Showing posts with label laura kinsale. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laura kinsale. Show all posts

Sunday, September 14, 2014

"Midsummer Moon," by Laura Kinsale

The Chick: Merlin Lambourne. A famous lady inventor.
The Rub: She's dumb as a post at anything that isn't mechanics. How will she cope?
Dream Casting: Alison Brie.

The Dude: Ransom Falconer, Duke of Damerell. A high-handed duke who must protect Merlin from evil French spies who want to kidnap her for her inventions.
The Rub: Unfortunately, after "accidentally" having sex with her, protecting her becomes a whole lot more complicated.
Dream Casting: Cillian Murphy.

The Plot:
Ransom: Hey, I'm here to save and protect you!

Merlin: What are you wearing?

Ransom: ... a hat.

Merlin: Mercy me, a hat! How exciting! I've never seen a hat before, what is it for?

Ransom: Huh. I somehow find your utter ignorance of everything somewhat arousing! *accidentally eats Magical Salt* Now it's completely arousing!

Ransom and Merlin: *knock boots*

Ransom: Crap. Now we have to get married!

Merlin: Why?

Ransom: Well, you might be pregnant.

Merlin: Doesn't the stork bring babies?

Ransom: Wow I am already regretting this a LOT. And yet your baby behaviour is so inexplicably erotic!

Merlin: I don't want to get married! I don't want to make babies! I want to stay up all night and eat candy and play with my toys--I MEAN INVENT MY FLYING MACHINE.

Ransom: No! Bad Merlin! GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW!

Literally Every Other Character: Hey there, we're totally interesting and have really intriguing backstories but go ahead and focus the story around the Teletubby and her babysitter. We'll wait.

Evil French Spies: *kidnap Merlin a lot*

Ransom: *rescues Merlin a lot*

Merlin: *falls into a coma, wakes up with amnesia*

Literally Every Other Character: ... really? You'd rather read about AMNESIA than us? When we have secret lovers and acrimonious divorces in our pasts? Oh well. There's no accounting for taste.

Ransom: *recuses Merlin again*

Merlin: Okay I'll marry you now! How do we petition to stork to bring us babies?

Ransom: ....hoo....ray....

Romance Convention Checklist:
  • 1 Romance-Aiding Pet (a hedgehog)
  • 1 Condiment-Induced Deflowering
  • 1 Infantalized Heroine
  • 2 Flying Machines
  • Several Barrels of Gun Powder
  • 1 Bout of Fountain Sex
  • 5 Infinitely More Interesting Supporting Characters
  • Several Evil French Spies
The Word: I will hand it to Laura Kinsale - her heroines are a varied bunch. Some are practical, some are romantic, some are stone-cold bad-asses, and others are emotional and compassionate. Unfortunately, with Midsummer Moon, I spun the Kinsale Heroine Wheel and wound up with Helpless Baby Duckling Woman.

Our heroine, Merlin, is a wide-eyed, chipmunk-cheeked, oblivious dithering idiot of a woman who is (allegedly) a genius at physical engineering and a sleep-deprived six-year-old at literally everything else. Perhaps the author intended her to be an Absent-Minded Professor, but she wound up closer to Nell, instead. And of course, the novel presents her as the Cutest Widdle Special Snowflake, rather than a woman with severely stunted social, interpersonal, and self-preservation skills thanks to an abusively isolated upbringing that is only barely hinted at.

Our hero Ransom Falconer, named in the ancient English tradition of picking two random words out of the dictionary, is a duke/government agent who has been sent to protect Merlin because one of her inventions has attracted the notice of Evil French Spies. His task is to figure out what Merlin's trying to invent, and protect both it and her from falling into Evil French hands.

Ransom makes his own task (among other things) much harder when he accidentally ingests Magical Sex Salt and winds up despoiling Merlin (twice!) on her dead uncle's bed not five minutes later. This contrived coitus-causing condiment is never explained nor mentioned again. But that makes sense - why write Ransom as an Irresponsible Rake when you can just give him a magical potion that makes him one for three pages? Then he can go back to being your Man of Honour Hero without taking any pesky responsibility for his actions. The magical salt made him do it. Right.

Adding a crank of Creepy Pepper to this Gumbo of Stupid is the fact that Merlin clearly has no idea what's going on while it's happening, giving us a scene that reads pretty darn close to statutory rape.

See, this is why you don't have sex with children. If your partner is incapable of understanding what sex and its consequences are, you're doing it wrong. And if you write a heroine who talks like a baby, thinks like a baby, and fiddles with her lower lip like a baby, it's going to look really creepy when your hero fucks that baby.

Anyway, Ransom recovers from his, uh, sodium-induced boner to realize he's been an Exploitative Dick, so he decides to kidnap Merlin so she can continue to work on her inventions under his supervision and protection.

The novel picks up a bit at this point, because Ransom's family members are also in residence, and each one of them is about a billion times more nuanced, colourful, and interesting than our main pair. How could Laura Kinsale write women as complicated and interesting as Ransom's politically-minded sister Blythe, or his dramatic opera-singer ex-sister-in-law Jacqueline, and decide to make Professor Honey Boo Boo the heroine instead?

Yeah, I absolutely despised Merlin. While she's not quite as unbearable as Olympia from Seize the Fireat least that book acknowledged Olympia was an idiot once in a while, whereas Merlin's utter incomprehension of language, social conventions, adult behaviour, and advanced reasoning is depicted as Just So Precious by everyone in the novel. Merlin acts like a child - and the other characters coddle and treat her like one, which makes her burgeoning relationship with Ransom come off like Regency Lolita.

The secondary characters are pretty much the only reason I didn't DNF the novel. The main conflict between Ransom and Merlin is that Merlin's determined to build a flying machine, which scares the utter bejesus out of Ransom because he's so terrified of heights he's never even visited the second floor of his own house. Merlin tries to work on her machine, Ransom tries to talk/force/trick her out of it, Merlin gets angry, Ransom whines and apologizes, then tries a dirtier trick - until Merlin winds up kidnapped and has to be rescued. She gets kidnapped (and subsequently rescued) a lot. Because she's about as sharp as a bowling ball.

Their relationship is founded on Ransom constantly saving or easily tricking Merlin away from the danger she constantly puts herself in, and that is the last kind of romance I care to read about. I grew out of the Babysitters' Club books when I was in elementary school.
C-

Sunday, July 28, 2013

"The Hidden Heart," by Laura Kinsale (HarperCollins, 1986)

The Chick: Lady Tess Collier. Just returned from South America, she's determined to follow her dying father's wish and marry well.
The Rub: Unfortunately, she's fallen in love with a poor ship's captain named Gryphon Frost.
Dream Casting: Michelle Dockery.

The Dude: Gryphon Arthur Meridon, Sixth Marquess of Ashland, a.k.a. "Gryphon Frost." A penniless adventurer, he's tasked with helping Lady Tess find a suitable husband.
The Rub: Gryphon wants Tess for himself, but after losing love too many times, is his heart willing to take the risk again?
Dream Casting: Chris Hemsworth.

The Plot:

Tess: Hello! I'm an aristocrat raised in the wilds of the jungle!

Gryphon: Hello! I'm a secret aristocrat who's become a penniless sea captain when my family was murdered by pirates!

Tess: Awesome! I love you!

Gryphon: Sweet! I love you too---

Random Pregnant Villainess: I'M CARRYING YOUR BEHBEH.

Tess: GTFO.

Gryphon: :(

Six Months Later

Tess: Welp, I married an Obvious Abusive Pedophile instead. Looks like I learned my lesson! Make-up sex?

Gryphon: NO.

Tess: How about make-up sex on A DESERTED ISLAND?

Gryphon: .....okay.

Tess: That was awesome! I can't wait to start our happily ev---

Gryphon: Oh look at the time, it's I Never Really Loved You O'Clock!

Tess: Are you fucking kidding me?

Stephen the Pedophile Husband: Time for an action-filled climax! *kidnaps*

Gryphon: HANDS OFF MY WOMAN! *kills Stephen*

Tess: Don't send him to jail! He's really a Secret Marquess!

Gryphon: I'm sorry, but my manly manpain can't take any more love or emotions.

Tess: Um, I had your kid. I think my uteruspain outranks your manpain.

Gryphon: But---

Tess: And I was kidnapped. And locked in a CELLAR. Cellarpain, kidnapped pain > manpain.

Gryphon: ...I'm cured!

Tess: HOORAY!

