's psychic
• Being Different versus Fitting In
• Unorthodox Parenting
• The value of scientific reasoning
• Ladies Don't Like It When You Use the C-Word
• Assisted Suicide
• Diet Coke versus Weed

The Word:  Our story starts at the end - when 17-year-old Alex Woods is pulled over by the cops at the border to Dover. He's caught with a buttload of weed and an urn full of cremated human remains - and that's not even what the cops are really angry at him for.

To explain how he got to this point, however, Alex takes us back to when he was ten years old and miraculously survived being struck on the head with a meteor. Over the next seven years of his life, he struggles with epilepsy, develops scientific reasoning, rejects organized religion, discovers the works of Kurt Vonnegut, and befriends a cantankerous war vet named Mr. Peterson.

The Universe Versus Alex Woods is a marvellously pleasant book - Extence writes with an arch sense of humour not unlike J.K. Rowling's as Alex observes the foibles of his schoolyard bullies, his clairvoyant mother, and his other friends and neighbours from his curiously detached perspective. The supporting characters are all very colourful and well-developed, particularly Mr. Peterson, with whom Alex develops a unique friendship.

That being said, while Universe is pleasant, it's not precisely memorable. The novel doesn't really have a plot beyond the vaguely interesting and somewhat-connected events that take place over seven years that gradually lead up to the Actual Event that lands Alex in so much trouble. Sure, Alex is an epileptic and he got conked on the head by a meteor, but most of his life is pretty ordinary. While his scientific pursuit of the meaning of life may very well resonate with many readers, I kind of wish the narrative had been more focused around a particular goal. Instead, Stuff Kinda Happens, Mostly By Accident, while Alex observes, analyses, and eventually deals with it. It's not terrible, but it's not terribly profound or interesting, either.

The novel does have its funny moments, mainly at Alex's expense. Alex is a supremely logical character - fascinated and motivated by scientific theory and reasoning, he's perpetually surprised when the world around him (more specifically, the people in it), refuses to adhere to the same sort of predictable, rational order. As his friendship with Mr. Peterson demonstrates, no matter how old you are or how much experience you have, the universe can still surprise you.

The Universe Versus Alex Woods is a gentle coming-of-age tale with a decidedly scientific bent, and a solid read, even if the plotting could have been stronger.
B

Veronica Mars 1x21: "A Trip To the Dentist"

The Mystery: Who drugged and raped Veronica on the night of Shelley Pomroy's party?

This episode really oughtta come with a trigger warning. One of the darkest episodes in the entire season, Veronica finally tackles the awful mystery of who drugged and raped her a year and a half ago.  In the last episode, Veronica found out Tad Wilson dosed his girlfriend Carmen at the same party, and that he got his GHB from Logan.

She confronts Logan about it - Logan's horrified, but Veronica's unwilling to listen to his excuses. Whether he's guilty or innocent, Veronica will find out who raped her and make him pay.

The rest of the episode sort of plays out as a bit of a season-long recap. Many of the suspects and witnesses are characters Veronica helped out/picked on in previous episodes - Luke from "You Think You Know Somebody," Casey from "Drinking the Kool-Aid," Sean from "An Echolls Family Christmas," Madison from "Silence of the Lamb" and Carrie from "Mars vs. Mars."

This episode is already a fascinating, Rashomon-esque look into how different people will see the same incident differently. However, as a person who's now lived through the scandal of Steubenville (among others), this episode takes on an even more horrifying cast to me. Veronica was drugged and helpless at a party attended by hundreds of teenagers, and only two people (Duncan and Meg) even thought of intervening in what was being done to her. And far too many characters thought Veronica brought it on herself for being such a drunk slut.

The one good thing to come out of this episode - Veronica finally lets Wallace in and tells him the truth about her life. The whole truth - her experience at Shelley's party, her time as an outcast, her Lilly Kane Case Files, everything. She's spent the whole season taking favours from Wallace, favours Wallace was more than willing to give because he cared about her, and watching Veronica start to give (and care) back was a huge step forward for her character.

