In case you haven't heard, Katiebabs from Babbling About Books, and More! is hosting a Demon Sheep contest. Yes! You can win your very own Demon Sheep (and quite possibly a less-demonic book with it), just by going to the site and posting your own, 1-paragraph (100 words) story/description/dirtywhorishslashfiction about a demon sheep.
Sadly, as adorable as those sheep are, I can't enter.
Not because I'm a judge. But because I am being viciously coerced into hosting one of the judges in my home. See, here in Canada, we don't have Demon Sheep. We have Demon Bears - evil evil evil (yet deceptively polite and helpful) Demon Bears. Their Queen, Blackbeary the Ice-Hearted, Stealer of Souls and Irritant to Small Children, has been selected (read: threatened Katiebabs with copious amounts of Celine Dion songs) to help judge Katiebabs' contest. And the Demon Bear Council of Evil has decreed that I am to host their Queen and Ambassador in my home until such time as she's finished helping to judge the entries.
Things don't go well for those who refuse the Demon Bear Council of Evil. I am also required by Her Fluffy Majesty to provide more detailed information about our feared and revered Demon Bear Queen.
Blackbeary the Sable-Furred Dispenser of Biased Justice loves to look out upon the pine trees and snow of her blustery winter kingdom. Everything the light touches belongs to her - and also all the darkness touches too, she's not a wuss like that Mufasa dude.
True, she is not the largest of bears, nor even the largest of Demon Bears, but what she lacks in size she makes up for in EEEEEEEEVIL.
Of course, part of what attracted her to Katiebabs and her contest, apart from her fondness for Demon Sheep, is the love of romance novels - her one obsession. She loves to read romance novels - yes, even hard-working Blackbeary, Ursa Regina, needs some R&R now and again, preferably with lusty dukes and downtrodden, yet persevering red-headed heroines.
Truth be told, reading romances makes her a better Queen to her Demonically Ursine subjects.
"There truly is no better way to instil confusion and hatred - both easily manipulatable emotions - in my terrified peasants than with a Big Misunderstanding! All I have to do is imply that one peasant, who's attached to another peasant, is actually having an affair with an obviously slutty and bitchy other peasant - and they'll all be distracted for days as I carry out my eeeeeevil plans!"
That being said, there is a small, tiny, swansdown corner of her heart that also likes the love aspect of romance novels.
"Oh, you foolish chaste Green Knight! Why do you love that obviously manipulative, cold-hearted but secretly vulnerable Princess when you could fall in love with me, an obviously manipulative, cold-hearted but secretly vulnerable Demon Bear QUEEN!"
So go on and check out Katiebabs' contest, and Queen Blackbeary will read them all and help judge the winner.
Please check it out.
Or else she might stay in my house forever.
She eats all my blueberry-flax cookies!
Plus, did I forget to mention, she's EEEEEEVIL?