Romance Convention Checklist:

  • 1 Secret Peer
  • 1 Band of Pirates
  • 1 Evil Gay Pedophile Villain
  • Several Tropical Storms
  • 1 Shootout in a Cellar
  • 1 Loyal Butler
  • 1 Murder Trial

The Word: Lady Tess is the only daughter of the Earl of Morrow, a noted botanist and adventurer who's spent the last ten years of his life (and Tess's) exploring South American rainforests. While he lies dying of a fever, his final wish is for Tess to return to England and marry.

However, the Earl's friend, Mr. Taylor is worried for Tess' wellbeing. It's going to be hard enough for her to re-adapt to England's stifling social customs after ten years gallivanting about the rainforest and performing amateur taxidermy (for reals), but with her enormous fortune she will also be a tempting target for scoundrels and fortune hunters. Mr. Taylor decides to hire Gryphon Frost, the man captaining the ship destined to return Tess to England, to pose as a gentleman and help Tess separate the marital sheep from the goats.

This poses a significant problem for Gryphon, as he's half in love with Tess already. Unfortunately, he's broke and Mr. Taylor's willing to pay top dollar, so he signs on to nurse a six-month-long boner and help Tess find the upper-class man of her dreams.

Gryphon, of course, is hiding a Dark Past worthy of a Gilbert and Sullivan musical - if Gilbert and Sullivan were clinically depressed. The grandson of the Marquess of Ashland, Gryphon was only a boy when his mother, father, uncle, and sisters were brutally murdered by pirates while returning to England from India. The captain of the accompanying ship, a man who married a cousin of Gryphon's family, refused to rescue them in order to obtain the marquessate for his own son.

While Gryphon mourns his old life and his family, after his one teenage attempt to return to Ashland nearly resulted in his own murder, he knows he has little to no chance of proving his identity seventeen years after the fact. Falling in love with a wealthy aristocrat like Tess only pours salt in the wound.

Especially since his feelings are reciprocated. Like him, Tess was born into the peerage but spent most of her life outside of Society's ken, and relearning the rules and strictures is a struggle. However, to please her father's ghost she continues to receive titled suitors - like Stephen Elliott, the current Marquess of Ashland who casually invites Gryphon to his Whips, Sticks, and Pedophilia Club after a single night's acquaintance.

Eventually, Tess and Gryphon admit their love for each other, but before they can seal the deal a Random Pregnant Villainess shows up and casts our two lovers adrift. The rest of the novel follows our protagonists as they make their long, slow, circuitous way back to each other.

The plot pretty much loses all structure at this point. For the next several hundred pages, Tess and Gryphon ping pong between several continents and their own impenetrable angsts, as dangers of varying degrees of melodrama (tropical storms, misunderstandings, murder trials) rise up to swat them in new directions. The novel is definitely an example of an epic romance, encompassing months and years of our protagonists developing, reuniting, breaking up again, and rushing back to save each other, and all of it in interesting and well-described situations and settings (Brazil, Tahiti, England).

Thanks to the aimless plotting, the novel's enjoyment rests solely on our characters and here's where the novel succeeds - and stumbles. Tess is a fairly interesting heroine. Yes, she's naive and a bit of a doormat when Gryphon mistreats her, but she knows how to get angry and knows how to take care of herself in dangerous situations, which is more than I can say for Olympia and even Leda. There's a particularly hilarious scene where Tess, upon discovering an intruder in her house, flees to the shore, jumps into the ocean and swims to Gryphon's ship.

Gryphon, on the other hand... Well, he starts out adorably enough. Kinsale is a master at writing bumbling lovestruck heroes and Gryphon is no exception. Unfortunately, after the initial event that separates him and Tess, he develops severe Philophobia and repeatedly sends Tess away because Love and Attachment Cause Pain, and His Heart Can't Take It Again, blah blah blah. Much like the hero of this novel's sequel, Gryphon neglects and mistreats Tess (and eventually their child, which was extremely hard to swallow) in order to drive her away. I realize these sorts of heroes often think they're acting in the best interests of the heroines, but it's their manpain and their mantears they're really concerned about and I lost patience with Gryphon after the first two times he shoots Tess down.

So what, really, did I think of The Hidden Heart? It's a solid debut, with delicious backstories, unconventional locations, and lots of drama. The foundations of Laura Kinsale's writing are all here. There's a lot of room for improvement - but thankfully, as we already know, Laura Kinsale does.
B

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

"Seize the Fire," by Laura Kinsale

The Chick: Olympia St. Leger, Princess of Oriens. Born and raised in exile in Britain, she's at the mercy of her evil uncle who seeks to marry her in order to secure the throne for himself.
The Rub: She has a plan to introduce democracy to Oriens to prevent further terrible monarchies, but to do that, she'll have to place her trust in the famous Captain Sheridan Drake - who has some dark secrets of his own.
Dream Casting: Kristen Schaal.

The Dude: Sheridan Drake. The famous war hero returns from the Navy to discover his deceased father bankrupted him and left his own fortune to be dispensed of at the discretion of his ex-mistress - who happens to hate Sheridan's guts.
The Rub: When an incredibly gullible princess sitting on a priceless jewel collection comes to him for help, he figures separating her from her gems will be easy pickings - but what if she separates him from his heart?
Dream Casting: Wes Bentley.

The Plot:

Sheridan: OMG I HATE THE NAVY, THE OCEAN, AND EVERYTHING! *tries to kill commander, trips an saves everyone*

England: HOORAY!

Olympia: Please help me save my country from the oppression of monarchy!

Sheridan: Please help myself to your jewels? Don't mind if I do!

Olympia: Hey, while you do that, why not introduce democracy to the sailors on our ship! *sparks mutiny* Why not reveal Sheridan's secret identity to a totally trustworthy sailor whom I've never met! *nearly gets shot* Why don't I start screeching about my jewels in front of some escaped convicts? *nearly gets raped*

Sheridan: Wow, you totally fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down. It's a good thing you're hot.

Sheridan and Olympia: *stranded on desert Island*

Sheridan: Now I love you.

Sheridan and Olympia: *rescued and on board a ship*

Sheridan: ....and now I don't. Because I'm dark and damaged and stuff. Why don't I develop a mental illness, just to make things more interesting?

Olympia: Now it's time for me to fix you!

Plot: *Pirates* *White Slavers* *Possibly Gay Sultan BFFs*

Random Villains: *kidnap Olympia*

Olympia: Never mind. Back to being helpless until I'm rescued!

Sheridan: Hey look I'm suddenly rich now for no reason and your kingdom doesn't want you anymore, also for no reason. Let's hook up!

Olympia: HOORAY!

Romance Convention Checklist:

  • 1 Antihero Hero
  • 1 Evil Ex-Mistress
  • 1 Unscrupulous Servant
  • 1 Case of Body Issues
  • 1 Case of Daddy Issues
  • 1 Unfortunate Shipwreck
  • 1 Desert Island Romance
  • 1 Somewhat Incongruous Penguin
  • 1 Band of Pirates
  • 1 Case of Hand-Waved Plot-Propelling PTSD


The Word: I honestly never believed I would be typing the following words, but, I disliked a Laura Kinsale novel and thought it was horrible.

My safe, comforting worldview has been shattered. There's some things in this world that you think are just indisputable facts: Snow falls in winter. A full moon comes every 28 days. And Laura Kinsale novels are awesome.

That belief lasted until I read Seize the Fire, an inexplicably boring and haphazardly plotted mess of a novel.

Naval Captain Sheridan Drake is a famous war hero - entirely by accident. When his crazed attempt to murder his incompetent commanding officer during a sea battle results in him accidentally saving the fool's life and the lives of his shipmates (for reals), he is knighted and his name hailed across the nation as a brave selfless hero. Too bad he's completely broke - thanks to his apparently insane father who left him a demonically booby-trapped house while placing his fortune in a trust ruled by his manipulative ex-mistress, Julia.

Olympia is the princess of the tiny nation of Oriens, but she has lived her entire life in genteel exile in England after her despicable uncle murdered her parents. She has spent her twenty-four years of life stewing in self-loathing and French philosophy with her governess, Julia (yes, that Julia) and when she discovers her uncle is about to petition the Pope to marry her and seize the throne (consent-optional), she pays a call on the one man she knows will aid her in her plight - Captain Sheridan Drake. Surely, this glowing paragon of manhood will help escort her to Oriens to introduce democracy to her loyal subjects, or at the very least to Rome so that she can prevent her marriage by asking the Pope nicely.

Now, you might think Sheridan would be the harder character to like, as he immediately decides to fleece the plump little princess of her crown jewels and leave her in the lurch. Except not. As Sheridan rapidly comes to learn, Olympia is a breathtakingly stupid and obnoxiously pathetic heroine who is Literally Terrible at Everything except for crying, biting her fist in terror/misery/self-loathing, and almost getting Sheridan shot in the face. Poor Sheridan has to spend the next 500 pages of this massive book babysitting, protecting, getting waterboarded for (!), and Not Boning 160 crybaby pounds of narrative deadweight.