In less-excellent news, Keith tracks Duncan and his Stupid Face to Cuba and returns him to the bosom of his family. Unfortunately, Celeste is The Worst Person and refuses to pay him the $50,000 reward - claiming she'd already paid the Marses by dropping the charges against Weevil back in "Hot Dogs." But Keith's been a busy little balding bee - he's also tracked down the call girl who was with Abel Koontz when Lilly was actually murdered, and now he's got proof the Kanes fabricated Abel's guilt. Take that, Celeste!

Whodunnit: Nobody - and everybody. The fascinating thing about this episode is that no single person was responsible for Veronica's awful, unremembered night. Dick put GHB in Madison's drink. An unknowing Madison spat in it and gave it to Veronica. Dick and Sean poured liquor down a helpless Veronica's throat and had people do body shots off her. Dick carried Veronica to the guest room, and his brother Beaver abandoned her there alone. Logan laced Duncan's drink with GHB, and then Duncan and Veronica had mutually-inebriated sex with each other.

And that's not even counting the dozens of classmates who saw what was happening to Veronica and did nothing.

Veronica makes her peace with the incident, and reconciles with Logan. They traipse off to his mansion for some Angsty Make-Out Sessions, but they're caught by Aaron Echolls, who invited half the student body of Neptune High for a "Sorry I'm a Shitty Father" Unbirthday party for Logan (I'm not even kidding). Logan and Veronica are royally busted, but Logan takes it like a champ - he finally tells off Dick for being, well, himself, and warns the rest of Neptune High to think twice about messin' with his girlfriend. Everyone takes the news fairly well - except for Duncan and His Stupid Face, who has a rage-seizure and attacks his SUV with a shovel. Because Duncan.

Veronica and Logan sneak off for more private snuggles in Logan's pool house - until Veronica discovers the pool house is riddled with spy cameras and recording equipment. A horrified Veronica flees back to her house - only to discover her mother, Leanne, has returned from rehab. Surprise!

Awesome Things:

• Mama Mars is home!
• That momentary, brilliant expression of surprise and relief on Veronica's face when she discovers Logan's innocent. Kristen Bell is such a phenomenal actor.
• Veronica finally confides in Wallace, and their friendship is saved! 
• Weevil is a total chivalrous badass in this episode - including showing up on a hog to rescue Veronica at a moment's notice. 

Less-Awesome Things:

• Celeste refusing to pay Keith the $50,000 reward because she's a Horrid Cheap Bitch. 
• Dick Casablancas. He's the only one in the dentist scenario who set out to rape a person (his girlfriend Madison), as well the one who forcefed Veronica shots in order to "prepare" her for his younger, bullied brother Beaver. While he never actually raped anyone, he seems to be the primary contributor to Veronica's suffering.
• Duncan and his Stupid Face - with with bonus Stupid Beard. Am I supposed to find it romantic he slept with Veronica and then fled without telling her because he knew she was his sister and slept with her anyway? Really, Duncan? 
• Aaron Echolls doesn't even know his own son's birthday. 
• Logan's "You're On Candid Camera" love nest. 

Lilly Kane Case Files:

• According to Weevil, Logan may have "laid a hand" on Lilly during their relationship. True story or biased conjecture?
• Lilly had a habit of hiding contraband in her bedroom's air vent. 
• Abel Koontz was actually with a call girl named Cheyenne at the time of Lilly's murder.

Veronica Mars 1x20: "M.A.D."

The Mystery: How can Veronica keep a vengeful Oh Niner from posting revenge porn of his ex-girlfriend?

Carmen Rulz and Tad Wilson seem like the perfect high school couple - until Carmen wants to call it off. Tad, not willing to be "just friends," reveals he took a phone-video of a drunk Carmen doing unspeakable things to a popsicle at a party a year and a half ago, and he'll post it if she breaks up with him.