The sheer number of times Olympia almost gets Sheridan killed would be funny if she wasn't such a self-rightous TSTL dimwit about it. I hated Olympia - I thought her one of the worst and most useless heroines I've ever read. She never develops any spine, intelligence, or even any ambition beyond the incredibly shortsighted one of bestowing democracy upon everyone she meets. Once she has a protector her desire to free her people slips into the background. What does she want to do with her life? What does she do in her spare time? Who is she beyond this chubby, whinging, constantly complaining mess of a person? Her "kindness" and "purity" are supposed to be the Polysporin to Sheridan's Scraped Knee of Angst, but otherwise Sheridan seems to like her mainly because her breasts are the only things more impressive than her tear ducts.

Of course, most of the romantic progression involves Sheridan yo-yo'ing between Total Adoration Despite Being a Dark, Damaged Dude and treating Olympia like a turd in order to push her away from him because he's a Dark, Damaged Dude. You can imagine how quickly this becomes repetitive in a 583-page novel.

The thing is, the whole structure of the novel is a hot mess. The plotting is like a suitcase packed by an absentminded traveller - the type who forgets crucial items, only to shove them in at the last minute, one on top of the other, even though they don't really fit. The characterization of everyone except for Sheridan is atrocious, as their storylines are picked up and dropped, seemingly at random - Julia Plumb, for example, is depicted as a villainess even though she's only "on screen" for one chapter, in which she acts quite concerned and surprised. The only reason we even know she's a villainess is because Sheridan explicitly tells us how evil she is. Or Sheridan's father, who's mentioned in the initial chapters as a madman fascinated with pranks and booby traps, until his character and his impact on Sheridan is abruptly abandoned, never to be mentioned again except in passing.

In the last act of the novel we have, without any previous development of such plot points: the sudden insertion of severe and constant PTSD into our hero's character description, an entirely random violent past, an aristocratic dandy sidekick who appears 20 pages from the end and serves no narrative purpose whatsoever, a nonsensical misunderstanding that ensures the hero has a massive fortune by book's end, and an ambiguous Arabian Sultan who is apparently crazy in love with Sheridan until he's abruptly written out of the plot.

The thing is, Kinsale's written whackadoo plots before - evil cults, poisoned shellfish, kidnapped bulls, oral sex lessons from Catholic priests, white ninjas, and magic-sword-eating sharks, to name only a few. The thing is, in those cases she developed those ideas so that they made sense as one read them within the context of the story. She didn't just cram them in with no notice or precedent.

And it's just as likely that those plots appeared believable because they were populated by realistic, well-realized and sympathetic characters. The characters and their motivations and anguish felt real, so their adventures seemed real as well. In Seize the Fire, Sheridan's backstory is too vastly complicated to take very seriously (his previous positions include naval captain, harem slave, jewel thief, death goddess assassin, and gigolo - not making this up), and, as mentioned before, Olympia is such a pathetically incompetent twit that I had no empathy for her or her travails.

Laura Kinsale's writing is solid enough, but with such a randomly plotted storyline and dippy characters, there's just no reason to go on. Seize the Fire is all noise and no substance.
D+

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

"The Shadow and the Star," by Laura Kinsale

The Chick: Leda Etoile. A penniless seamstress gets the shock of her life when she discovers a black-clad man hiding in her room - a man who later hires her as his secretary when she doesn't turn him in.
The Rub: Yes, he's really, really, ridiculously good-looking, but he's also courting another woman, one who is more of his station.
Dream Casting: Kelly Macdonald.

The Dude: Samuel Gerard. Rescued from horrific conditions by the Ashlands, he's dedicated himself to protecting their beautiful daughter, Kai, from the cruelties of the world. But he needs help in courting her, help that Leda could provide.
The Rub: Unfortunately, his desire for Leda far outmatches his affection for Kai, and frightens him to his core.
Dream Casting: Matt Damon.

The Plot:
Leda: Woe is me, I am an impoverished (and now unemployed) seamstress. Hey! Who's that?

Samuel: *ninja appearance* 'Sup.

Leda: HOLY FUCKING SHIT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM YOU CREEP.

Samuel: You seem to have ninja-broken my leg.

Leda: Oh no! Let me help you with that!

Samuel: Thank you. You are a veritable ninja of kindness.

Leda: You can stop using ninja as a descriptor now.

Samuel: Be my secretary!

Leda: ....what.

Samuel: I can see that my proposition came upon you silently and unawares, much like a --

Leda: DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE. Fine. I'll be your secretary.

Samuel: Awesome. God, I wish I wasn't so attracted to her. Ninja boners are the worst boners.

Leda: Wow, he's so perfect. I wish he wasn't trying to marry his sister. Foster sister.

Samuel and Leda: *knock boots*

Samuel's Fams: Don't be a dick, Samuel. Marry her.

Samuel: That is so not ninja.

Leda: Well, now that we've married, I will try to be the best wife for you. And look, your totally not-suspicious Japanese butler has led us all to this ship in the middle of the ocean where no one can hear our cries for help. Not that we'll be making them!

Evil Japanese Villain: Someone order a climax? Do you have a Japanese sword that has had little bearing on the plot? Surprise! It's important!

Samuel: Whoops. *drops sword in ocean*

Random Shark: *eats sword* See you later!

Leda: Well you can't get more ninja than that.

Samuel: OMG I LOVE YOU.

Leda: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist:


1 White Ninja

1 Penniless Seamstress

1 Ill Translator
1 Magic (?) Sword

1 Magic(?) Sword Eating Shark

1 Secret Baby

1 Completely Oblivious Romantic Rival

1 Weak-ass Sister-Whipped Romantic Rival
The Word: Laura Kinsale has been able to get me out of a quite a few jams. She'll take stories that, on paper, sound ridiculously fantastical (half-deaf highwaymen and cults? What? A celibate knight who learned oral sex tips from Catholic priests? Wait, what?) and make them into such deep, gorgeously detailed stories of longing and pure, unadulterated romance.

In The Shadow and the Star's case, this book rescued me from a total brain and heart shutdown brought on by reading Judith McNaught's poisonous "no-doesn't-mean-no-mance" Whitney, My Love. Honestly, after Whitney, I didn't want to go near romance novels with a ten-foot pole. Don't get me wrong - by no means do I tar all (or even most, or even 99% of) romance novels with the same rapey brush, but I figured that, at least for a while, every uberalpha male decision I read might very well conjure up echoes of Clayton "Please Don't Make Me Rape You For Your Own Good" Westmoreland. After all, a lot of the basic ideas in Whitney still come up in modern historical romance novels, even if the execution is far better.

But again, if anyone can make me run back into romance's ample, soft, and sweet-smelling bosom (preferably in slow motion, on a windswept beach), it's Laura Kinsale.

With Shadow, Laura Kinsale takes a plot point from the list of "Top Ten Stories You Cannot Possibly Write and Have People Take Seriously" (white ninjas) and proves everyone wrong. As a sequel (of sorts) to The Hidden Heart (which I haven't read but is on the way to my house via Amazon as we speak), this novel apparently deals with the little boy the hero and heroine from the previous book rescued - Samuel Gerard.

Rescued from horrific sexual abuse as a young child by Lord and Lady Ashland of Hawaii, Samuel subsequently learned the art of Japanese warfare from their mysterious butler, Dojun, gaining in skill and technique all the while. As an adult, when he accompanies the Ashlands to England to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee, he uses his ninja training to expose houses of underage repute by stealing priceless cultural artefacts from visiting dignitaries and leading the irate police force to the brothels.

Our heroine, Leda Etoile, a poor seamstress slaving away under a prominent dressmaker, first meets Samuel when he accompanies the party of the Queen and Princess of Hawaii to the dress shop and helps translate for some Japanese dignitaries. While entranced by his loveliness, she knows she's miles out of his league - until one evening when she discovers him hiding in her room with a stolen Japanese sword hilt.

Samuel's bout as England's Child-Prostitution-Fighting Robin Hood comes to an abrupt end when his scuffle with Leda ends with her breaking his leg with her sewing machine. For reasons even she can't fully understand, Lena refuses to turn Samuel in, and he rewards her by hiring her as his new secretary.

The romance between Samuel and Leda is so interesting precisely because both characters are rigidly repressed, albeit in different ways. Samuel's past of sexual abuse has led him to violently distrust sexual desire, identifying it in himself as a dark similarity to the people who first hurt him. His ultimate dream is to court and marry his foster sister, the Ashland's daughter Kai, because he feels no desire (albeit much affection) for her and thus can cherish and protect her from the sufferings of the world that he endured. Unfortunately, he spent too much time learning awesome ninja skills to learn awesome lady skills, and he requires Leda's help and advice.