A tearful Carmen seeks out Veronica for help. Carmen doesn't even remember that party or doing those things, but she'll be ruined if that video goes public. At first, Veronica tries stealing Tad's phone - but he's saved the video to his computer. Carmen goes back to Tad, but it's not the same - her eyes have finally been opened to what a controlling, homophobic dickwad he is, and she hates being associated with the same guy who regularly bullies Seth Rafter, an openly gay classmate.

So it looks like Veronica might have to get a little more creative.

Meanwhile, Veronica and Logan are getting hot and heavy, while still trying to keep their relationship a secret (especially from Logan's asshole friends Dick and Beaver Casablancas). However, Logan is an unexpectedly romantic boyfriend, and asks Veronica out on a date on his father's boat.

Keith Mars and Alicia Fennel's relationship is also heating up - to Veronica's dismay, especially when she finds out her father's trying to start divorce proceedings against her mother, whom he doesn't know is still in rehab. Veronica decides not to tell him - because after a year, he deserves to be happy. Over at Kane Software, Clarence Wiedman doesn't share that sentiment when he calls Alicia Fennel into his office and tells her her job will be in jeopardy if she continues to date Keith Mars - especially since her son apparently helped the Marses bug Wiedman's office. Awkward.

Whodunnit: Veronica has Carmen take Tad on a special date on the boardwalk, where she asks Tad to try and score some Ecstasy from Seth, while Veronica takes pictures. That evening, Carmen (on a bugged phone) has a sexy chat with Tad about their upcoming "experimentation."

After several hours of photoshopping, some willing participation from Seth, and a custom website design from Mac, Veronica's created a multimedia presentation about Tad's Secret Gay Relationship, complete with damning photos, goopy love songs, and a tampered phone call that sounds like Tad would rather "experiment" with Seth. Veronica offers Tad a deal - if he keeps his underage amateur pornography to himself, so will Veronica. Mutually assured destruction.

However, even Veronica underestimates Tad's sexist, controlling douchebaggery when he releases his video anyway. Carmen is humiliated - but she decides not to send out the website link. Despite her mortification, she's glad to be free of Tad, and ruining him wouldn't make her feel any better.

Thankfully, Weevil and his PCHers don't have the same upstanding moral character, and they definitely don't like the idea of a rich white boy taking advantage of a drunk Latina from their side of town - so the next day finds Tad stripped and duct-taped to the flagpole.

Veronica offers to cut him down - for some answers. Putting two and two together with the evidence on Tad's video, she figured out that both she and Carmen were roofie'd on the night of Shelley Pomroy's party a year and a half ago. She'll cut down Tad, if Tad will tell her where he got the roofies that night. Tad replies that Logan gave him the GHB. A mortified Veronica leaves him high and dry - while Logan sits on his dad's boat, wondering why Veronica hasn't shown up yet.

Dun dun dunnnnn......

Awesome Things:

• Veronica-Logan Make-Out Sessions in her Special Bathroom
• Veronica making the mature decision regarding Keith's decision to serve papers
• Mac being awesome at computers, as always
• The casual brilliance of Veronica's revenge
• The thuggish effectiveness of Weevil's revenge
• Aaron Echolls is ... surprisingly decent this episode. Almost makes you forget he regularly beats Logan with a belt, drove his wife to suicide, and beat his daughter's boyfriend to within an inch of his life. OH WAIT NO IT DOESN'T. 

Less-Awesome Things:

• Tad released the video anyway. Poor Carmen.
• GHB. Boo! Logan's GHB? DOUBLE BOO! 

Lily Kane Case Files:

• Nothing of note in this episode.

Veronica Mars 1x19: "Hot Dogs"

The Mystery: Who stole Mandy's dog?

Okay, so the mystery in this episode is pretty lightweight - Veronica's shy, awkward classmate Mandy is babysitting at an Oh-Niner house when her dog Chester is stolen from the front yard. After hours of the girls fruitlessly searching and printing posters, the case seems closed, albeit tragically, when a pound employee name Hans informs Mandy her dog was killed. However, Veronica notices the Neptune billboards are suddenly plastered with missing-dog posters, and she wonders if Mandy's case was an isolated incident or part of a bigger scheme.

But um, that kind of takes a backseat to the fact that Weevil got caught breaking into Lilly's bedroom, Duncan's still missing, and Logan's sister Trish is acting weird

Let's start this in order - now that he's eighteen, Weevil's facing serious jail time for his break in, even though he didn't actually steal anything (Stripper-Cop Leo found nothing but a few condoms and a pen on him). Weevil reveals he'd given Lilly his mother's ring back when he thought they were getting serious (awww....) and he was trying to steal it back, but Veronica's not entirely convinced.

Meanwhile, Duncan and His Stupid Face are MIA, and Celeste confronts Veronica in her father's office, convinced Veronica's to blame for Duncan's disappearance and knows where he is. She insists she doesn't hate Veronica, but our girl V is just such a constant reminder of what a cheating dick her husband is. Keith overhears this part of the argument and Celeste reverts to being a Horrible Person when she calls him on being such a good detective and yet not knowing his wife was an adulterous tramp.

Still, Celeste's accusations aren't entirely baseless. Veronica did accuse Duncan of killing Lilly and she did bait him into fleeing by making sure he overheard a conversation about all the ways Keith's wealthy targets try to disappear. So she offers Celeste a deal - she'll give her tips on how to find Duncan if Celeste will drop the charges against Weevil.

In the Echolls household, Lynn Echolls' lawyer reads out her will - Aaron and Trish get nothing, obvs, while Logan gets the bulk of her $150,000 savings. Almost immediately, Trish hits Logan up for ten grand - she apparently borrowed some cash from her producer boyfriend Dylan, and is having trouble paying it back. Dylan must be leaning on her pretty hard, since she's also pressuring their father Aaron into starring in her BF's indie film.

Both Logan and Aaron refuse - but later that night, Logan spots Trish limping home with a mysteriously-obtained black eye. Logan taps Veronica to find out the deets on this Dylan jerk off, but before they can take action, Aaron comes to his own conclusions and invites the lad over for dinner. First on the menu? A hefty serving of Righteous Ass-Kicking. Logan and Veronica arrive just in time to catch him wailing on Dylan with a belt.

While Logan's escorting Veronica home, he reveals he found out about Lilly and Weevil, but instead of feeling angry, he's relieved, because now he can feel less guilty about his feelings for Veronica. Both L and V are a bit unnerved by their sudden attraction, and agree to keep it on the downlow while they explore their feelings.

Whodunnit: Veronica's classmate Hans, who works at the pound, was running a dognapping scheme - snatching dogs from wealthy neighbourhoods and returning them for the reward money. Dogs whose owners couldn't afford high rewards were sold off and their owners told their pets were dead. Mandy, in a newfound spurt of self-confidence, goes after Hans with a taser (!) to find out where Chester is.

All seems right with the world - until Veronica remembers that Lilly owned a bright pink spy-pen that she used to hide secret messages from her various boyfriends. A bright pink spy-pen that Weevil returns to her, empty, once the charges against him are dropped. Weevil was never suspected of Lilly's murder because he had an airtight alibi - but not for Lilly's real time of death.

Awesome Things:

• The Definition of Big Pimpin': being so awesomely attractive that your Heartbroken Stripper-Cop Ex-Boyfriend will help you bust a dognapping ring right after you break up with him because you made out with another guy. 
• Verogan. LoVe. Whichever you call it, the Logan-Veronica ship is sailing full-steam ahead! Hooray!
• No Duncan and His Stupid Face to ruin things. 