However, Leda, an orphan who was adopted by a wild tribe of impoverished widows and spinsters, knows only the strictest and most proper rules of deportment. She clings to her rules because she knows no other way to survive in the world. Both characters are terrified of their feelings for each other, but still come to express it in astonishing and lovely ways.

I particularly liked Leda, probably because we get more of her current POV (we don't get to see how Samuel sees Leda until about the halfway mark). She gets in on the ground floor when it comes to Samuel, discovering firsthand his ninja training and his darkness (which he's kept secret from the Ashlands), and learning to love him going on from that, which is a marked contrast from Kai, who is bubbly but oblivious, and knows only the surface of Samuel that he shows to everyone.

Samuel, meanwhile, is a study of contrasts. At once confident in his training and desperately insecure about his life (his past has convinced him that no one can truly love him), intelligent about some things and blindingly ignorant about others, he is a mystery for much of the novel.

Another thing I loved, no, adored about this novel was the details and the settings, which are almost characters in their own right. The novel plays a delightful tightrope between conventional settings (1890s London and English countryside) and the fantastically unconventional (the burgeoning cultural mosaic of the Hawaiian islands, and the Japanese demon-sword subplot). These details are both relevantly portrayed and seamlessly integrated into the storyline, so I never felt I was reading an historical diatribe, but rather exploring a fully-realized world, with strong English, Hawaiian, and Japanese influences.

The only small misstep was the ending, which had a bit of a bizarre climax (in which Leda does little except cry and act terrified), but it's only a small element of dissonance in quite a magnificent and original novel.

A+, as usual.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

"Flowers from the Storm," by Laura Kinsale

The Chick: Archimedea "Maddy" Timms. When this pious Quaker woman recognizes her father's mathematical partner in a madhouse, she knows he's not as crazy as they think - and that it just might be God's will to help him prove it.
The Rub: How far will she have to go and much will she have to give up to keep Jervaulx from being sent back to the asylum? And how much of what she feels for him is truly God's will?
Dream Casting: Sophia Myles.

The Dude: Christian Richard Nicholas Francis Langland, the Duke of Jervaulx. Once he was the wealthiest, most powerful peer in England - until an incapacitating stroke deprived him of every right and privilege.
The Rub: Maddy Timms seems to be the only person who can understand him, and he'll go to any lengths to make sure she stays with him. Any lengths.
Dream Casting: Aidan Turner.

The Plot:

Maddy's Dad: The Duke of Jervaulx helped me with my math paper! I like him!

Maddy: He's a total skeeze! What are you, crazy?

General Public: Guess what! The duke is dead!

Maddy: Um... awkward.

Months Later

Cousin Edward: Welcome to my lovely mental asylum! Just a few ground rules - no smoking, no sharp objects, and no unexpectedly falling in love with our patients.

Jervaulx: *in head* I'm totally not crazy! Here, let me demonstrate how not crazy I am by grabbing you by the throat while I carve a mathematical equation into the table with a straight razor! See! A crazy person would NEVER do that!

Maddy: Wow. He's totally not crazy!

Everyone Else in the Novel: WTF.

Jervaulx's Family: Let's solve this with a hearing!

Leader of the Hearing: He's totally crazy!

Maddy: HE'S NOT CRAZY.

Jervaulx's Ambiguous Ball-Breaking Aunt: They can't send him back to the asylum if he marries a girl of good family and knocks her up! Even if he IS crazy!

Maddy: Well, now YOU'RE crazy.

Jervaulx's BFFs: Hey, the duke should totally marry you!

Maddy: YOU ARE ALL CRAZY!

Jervaulx: *sad eyes*

Maddy: Okay, not you. Fine, let's get married. Whatever.

Jervaulx's Family: You married a Quaker? What are you, CRAZY?!

Quakers: You married a venal Duke in an Anglican ceremony? What are you, CRAZY?!

Maddy: I shouldn't care, but I do. He's so sexy and it turns out I like pretty dresses and foot massages and sex. I'll just tough it out...

The Plot: Who ordered the Secret Baby with Extra Angst?

Maddy: Screw this noise, I'M OUT. *rejoins Quakers*

Jervaulx: You ... CRAZY.

Maddy: I am utterly disarmed and undone by such an eloquent romantic speech! Plus I miss all the footrubs and sex.

Jervaulx: HOORAY!
Romance Convention Checklist


1 Quakin' Quaker

1 Stroke (of Genius!)

1 Actual Stroke

Several Complicated Mathematical Equations

1 Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Seduction Committeh

1 Broken Collar Bone

1 Enormous Tiara

4 Asshole Inlaws

1 Ambiguous Ball-Breaking Aunt

1 Secret Baby

2 Awesome But Morally-Challenged BFFs

The Word: I didn't want to read this book.

I know! Le gasp! But Laura Kinsale is the Awesomest!

Well, there are two fears that contributed to why I hesitated to take Flowers from the Storm off of my TBR:

1. It Wouldn't Live Up to the Hype - I was terrified that the novel touted across Romancelandia as the Best Romance Ever Written Ever couldn't possibly live up to the hyperbolic amounts of lurve and having my Romance Bar raised so impossibly high would result in nothing but catastrophic disappointment.

2. It Would Live Up to the Hype - and thus every romance I read after it would be seem like utter garbage in comparison, preventing me from enjoying another romance novel ever again.

But then I figured, Life is Short. And people are always writing and coming out with new books (including Kinsale herself - which has me all sorts of happy!), so I grit my teeth and took out Flowers from the Storm.

At the beginning of the novel, our protagonists couldn't be more different. The Duke of Jervaulx is a wealthy, lusty, womanizing rakehell who also happens to be a mathematical prodigy. Chaste Quaker Maddy Timms would rather have nothing at all to do with the immoral, "creaturely" Jervaulx, but she's forced to tolerate him thanks to the fact that he's co-authoring a mathematical paper with her father.

The paper earns both men serious acclaim, but Jervaulx has little time to enjoy it - the next morning, as he's about to duel with a husband he's cuckolded, he suffers a stroke. On the way to his townhome with a thank you letter, Maddy hears how the Duke collapsed during a duel and assumes the man is dead.

Months later, however, she learns differently. Having taken a position at her cousin's mental asylum, she is shocked to discover the Duke in the ward reserved for the violent patients, where he's been diagnosed with dementia brought on by immoral living. On their first meeting, Jervaulx snatches Maddy and brings a razor to her throat, only to carve a series of lines and curves upon the table with it. While the duke's keepers see this as just another demonstration of his insanity, Maddy recognizes his carving for what it is - a complex mathematical equation.

Christian Langland, Duke of Jervaulx, has been trapped in his own malfunctioning mind for months. He knows who he is, he knows what his life should be like, but he's helpless to communicate the truth to other people. When people speak to him, all he can hear is gibberish - similarly, when he tries to speak, his mouth can't form the words. The only language his mind can focus on is mathematical - and when Maddy returns to him in secret with the answer to his equation, he surprises them both by speaking his first words since his stroke - "cosine function."

Despite her former disgust for his indecent and immoral behaviour, Maddy knows that Christian is damaged, but not insane. Moreover, the more she learns about the asylum's barbaric "moral therapy," the more she believes that Christian does not belong here, and that perhaps it is her duty - her God-given duty - to help Christian recover and prove his sanity.

If I could name the two elements I love most in great romance, and what I loved most in this romance, they would be Conflict and Drama - both external and internal. Flowers from the Storm delivers it in spades, all of which revolves around the central theme of Control.

Externally, Christian spends the novel fighting to retain control over his legal standing in society, his powers of consent and his authority over his estates, finances, and titles. His avaricious brothers-in-law are all too willing to send him back to the asylum in order to control his wealth for themselves, and unless he can prove his competency, he is powerless over his own destiny.

However, his most difficult battle is the one within himself - psychologically, he's fully intact, but neurologically, his language abilities (reading, writing, speaking, and comprehending) have been severely impaired. Reading about how Christian has to come to grips with his impairment is wrenching - Laura Kinsale powerfully conveys the agony, the rage, the shame of a man born to power who is suddenly denied the ability to speak his own name without hours of practice. Even after he's let out of the asylum, he's still trapped by the limitations of his handicap. My heart broke for him about a dozen times throughout this novel, this man who has every scrap of pride stripped away from him again and again.

And yet, what saves him is his dependence - his dependence on Maddy. Maddy's development operates in reverse - a woman who is accustomed to ceding control who is inspired by God to disagree with and even defy those she would normally obey in order to do what she believes is right. Maddy is a Quaker, and her religion and upbringing are incredibly important to her character - and also a key source of conflict in her relationship with Christian.

And yet taking control leaves her just as confused and uncertain as Christian's sudden loss of control. She's used to being told what to do, to obeying the precepts of her religious elders, to sitting in silence and allowing God to speak to her during the Meetings. While she believes she's been called by God to rescue Christian, her support of him leads her into conflict with a great deal of her upbringing. He's a powerful Duke whose estate spends and controls an enormous amount of capital, something the thrifty, lower-class Maddy has no idea how to deal with. As a result, she can sometimes come across as wishy-washy, because she's a naturally passive person who's more comfortable ceding to someone else's authority than enforcing her own.

More points go to Laura Kinsale for portraying neither lifestyle as the "better" one - Maddy does help Christian improve himself as a man, but she doesn't "cure" Christian of the ills of profligate spending and luxurious dress and convert him to the ways of Quakerism. Similarly, Maddy doesn't suddenly open her eyes and discover that Quakers are repressive cultists and that her greatest dream is to wear low-cut gowns hand-sewn by blind Catholic nuns or some such nonsense. Christian is still an aristocrat, and Maddy's Quaker upbringing remains in her life - and that conflict remains even by the end of the novel. It just isn't enough of a conflict to impede their love for each other.

And what a love it is. This book will wring you emotionally dry - these two protagonists are defined as much by their flaws as by their strengths, and those flaws are not "fixed" by the end of the novel. You will be frustrated and angry and despairing while reading this book - I realize that up until now my review may sound very objective and unemotional, but this is a book you will tear through at a frantic clip. These characters have to suffer a great deal before they get to the end - and Laura Kinsale will ensure you suffer right along with them. In the good way, honest.

Okay, if I had to brutally honest - Flowers from the Storm doesn't topple Prince of Midnight from its pedestal as my favourite Kinsale, but it's still a profoundly emotional, epic character-driven romance.A+

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"Lessons in French," by Laura Kinsale

Note: Please forgive the bizarre formatting - I wrote this review some time ago and saved it to Word before copy-pasting it to Blogger today, so the formatting may be a little weird.

The Chick: Lady Callista Taillefaire. After being abandoned at the altar by three different men, she decides to take the hint and settle for being a wallflower. Unfortunately, it's at that moment that her childhood sweetheart, Trevelyan decides to reappear.

The Rub: He's still up for fun and adventure - but he's definitely hiding something.
Dream Casting:Bryce Dallas Howard.

The Dude: Trevelyan D’Augustin, Duc of Monceaux. 10 years ago, Trevelyan was banished from Callie’s side and vowed to make something of himself. He now returns successful and wealthy, the conquering hero – to discover the love of his life still hasn’t shacked up yet.
The Rub: And he can’t do the honour himself – because his glittering, golden success is really all a sham. Perhaps, however, he can interest her in one last hurrah before he leaves.
Dream Casting: Matthew Bomer.

The Plot:
Callie: What are you doing?
Trev: I’m returning to take care of my mother.
Callie: What are you doing?
Trev: I’m stealing your precious bull back for you!
Callie: What are you doing?
Trev: I’m pretending to be a Belgian nobleman to spare your reputation!
Callie: What are you doing NOW?
Trev: I’m running away because I’m not worthy of you and thanks to some shady things in my past that are too shady to actually tell you about. Way too shady.
Callie: You know that I literally work with bullshit for a living, right?
Trev: Well, crap. Wait, what are you doing?
Callie: Getting you a pardon! Let’s get married!
Trev: HOORAY!
Romance Convention Checklist
1 Unconventional Redheaded Heroine with Self-Esteem Issues
1 Fraudulent Frenchman with a Secret Past
1 Mischievous Bull with a Taste for Bath Buns
1 Romantically Lacklustre Re-Rival
1 “Just Friends” Agreement Doomed to Failure
1 Really Dumb Blonde
Several Big Misunderstandings
1 Secret Blackmailer
1 Big Fat Ho Cousin
2 Fake Belgians

The Word: Laura Kinsale indicates in her author’s note at the end of her latest novel, Lessons in French, that this is her attempt to write a “light” novel, as opposed to her regular “dark” style. From my experience reading For My Lady’s Heart and Prince of Midnight, I can somewhat understand what she means by light and dark, and how this novel is a bit of a departure from her normal milieu.

Lady Callista Taillefaire is sitting out yet another country dance when a familiar personage from her youth reappears and asks for a waltz. Trevelyan D’Augustin, the Duc of Monceaux, left England to make his fortune after he and Callista were driven apart by her outraged Earl father ten years ago. While of impeccable French pedigree, Trevelyan’s family lost everything during the French Revolution and Callista’s father saw him as nothing better than a foreign fortune-hunter. 
 
Now he’s back, apparently having recovered his family’s ancestral holdings, but is appalled at the state his mother’s been reduced to – her house is filthy, her servants have deserted her, and her health is in rapid decline. Desperate, he asks his dear Callie to help him set things to rights, since money is no longer an object. Their renewed proximity brings back all of the heady emotions of their youth – but times have changed, and neither feels they can reveal their feelings.

Thrice engaged, and thrice jilted within the last ten years, Callie lives under the assumption that she’s completely unmarriageable – despite her fortune, she’s too dull, too plain, too antisocial, and too obsessed with her cattle farming to be a good wife to anyone. Especially to a French duke as wealthy, charming and sophisticated as Trevelyan has become. Trevelyan, meanwhile, cannot risk an attachment to the woman he still adores – while his newfound wealth is real, the stories he tells Callista and his mother about where it comes from are not.

It sounds so – familiar doesn’t it? By choosing to write a “light” romance rather than a “dark” one, Laura Kinsale sets herself a much riskier literary challenge. Light romances, as opposed to dark or epic romances, must work within a much more limited scope. Without broad obstacles like pirates, spies, or continental travel, light historical romances tend to focus instead on the politics of the drawing-room or small country village – a tinier stage where the smallest misstep could lead into tedium or cliché. Because of the narrower field, many well-used character types tend to flourish. Look at a Julia Quinn or Mary Balogh novel – how many cynical rogues are there? Or virginal bluestockings?

Light romances work by wringing emotional truth and sentimental originality from familiar surroundings and tropes – a trying task to walk between the expected and unexpected, creating realistic and difficult emotional obstacles without going overboard and making your characters exaggerated and unrealistic. Go too far one way and you’ll end up with a completely predictable, boring piece of drivel with tired jokes and overused social observations. Lean too far in the other direction and you get cartoonish situations where the scandalous rake refuses to marry because he blinded his saintly twin brother with a shuttlecock when he was seven and feels unworthy of love (and badminton). 
 
I mean, objectively, look at the protagonists of Lessons in French – Callie is just another apple from the ever-abundant tree of Self-Hating Gingers, who are numerous enough in Romance Land to have their own political party. And Trev, who believes he’s too dark and scandalous and unworthy of the heroine? What a novel idea! Keeping reading, however.
I don’t know if it actually took five years to complete Lessons in French, but however long it took, it was worth it, for Laura Kinsale accomplishes a near-perfect romance, her beautiful writing lending depth and originality to familiar characters. Trev and Callie have a sizzling, fun dynamic that ten years haven’t lessened. In what seems to be Kinsale’s favourite style, we have a sentimental hero tied to a practical heroine. Trev was always the adventurer, the charmer, the prankster – the kind of bolder, braver friend who could sweep the straight-laced Callie off to join him in his hilarious shenanigans, convincing her that she, too, could be audacious and daring. 
 
This continues, even now that both are older and (one hopes) wiser. After Callie’s cousin thoughtlessly gambles away her prize bull, Hubert, only for Hubert to escape and (mysteriously) wind up in Trev’s kitchen, dyed black (don’t ask), Trev devises a plan to return Hubert to its new owner without casting suspicion on Callie that involves subterfuge, fake Belgian identities, and a popular cattle fair. How, exactly? You’ll have to read for yourself.

However, Trev isn’t just a happy-go-lucky rogue who swings through life with no strings attached – I loved how Kinsale portrayed his impulsive, emotional nature as being a doubled edged sword. Trev is just as likely to Fuck Things Up (and does so repeatedly) as he is to discover a last-minute solution to a problem. Meanwhile, Callie, as the practical one, is always saying, “No! We mustn’t! Are you mad?” who nevertheless thinks quickly on her feet and can adapt to any situation Trev throws at her with wit and ingenuity. The best thing about this novel is Trev and Callie’s chemistry – there’s none of this “I-hate-you-I-love-you” nonsense. Even after a decade apart they can’t help being friends and they gracefully revert to sharp, knowing banter like returning to a familiar dance whose steps they’ll never quite forget. 
 