Less-Awesome Things:

• Celeste. Ugh.
• Mixed feelings over Aaron Echolls. The weird thing is, without the context of previous episodes, Aaron is pretty fucking awesome in this episode. He sounds so sincere in his desire to retire from acting and spend more time with his family, he spends the whole episode thinking of others, and you learn more about his abusive childhood. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a huge amount of satisfaction watching him take Trish's battering boyfriend to PainTown. And yet - previous episodes make it pretty clear that Aaron is just as abusive as his father was, not to mention superficial, adulterous, and just insane enough to believe his own bullshit. His takedown of Trish's boyfriend is eery and unsettling because the scene is framed as a self-righteous act when  he really has no reason to be portrayed that way. 
• Keith figuring out Veronica might not be his, and mailing away for a paternity test. Keith, noooo....

The Lilly Kane Case Files

• Lilly used a cheesy pink spypen to smuggle messages from her various boyfriends. What message could have been important enough for Weevil to risk jail time to make it disappear? 
• If Weevil killed Lilly, why would the Kanes try to cover it up? 

Veronica Mars 1x18: "Weapons of Class Destruction"

The Mystery: Who's making bomb threats against Neptune High?
Veronica and Wallace are forced into an awkward position when they discover their respective single parents are dating. This awkwardness evolves into a full-fledged fight when Veronica casually remarks that their relationship can't last long since her mother's due out of rehab in a matter of weeks.

Smooth, Veronica - biting the hand that steals other students' files for you.

Meanwhile, when Veronica uncovers the school's sudden increase in "fire drills" is due to a rash of bomb threats that have been made against the school, she writes an article about it for the student paper. Veronica's story causes widespread panic, and to make up for her mess, she decides to try and find out who's making the threats.

Most people seem to suspect Norris Clayton, a reformed bully and loner. However, Veronica is more suspicious of his new friend Ben. Veronica doesn't have much time to think on it - she's found advertisements all over the school for a website called KillEmAll.Net - a website that does nothing but display a sinister countdown. But a countdown to what?

Veronica decides to tail Ben, and follows him to a store where she witnesses him buying pounds of fertilizer and a high-powered rifle. A phone call from Logan distracts her and before she knows it, Ben climbs into her car and demands she drive to the Camelot Motel. Ben's about to drag her into his room when BAM! Logan jumps out of freakin' nowhere and goes all white knight on Ben's rapey ass!

Only Ben's not a bomber or a student - he's an undercover ATF agent. The ATF has traced the bomb threats and the KillEmAll website to Norris' IP address, but they need physical evidence of an actual bomb before they can charge him, and if the KillEmAll Countdown is anything to go by, time is running out. Ben needs Veronica's help - Norris has had a crush on her for years, and she can use that to access his house and find actual evidence of bomb-making.

Veronica accepts the mission - reluctantly. When she leaves the motel room, she reunites with Logan, the former jackass who raced across town to rescue her. Impulsively, she kisses him. Before she can walk away, Logan pulls her back and into THE MOST EPIC AND UNEXPECTED MAKEOUT SESSION EVER. Seriously.

Seriously. It is glorious. Especially when they break apart with matching "What the fuck did we just do?" expressions.

Veronica goes on to try and seduce Norris the Unexpectedly Adorable Bomber, but finds nothing. However, the next day Norris is arrested by the ATF and a hundred pounds of fertilizer is found in his car.

Whodunnit: Well, Ben from 21 Jerkoff Street planted the fertilizer in Norris' car when he got tired of waiting for actual evidence - but the charges against Norris are dropped after our heroine publishes her photos of Ben buying that same fertilizer from the store the day before.

No, the actual culprit is Pete Comiskey, a quiet computer nerd who was brutally victimized by Norris back in junior high. He used Norris' unprotected WiFi to send the threats and create the website, knowing they would be traced back to Norris' house. There never was a bomb - only a very angry geek out for vengeance.