Along with all of this comes the marvellous historical detail – from the gossip papers and village politics to the fashions, and especially the settings we don’t normally read about in Regency romances, like the cattle fair Trev and Callie attend. I enjoyed the subtle flavours Kinsale added to Trev’s character thanks to his French nationality and his family’s status as poor aristocrats in exile. Trev (born during his family’s escape from the guillotine) was raised in England but spent his childhood being constantly impressed with the importance of regaining his French lands and birthright – and his inability to do so shapes him in powerful, even devastating ways.

As I said before, however, this was a near perfect romance. There were a few things that bothered me – and I while I still adore this book, these flaws kept it from becoming the complete emotional bulldozer that For My Lady’s Heart and The Prince of Midnight were. One of my main issues with this romance was Callie – there were many things I loved about her, but I felt her “Woe Is Me I’m So Completely Undesireable” kick pushed too far. It’s not that she doesn’t have a reason for it, having been jilted three times (more on that in a sec), and it’s not like I was expecting a stars-and-sparklers “I Feel Pretty” moment, but I would have liked a little more development of her self-image in reaction to the very obvious indications Trev gives her regarding how attractive he finds her. 
 
Her low sense of self-worth also leads to some frankly puzzling life choices on her part – such as her decision to accept the marriage proposal of Major Sturgeon, the first man to jilt her who unexpectedly turns up again to re-pledge his troth. She knows for a fact that a) he’s marrying her for her money, b) he tried to hook up with another woman during their engagement and c) that he considers her uninteresting and plain (and all this without even mentioning the fact that he abandoned her at the altar the first time), but, oh, it would be so much more humiliating to be Trev’s pitied and unloved wife than Major Sturgeon’s pitied and unloved wife. I never got this – it just seemed too pathetic of her, especially considering Callie’s easily wealthy and connected enough to live independently without marrying anyone. 
 
My last nitpick with the novel comes with a revelation at the end regarding the reason and motivation behind Cassie's three jiltings. I won't spoil it, but when it's uncovered Cassie just laughs it off, which I thought was uncharacteristic considering how much pain and self-consciousness she endured after being left at the altar three times.

These slight problems aside, Laura Kinsale demonstrates her trademark wit, depth, detail and romanticism can serve a light-hearted historical romance just as well as they can with a darker one. Laura Kinsale convinced me a knight can learn oral sex from devout Catholic priests, cold water in the ear feels remarkably like acid, and that bulls love bath buns stuffed with white currants. I’m pretty sure Laura Kinsale can write just about anything.
A

Monday, October 12, 2009

"The Prince of Midnight," by Laura Kinsale


Alternate Title: I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again, You Never Gonna Keep Me Down

The Chick: Lady Leigh Strachan. When her parents and sisters are killed when an evil cult leader takes over her town, she dresses as a boy and flees to France to learn how to fight so that she can have her revenge. In particular, she seeks out the elusive Prince of Midnight, the best highwayman of his day.
The Rub: She doesn't find a dashing hero, but a handicapped, half-deaf recluse who can barely walk in a straight line.
Dream Casting: Natalie Portman.

The Dude: Sophocles Trafalgar "S.T." Maitland, a.k.a. the Prince of Midnight. After a bomb blast took away half of his hearing and all of his balance, he's lived in isolation with only a wolf for company. The appearance of a desperate woman on his doorstep suggests an end to his painful loneliness.
The Rub: As much as he loves her and wants to help her, she returns his romantic gestures with cold, hard practicality. He fears that once he helps her attain her revenge, she'll abandon him to solitude once again.
Dream Casting: A slightly younger Russell Crowe.

The Plot:

Leigh: Help me avenge my family!

S.T.: Sure. *trips* I'd be happy to. *falls on face* By the way, I adore you. *stumbles*

Leigh: We have sex if you want - as payment for your help.

S.T.: Oh HELL no.

Leigh: C'mon - let's take this ship to England!

S.T.: OH HELL TO THE NO.

After the Worst Boat Trip Ever

S.T.: I'm cured! Let's go kill some cult leaders!

Cultists: JOIN US! Come for the willing cult babes, stay for the acid we'll pour in your ear!

S.T.: OH TO THE HELL TO THE NO TO THE HELL NAW!

Leigh: Oh no! The evil cultists made my beloved highwayman deaf!

S.T.: Hell, no. Wait - you like me?

Leigh: ...maybe.

S.T: Good enough for me! *rescues Cult Babes* *rescues Leigh from burning building*

Magistrate: Hey, aren't you the Prince of Midnight?

S.T.: Crap. Remember me as a romantic bumbler! *flees*

Leigh: OH HELL NO. *wrangles a pardon* Let's get married!

S.T.: But...but my issues...and my dizziness...and my...

Leigh: Don't be a moron.

S.T.: Okay.

Leigh: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist

1 Emotionally-Repressed Heroine with a Sad Past

1 Stumblebum Hero

1 Pet Wolf

3 Fancy Horses

1 Deadly Fever (Unsexy Variety)

1 Real Deaf Ear

1 Fake Deaf Ear

1 Miraculously Vanishing Balance Impediment

Countless French Endearments

3 Hot Cult Babes

3 Evil Perverts (including the Marquis de Sade!)

1 Bout of Sex on a Horse

The Word: I've been calling myself a Laura Kinsale fangirl ever since I read For My Lady's Heart, a fantastic medieval romance about a chaste knight who falls in love with a calculating Italian princess. Since then, I've hyped Kinsale to the skies, proclaimed her as one of my favourite authors - even though I'd only read one of her books (not counting the excerpt of French Lessons at RWA Nationals).

I decided to rectify that. I had three of her books on my TBR - Flowers from the Storm (used), My Sweet Folly (used), and The Prince of Midnight (new). Rifling through the three huge boxes I keep my TBR pile in nowadays, I found The Prince of Midnight first and decided to have at 'er.

Now, of course, I'm a rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth, sneaking-Kinsale-books-into-friend's-purses Laura Kinsale fangirl. Woe is me.

Imagine a room, if you will. Standing in the middle of that room is Adam Kent, Duke of Ridgeway from Mary Balogh's The Secret Pearl. On his expensively-tailored jacket is a blue ribbon with the words "Favourite Romance Hero" embroidered in gold thread. The door opens in that room and S.T. Maitland staggers in. He moves slowly to get his bearings, and keeps his head cocked at an odd angle. He approaches Adam Kent with careful steps.

Then he knees Adam in the balls.

As Adam doubles over in agony, S.T. removes his ribbon and pins it to his own lapel. Pearl's Fleur quickly enters, pins a red "Second Favourite Romance Hero" ribbon on Adam's shirt and helps him out.

S.T. Maitland, Favourite Romance Hero, BAR NONE.

He doesn't feel very romantic at the novel's start, however. Once an infamous highwayman who stole from the rich when they annoyed him and occasionally gave to the poor, he was betrayed by a former paramour and while he managed to elude the authorities, the encounter killed his favourite horse, rendered him deaf in one ear and destroyed his sense of balance. He's perpetually plagued by dizziness and vertigo - even turning his head too quickly can unman him. As a result, he's lived for the last three years in an abandoned castle making several half-hearted attempts to paint and sculpt, all the while bemoaning the good ol' days.

Lady Leigh Strachan needs to learn how to fight. Her family is dead, her life destroyed, and her town overrun by an insidious reverend and his rabidly misogynistic Christian cult. The rest of her town has either been converted or cowed, so she knows she can't just murder the Reverend (although that's definitely Step One) - she also needs a popular folk figure to inspire the people to reject the cult itself. Who better than the Prince of Midnight?

However, when she tracks him down, she's bitterly disappointed to discover he's a stumbling, impractical mess of a man, of no use to anyone. She fails to recognize S.T. as a hopeless romantic, and when she succumbs to a fever, he ignores her pleas to let her die and insists on aiding her in her quest once she recovers. S.T.'s 9/10ths in love with her already and sees their mission as a way to recover some of the thrill he's been missing since he retired the Prince of Midnight's half-mask.

The story shares some basic similarities with For My Lady's Heart - once again, we have an idealistic hero paired with an emotionally-walled off heroine - but there the similarities end. S.T. is not an alpha male or a hardened warrior, but a flamboyant romantic at heart. He's all about jewellery and teasing and French endearments. He longs to seduce Leigh and sweep her off her feet and make mad, sweet love to her. He worships the ground she walks on and wants to solve all of her problems and buy her beautiful clothes and if she asked him to drive to the store and buy her some Ye Olde Georgian Era Tampax he'd saddle up and race off to Yon SafeWaye in the blink of an eye.

Part of this is because he genuinely loves Leigh but also because he wishes he could return to the carefree, adventurous, and roguish man he was before his accident. His vertigo is a severe and constant burden on his pride and sense of self - he used to be a graceful dancer, a talented rider, a legendary swordsman and at the beginning of the novel he can't be any of those things and so his romantic pursuit of Leigh is, in a sense, the one way he can regain some of the adventure of his youth.

He's just so sweet and adorable, but it all falls flat when it comes to Leigh. The only way Leigh was able to recover from the loss of everything she'd known and find a purpose in life was to lock all her emotions away behind brutal practicality. She fears allowing herself any emotion will only break the dam she's placed on her grief, drown her and leave her too paralysed with sorrow to fulfill her goal. She responds to his romantic advances with cold acquiescence - she offers her body numerous times to S.T. as "payment" for his services, knowing her identification of sex as a financial arrangement equals instant bonerdeath for the passionate S.T.

However, as much as she tries to convince herself that S.T.'s vertigo renders him useless and unnecessary dead weight on her journey, he keeps coming up with new, unintentional ways to awaken her dormant sentimentalism - such as his innate kindness and skill with animals like his tame wolf Nemo (who's frightened of all women except, eventually, Leigh) and a pair of abused horses. As much as she tries to convince herself that the only things important in life are things that can directly help her kill Reverend Chilton, S.T. slowly re-introduces her to other aspects of living that are fulfilling and needful (affection, kindness, romance), indirectly helping her with her crushing grief.

This is demonstrated in a harrowingly powerful scene where S.T. instructs Leigh in training a gorgeous grey horse who, thanks to a long history of abuse, has a vicious temper. Leigh follows the instructions like clockwork but is set off balance once the horse starts to trust her. Terrified by the notion that this terribly hurt animal is willing to follow her so easily, she realizes she's bonded with it and just like that, her emotional dam bursts. I can't describe the rest of the scene because it needs to be read first-hand to be appreciated.

But is there is so much more to this novel besides the romance - a fair amount of buckles are swashed as Leigh and S.T. confront the cult (which is creepy with a capital CREEP even BEFORE we learn about its secret Ultra-Creepiness that involves a purple silk curtain and a rope), several damsels are rescued (to Leigh's feminist disgust), and secrets revealed. It's addictive stuff.

However (Um, Spoilers Ahoy), the novel takes an interesting turn in the last hundred pages, a turn that seemed initially contrived but then delightfully surprised me by making altogether Too Much Sense. After the Cult Leader dies, the local magistrate recognizes S.T. as the Prince of Midnight. Leigh manages to guilt the magistrate into giving S.T. a headstart, but our hero not only refuses to let Leigh come with him, but he fails to meet her in London afterwards as he promised. He is later captured and then officially pardoned and he still refuses to go and see Leigh. By this point I was saying, "NO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, S.T.? THE CONFLICT IS OVER, STOP MAKING MORE UP! GO TO HER, YOU FOOL!"

When he finally does ball up and reunite, he's awkward, inarticulate, even cowardly. "WHAT THE HELL, S.T.! MAN UP!" And that's when I realized the truth of it: when he was romantic and adventurous at the novel's start with Leigh, S.T. figured there would always be an obstacle to an ultimate HEA - at first, it was because he feared Leigh would leave him once her revenge was attained. Then, it was because of the price on his head. He figured he could give it his all without being afraid of failure because failure was inevitable. Once every obstacle is taken away, once the HEA is actually within his grasp, the determined romantic is terrified because failure is not inevitable - he could actually have it all.

Or he could lose it all over again.

I also thought this made the romance's conclusion more poignant and meaningful. Although S.T. frequently tells Leigh that he loves her, she never believes him - because every romantic, poetical thing he says is just a repetition of what he told countless other women when he was a dashing highwayman. While the true emotions behind his words for Leigh are different, I can understand how "this time it's for real" isn't very convincing.

Once all the cards are on the table, once every obstacle is overcome, S.T. can't be romantic, or articulate - he can only tell the bare truth. It's a subtle reversal of the relationship dynamic - after 500 pages of pursuing Leigh, now he is the one who shies - so Leigh is finally required to pursue S.T. and claim their happiness. This final choice renders S.T.'s love more powerful while at the same time it demonstrates how far Leigh has come emotionally - that she's willing to be the one who chases, who puts her own heart forward instead of having someone claim it.

And by golly, it's just wonderful.

Sorry, Adam Kent.
A+

Thursday, March 26, 2009

"For My Lady's Heart," by Laura Kinsale

Alternate Title: A Knight to Remember
The Chick:
Melanthe, Princess of Monteverde. A widow of a wealthy Italian prince, as well as heir to powerful lands in her own right, Melanthe lives a life surrounded by intrigue, stealth, and machinations, as warring factions strive to kill her, marry her, or use her to further their own agenda.
The Rub: Herself no stranger to scheming, all her hopes for escaping her pursuers depend on her maintaining calm, emotionless control. Love will only weaken her, especially love for a nameless knight who disapproves of her just as much as he adores her.
Dream Casting: Kate Beckinsale.

The Dude: Ruck, the Green Knight, a.k.a. Sir Ruadrik of Wolfscar. Years ago, when unfortunate circumstances left him nearly destitute, a random act of charity from a foreign princess saved his life, and he swore himself into her service, using her memory to guide his chivalrous exploits and keep him chaste for thirteen years. Now a full-fledged knight, he encounters her again...
The Rub: ... and discovers that his holy virtuous princess is actually an ice-cold bitch with a scandalous reputation, which doesn't sit well with the devout and rigidly honourable life he built for himself in her name.
Dream Casting: Hans Matheson.

The Plot: (the following has been translated from Middle English)

Ruck: My wife ran off to the church, and took all my money because Nun School's apparently real expensive, and I'm pretty sure I got put under a vow of chastity and I'm only seventeen! Fuck my life.

Princess Melanthe: There's a sucker born every minute, chump. Have some emeralds.

Ruck: What incomparable kindness and mercy! What a wonderful, amazingly pure and virtuous woman - I will dedicate my life to her service and purity ...

Thirteen Years Later

Melanthe: Hey, chump, I need you to kick your own liege's ass and destroy your hard-won reputation of honour and loyalty to aid my clandestine power games. Hop to it, Sir NoSexPlease!

Ruck: Fuck my life, the sequel.

Melanthe: Your life must be pretty exhausted now, chump. Why not give me a try?

Ruck: No! I made a vow to avoid the wretched sin of lust! I must stand firm...

Melanthe: Firm? I'm all for that!

Ruck: Oh all right.

Melanthe and Ruck: *quickie wedding*

Gian Navona, Melanthe's Medieval Stalker: Heeeeeeeeeere's Gian-y!

Melanthe: PSYCH! I totally don't love you Ruck and we're totally not married and your feet smell and don't think of following me because I'm a dirty whore just like you always suspected and by the way I hate you. Buh-bye! *flees*

Ruck: *follows* Hands off my wife! She's Mrs Chump to you people!

Melanthe: Ruck, what did I TELL you? GO AWAY.

Ruck: Your "Lassie go home" ploy may work with some Regency-era Duke of Slut, but I've spent thirteen years thinking with my better head!

Gian: Oh no you don't - *trips* *drowns*

Ruck: Huh. Convenient.

Melanthe: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist:
1 Ice Queen, Slightly Thawed

1 Chivalrous, Sex-Starved Knight

1 Cute as Hell Assassin (who gets a sequel! Yippee!)

1 Rather Lame, Crybaby Assassin

1 Act of Lovemaking Improved Upon By Tips Administered During Confession (thanks Catholic Church!)

1 Crazy Bad Wife (deceased)

1 Ye Olde Perverted Stalker

1 Plate of Poisoned Shellfish

1 Inconvenient Inheritance

2 Cameos By Real Historical Personages (Eddie 3 and his fly honey Alice Perrer)

The Word: This is funny - in my last post, I was bitching a bit about how I don't enjoy a lot of the romances that were nominated by the RITAs this year, but that every once in a while a great author will come along and provide a reason for reading more romance. I mentioned Kinsale in the review because even though at the time I wrote that post I hadn't finished For My Lady's Heart, I already knew I loved it and wanted to raid all the Chapters and used book stores I could find for her backlist.