Meanwhile, Duncan's been acting cold and rude to Veronica all of a sudden. Logan told him about her Lilly Kane case files, and finally he confronts her on it. It's clear he's furious and hurt and has no idea what happened to Lilly. But he's also terrified Veronica's suspicions might be true: that he killed Lilly by accident during an epileptic episode, blacked out, and his parents covered it up. After all, he has no memory of the three days surrounding Lilly's death. When Veronica doesn't back down or recant her suspicions, Duncan flees - and later goes missing.

Awesome Things:

• Stripper-Cop Leo saying he'd like to get a good long look at Veronica's bedroom ceiling. Damn, boy. *fans self*
• The Adorable Suspected Bomber is seriously Adorable. And not a bomber! He just really likes ninja stars!
• Familiar faces: both Jonathan Taylor Thomas and True Blood's Reverend Newlin make appearances!
• THE KISS. Nobody saw it coming - at least nobody I was watching this with for the first time. I mean, the clues are all there during the re-watch, but I really enjoyed how the showrunners subtly led up to Logan and Veronica's attraction while still surprising us.
• Ah, the halcyon days of Ye Olde 2004 - when WiFi was still a "newfangled" invention that people weren't password-protecting yet! 
• Geena Stafford - this random tertiary character gets an itty bitty mini arc this episode. The perky, peppy substitute Journalism teacher, she gets reprimanded by Van Clemmons when Veronica's bomb threat story goes public. When Veronica finds proof of Norris' innocence, Geena decides to ignore Van Clemmons' advice and run the story - as a result, Norris is cleared of all charges but she gets fired. But she walks out with a smile on her face. 

Less Awesome Things:

• JTT's awful grunge-mullet. 
• Veronica and Wallace fighting. 
• Duncan. Just - okay, I feel for his character in theory. He's just starting to realize he may have killed his own sister and that his parents sent an innocent man to the electric chair in his place. BUT, I'm sorry, the actor playing Duncan is just such a dull clod of play-doh that it's hard to take him seriously in practice. 

The Lilly Kane Case File:

• Veronica doesn't know if Duncan's aware that he killed Lilly, so she baits him by telling Meg (in front of Duncan) about a wealthy client of her father's who tried to disappear, and all the possible ways he could have done it. That same episode, Duncan goes missing - likely using the very methods Veronica enumerated in front of Meg. 

Veronica Mars 1x17: "Kane and Abel's"

The Mystery: Who is sabotaging Sabrina Fuller's performance on her finals?

It's Exam Week at Neptune High, and everyone's pretty stressed out - particularly Veronica, although not about her grades. No, she's worried for Amelia Delongpre, the estranged daughter of Abel Koontz. Through some fancy-shmancy detective work last episode, she just managed to find Amelia before Clarence Wiedman did.

You see, Amelia's about to receive upwards of three million dollars' worth of Kane Software stock - she thinks it's thanks to a trust, but in reality it's a payoff from the Kane family in return for Abel Koontz taking the fall for Lilly Kane's murder. Veronica tells her the truth about her father's innocence and stashes her in a cheap motel to hide out until Amelia's mom can mail her the trust paperwork proving the Kanes are behind her mysterious windfall. Amelia is still in danger - her receipt of the money makes her as much of a liability to the Kanes as a smoking gun - and Veronica doesn't want to think about what might happen if Clarence finds her.

Of course, Veronica neglects to tell Amelia about her father's terminal illness, thinking Amelia might not be so willing to part with millions in return for only a few months of her father's life.

Unfortunately, even dirtbag motels cost money and Veronica is broke after using her college fund to pay for her mother's rehab. A solution comes in the form of Sabrina Fuller, the current senior valedictorian and daughter of the president of the school board. Someone has been harassing her - letting the air out of her tires, publicizing her face and phone number on a sex line ad, setting off car alarms outside her window in the middle of the night - and the stress is starting to tell on her grades. She promises Veronica $500 if she can figure out who's trying to drive her insane and why.