The novel is set in medieval times, around the decline of the reign of Edward the Third. Ruck, a young knight, accompanies his wife on a pilgrimage to Avignon because, upon his return from the Battle of Poitiers, he discovered his lusty wife had suddenly taken to seeing holy visions and ecstasies and is now wed to Christ. Riiight. Anyway, he hopes maybe a pilgrimage to the Pope's palace will shut her up for a few days and allow him to have sex with her again.

Turns out she actually wants to take the veil and swear them both to a life of chastity (for they're still considered married), and has also instructed the church to take everything he has on him (including horse, weapon and armour) to pay for it. However, he's saved from poverty when a foreign Princess he met at the Pope's palace takes pity on him and gives him some emeralds, enough to buy back his possessions and more. This act of kindness, coming at a very distraught time for him, provokes him into swearing fealty to her, even though he doesn't know her name and believes it unlikely he'll ever meet her again.

Thirteen years pass, and we meet Princess Melanthe. Being an insanely wealthy widow in Regency England was one of the few ways a woman could live a free and empowered life. Being an insanely wealthy widow in the Middle Ages, however, meant having a bull's-eye drawn on your ass with gold paint. Melanthe's claim to her deceased husband's Italian estates (as well as her English properties) has earned her the unwelcome attentions of several nasty Italian factions. One of these is the Navona clan, led by Gian Navona, who claims to protect her. Another is the Riata clan, who have peppered her retinue with hidden assassins.

Both factions have seen to it that any man who too openly fancies her hand (and the riches to be obtained through marriage to her) soon meets a nasty end. While Gian does this because he would prefer to marry her himself, the Riata are all too willing to murder her to keep her holdings from falling into the hands of someone too powerful for them to deal with. As a result, Melanthe's life is a tightrope walk, as she must constantly ply favours and play the factions against each other to keep their attention off of her. She's cold, cunning, calculating and distrustful of emotions - as they could too easily sign the death warrants of innocent people, not to mention her own.

However, Melanthe has been doing some scheming of her own. Plying the Navona clan with false promises to protect her from the Riata, she plans to flee to England and shack up on her own English estate, surrounded by loyal English guardsmen, before any of the Italian factions are the wiser. She figures once she has the home-court advantage, she'll be able to live by her own terms and defend her properties with clean, lawful steel instead of desperate intrigue, thereby gaining a measure of personal freedom.

However, her plans are sidetracked when she's roped into a dinner with an ambitious duke who unwittingly endangers both their lives by courting her openly despite her refusals. She saves both herself and the oblivious duke by manipulating the duke's nameless knight into serving as her champion. The Green Knight, whom we realize early on is really Ruck, is torn between serving his liege and serving the Princess. Ignoring his pleas, Melanthe orders him to humiliate his liege in combat, thereby destroying his relationship with his master as well as severely denting his knightly reputation. She then accepts him into her service.

Melanthe and Ruck do not hit it off right away. No sir. Melanthe has real trouble trusting, much less comprehending, Ruck's honesty and rigidly single-minded dedication to honour, virtue, and chivalry (and chastity, let's not forget that!). So used to pretty lies and poetic threats, Melanthe is annoyed, then intrigued, and then fascinated by Ruck's forthrightness and devotion to his vows. Ruck's reaction to Melanthe is a little more vehement. For thirteen devout, chaste years, he idealized and beatified Melanthe in his mind, only to meet her again and have his expectations shattered beyond measure. He believes her to be a whore, a tease, and quite possibly a witch. Of course, he aims just as much vitriol at himself - for being so easily taken in, or being so naive, for continuing to sinfully lust after her even when he knows her to be a manipulative harlot. Oh, the delicious drama.

However, the romance doesn't really get going until a false plague panic causes all of Melanthe's retinue to desert her - save Ruck. Melanthe, married to an Italian prince at age twelve, has spent her life surrounded by people - servants, advisers, her retinue. Quite literally, she's never been simply alone with another person in her life. Abandoned in a wasteland with only a knight for company, the sudden and utter removal of every reason to lie and scheme and play-act both terrifies and exhilarates her - allowing her to loosen up a little.

Or, occasionally, a little too much. Truly, Laura Kinsale's charactersation in this book is superb. Melanthe's life is so complicated, she wouldn't feel out of place in a George R R Martin novel, and thus her reaction to her sudden, freeing isolation is complicated as well: part liberation and part mental breakdown. True, when it's only her and Ruck and a desert, she no longer has to worry about being stabbed in the back or poisoned or tricked, but at the same time, all her points of reference for how to deal with herself are also kaput. She becomes childish and unreasonable, excitable and dreamy, frightened and adventurous, in one crazy mixture.

One of the most subtle and tender changes in her behaviour is the way she sleeps. This may sound weird, but hear me out - Melanthe, once she's with Ruck, sleeps a lot in this book. For hours. For days. But this is simply an indication of how swiftly she comes to trust and depend on Ruck - for someone who has spent eighteen years of her life sleeping with one eye open, she feels safe enough around Ruck to let all those sleepless nights catch up with her and drop off to dreamland at the drop of a hat. To her, complete trust is an unheard of luxury as decadent as silk sheets and chocolate strawberries and she will indulge for as long as she can.

And Ruck. Ahhh, Ruck. Laura Kinsale completely blew me away with her depiction of Ruck. I've read a few Arthurian romances where the heroes are pure and chaste and chivalrous and do craaay-zay things for love, and I've found almost all of them to be boring. But Kinsale gives us a knight who's pure and chaste and rigidly honourable and Chivalrous with a capital C - but blends it all with realistic motivation and heartwrenching pain. He may look perfect on the outside, but inside he's always praying for forgiveness and doing penance and doubting himself. He has a backstory just as complicated as Melanthe's that, also like the princess's, we only discover by bits and pieces to flesh out the story.

He also manages to be a controlled, strong, and confident character without being a stereotypical Alpha male. While he takes charge in dangerous situations, he always defers to Melanthe - not because he wants to, but because it's his job. I reveled in his clashes and confrontations with Melanthe - while both characters seem to be polar opposites (he is honourable and honest, she is cunning and calculating) at heart they are both control freaks who have built their lives around strict forms of discipline to protect themselves from the tumult all around them. Ruck clings to his code of honour and to God, in theory to keep himself from sinning, but really to protect himself from falling headfirst in love with a woman who could very well abandon him as Isabelle, his wife, did.

Melanthe, meanwhile, clings to cunning and deceit, always dodging, evading, always on the emotional and intellectual move. She's a spiritual nomad - always keeping herself in a state of intrigue and flux because it leaves her with options and exit strategies. Even as their romance blossoms, she always remains on the alert, always suspicious of treachery. Trusting Ruck is enough of a trial, at least at first.

One pivotal scene that really struck me about her character is when Melanthe finally meets Ruck's unique serving staff who have protected his estate. Melanthe gets on their bad side by identifying their seeming incompetence for what it is (actual incompetence), and immediately jumps to all sorts of conclusions regarding possible treachery - did they screw up Ruck's chance of inheritance on purpose? Are they whispering poisonous things about me to Ruck behind my back? What's their angle? This scene alone demonstrates so much about her character. She's spent so much of her life dodging shadows that she looks for them everywhere just to survive, and I couldn't blame her, even though in this case Ruck's staff are innocent of her imagined crimes.

I'm sorry if this review is getting a little long, but this book was just marvellous and jam-packed with detail on nearly every level. I'll try to trim it down. Did I mention that this book uses a lot of Middle English, particularly in dialogue, to the point where Kinsale has to provide a glossary, but she still manages to convey lively wordplay that flows smoothly and is understandable? Did I mention that she manages to find an understandable (and incredibly funny) excuse for Ruck's awareness of foreplay and sexual pleasuring despite being chaste for more than a decade? Did I mention all of the historical detail, all the epic battle scenes with lances and swords and armour described with lavish paragraphs? Did I mention how even the secondary characters and their lives are well developed and morally grey? Did I mention the gorgeous language and writing style of Laura Kinsale? DID I?

*pants* I still suspect I'm leaving out some crucial aspect of Laura Kinsale's awesomeness, but there you go. I enjoyed this book from beginning to end. She creates a fantastic, fully-realized and original setting that serves as the glittering stage upon which a slow, subtle, and truly mesmorizing romance takes place between two very flawed, damaged, and beautiful people. I used to think chivalric romances really only worked in short format, because if stretched too long the story appeared stylized and unrealistic. But I used to think that way about fairy tales too, until authors like Robin McKinley rewrote them into gorgeous novels. Laura Kinsale manages to convey all the sweeping, epic grandeur, as well as the heartstopping romance, by keeping all the elements of a chivalric romance while at the same time shoring them up with historical detail, motivation and characterization that lends it depth, grace, and realism.

I've found myself another favourite author.
A+.