A possible motive comes to mind when Veronica, as one of Neptune High's academically-brightest students, is invited to a dinner at the Kane mansion to celebrate the inaugural year of the Lilly Kane Memorial Scholarship. The full-ride scholarship to the university of the winner's choosing will be bestowed on whomever wins class valedictorian. When a sleep-deprived Sabrina bombs on her biology final, she drops into second place behind Hamilton Cho, a struggling lower-class senior who managed a flawless GPA without fancy tutors while working 20 hours a week in his father's pizza place. He's just been accepted to Oxford - but without that scholarship, there's no way he can afford it.

Veronica, using her Super Awesome Skills, tracks the clues to Vinnie Van Lowe's door. Vinnie is Neptune's other private detective, who, unlike Keith, is cheerfully willing to break the law - provided his clients pay him enough. And someone has apparently hired him to make sure Sabrina's too distracted, terrified, exhausted, and angry to maintain her GPA.

Whodunnit: Jimmy Cho, Hamilton's dad, was the ultimate culprit. Consumed with bitterness over what he felt were Sabrina's unfair financial advantages (not to mention the fact that Sabrina's family can already afford to send her wherever she wants), he hired Vinnie Van Lowe to terrorize her during exam week - but Hamilton had nothing to do with it. While Jake Kane graciously offers to split the scholarship between both students, the outraged Fullers threaten to press charges unless Hamilton drops out of the contest. Hamilton does, because he loves his dad - and also because he knows he'll work just as hard to succeed at whichever college he winds up at.

And if you think that ending's a downer, just wait. Despite Veronica's best efforts, Clarence Wiedman catches up with Amelia Dulongpre and makes her (and all her evidence) disappear - but not in the way you think. All he had to do was reveal the facts Veronica had intentionally kept from her: that her father was literally dying to provide her with a fortune. Amelia is gone - not to mention several million dollars richer - and the Mars family is back at square one.

Nothing else of note happened this episode - nothing except Logan finding out about Veronica's Lilly Kane file. When a distracted Veronica leaves her laptop open in her dad's office, Logan drops by and discovers the files she's been keeping on everyone - Celeste, Jake, Duncan, and himself. Very fortunately for our heroine, the former psychotic jackass of Neptune High now has firsthand experience of Veronica's expertise and actually takes her seriously. He also reveals how he once walked in on Duncan strangling his father during one of his epileptic episodes.

The plot thickens when Keith remembers catching the Kanes washing out Duncan's soccer uniform on the night of Lilly's murder despite having 2 full-time housekeepers. It seems increasingly likely that Duncan might have killed Lilly - without even realizing it.

Awesome Things:

• Logan finding out Veronica Mars' secret case files! 
• The introduction of Vinnie Van Lowe, the Best Worst Detective there is. Ken Marino, let me love you!
• Of course Veronica's the highest academic achiever in her class. 
• Veronica is apparently fluent in Italian as well as Spanish! 
• Veronica tearing up Logan's cheque after they share a Moment - and then instantly regretting it because she is broke as shit. 
• For all his faults, Clarence knows how to flaunt a stylish cap.

Less-Awesome Things:

• The ending is a huge downer for pretty much everyone. The lower-class honour roll student loses his only chance at the scholarship thanks to his dad's mistakes, while the rich student who can afford any college she wants get valedictorian. On the other hand, she was studying just as hard as Hamilton and didn't deserve to be harassed just because she happened to be rich. 
• And oh yeah, Abel Koontz' daughter skiddaddled with the payoff money!

The Lilly Kane Case Files

• We now know beyond a doubt that the Kanes got Abel Koontz to confess to murder in return for  securing his daughter's financial future. 
• Clarence Wiedman tampered with Lilly's body temperature to confuse her true time of death.
• When called to Lilly Kane's crime scene, Keith walked in on the Kanes washing out Duncan's soccer uniform.