Veronica Mars 1x13: "Lord of the Bling"

The Mystery: What happened to Yolanda Hamilton?

When gangsta rap impresario Bone Hamilton's daughter goes missing, he goes to Keith Mars for help.   Thanks to his thug-life past, he and the police aren't on good terms and hopes he'll find a sympathetic ally in Keith.

Unbeknownst to Bone and Keith, Veronica has a much more personal stake in the case - a long time ago, she and Bones' daughter Yolanda used to be friends with Lilly Kane. That is, until last year when Veronica caught Logan kissing Yolanda at a party. Despite Yolanda's protestations that she never invited Logan's attentions, Lilly cut her off completely and Veronica, out of BFF loyalty, followed suit. Now that Veronica's felt the sting of outcast status herself, she hopes to mend fences by making sure Yolanda's okay.

Unfortunately, Bone Hamilton is Not A Very Nice Man, and his list of enemies runs a mile long - from his brilliant scientist son Bryce, whom Bones considers a disappointment because he's too "soft;" to the rapper Dime Bag who signed with Bone after Bone dangled him out of a window to help him decide; to his former lawyer Sam Bloom, who was left paralyzed from a drive-by shooting two days after his testimony sent Bone to prison for tax evasion.

After Keith's and Veronica's hunches turn up no substantial leads, Bone finally receives a ransom note and decides to try and inflict his own personal brand of justice on the kidnappers.

Meanwhile, Logan and Aaron Echolls are dealing with the fallout of Lynn Echolls' apparent suicide. Aaron takes his wife's death surprisingly hard, and ultimately decides to retire from acting after his agent tries to pressure him about business during his wife's funeral. Logan, on the other hand, seems almost blasé - making sarcastic jokes and asides to the guests. When Duncan finally calls him on it, Logan admits he doesn't feel grief because his mother's not dead.

Apparently, she left behind a treasured cigarette lighter from her father engraved with the words "Free At Last," despite the fact that she's never gone a day without it. Logan believes his mother faked her own death to escape their sham of a lifestyle and left the lighter as a clue. To prove this, he approaches Veronica at the end of the episode to enlist her help in finding his mother.

Whodunnit: Yolanda wasn't kidnapped - she eloped with Ben Bloom, the son of her father's nemesis Sam Bloom. They grew up together and fell in love and refuse to have anything to do with their fathers' feud. It was Bryce who arranged things after their elopement to make it look like a kidnapping, and he was also behind the ransom demand - all of it done to prove to his father that he's not nearly as "soft" as he seems.

Awesome Things:

• Finally, an opportunity to solve a crime using rubber duckies!
• Anthony Anderson - I am in awe of this actor. He started out as this shlubby lame comedian but he's managed to transition into such convincingly menacing parts (for an even more hardcore example, see his season-long stint on The Shield)
• Keith Mars on painkillers
• Duncan's priceless "time to call the men in white coats" expression when Logan explains his theory that his mother faked her own death. 

Less-Awesome Things:

• Aaron Echolls' mind games. The creepiest thing about this episode is that Aaron looks like he really believes all the ways he's rewritten family history to make himself look like a victim, instead of an abusive asshole. 
• Logan's crumbling facade - Jason Dohring is one of the most effective yet understated actors on the show. This whole episode he puts on this bland mask of sarcasm, but you just know that he's a ticking timebomb waiting for the merest breath of wind to explode in someone's face. 

Lilly Kane Case Files

• We don't learn anything new in regards to Lilly's murder, but we do get some hints that Lilly wasn't always the nicest of people - she was just as capable of being arbitrary and cruel as any other Oh Niner. Veronica was just lucky enough to never wind up on the wrong end of her wrath. 

Veronica Mars 1x12: "Clash of the Tritons"

The Mystery: 1) Who framed Veronica for a sudden rash of fake IDs? 2) Who's leaking pictures of Aaron Echolls' cheatin' ways to the press?

Veronica's used to having her locker subjected to a "random" search, so when she walks up to her locker to find Vice Principal Clemmons and Sheriff Lamb standing beside it, she's unfazed. Apparently, Rick and Ted, two Neptune High students with fake IDs, went on a crazy pub crawl that left Ted in an alcohol-induced coma. Rick, the non-comatose student, told the Sheriff's department that Veronica Mars made their fake IDs and has been distributing bogus driver's licenses all over school.

Unfortunately, when Sheriff Lamb opens her locker and a stack of blank ID cards falls out, Veronica knows she's been set up.

Furious at being publicly arrested in front of the whole school and given a three-day suspension, Veronica confronts Rick and demands the truth. Rick reveals that he was ordered to blame Veronica by the head of the Tritons - Neptune High's very own secret society. Rick and Ted's pub crawl was just one of the many hazing rituals they were asked to undergo to gain entry into the society that only picks the best and the brightest, a society that has the power to destroy any student who stands against it.

Veronica has no idea why the Tritons have it in for her, but she's determined to find out why - especially once Ted's family names her in a multimillion dollar lawsuit. The plot thickens when she discovers Duncan Kane is also being rushed by the Tritons.

Meanwhile, Aaron Echolls, still recovering from being stabbed in the Christmas episode, asks Keith to find out who's been leaking pictures of him with his adulterous affairs to the press. Those affairs are all old news but they're taking a steep emotional toll on his wife and son.

Since she's been suspended for three days, Veronica has a lot of extra time on her hands. When she finds out student counsellor Rebecca James is reconnecting with the students most affected by Lilly Kane's murder, Veronica bugs her office and learns all sorts of dirt. Weevil, for instance, was in love with Lilly and wrote her some vaguely stalkery letters when his feelings weren't reciprocated.

And Logan reveals the real source of his hostility towards Veronica - when Veronica caught him kissing another girl last year and ratted him out to Lilly, Lilly broke up with him just days before her murder. Logan admits he blames Veronica for Lilly's death because if he and Lilly had still been together, he might have been able to protect her. However, he doesn't blame Veronica more than he blames himself.

And lastly, Duncan reveals he's still taking the medication for his "condition" but admits that he has no memory at all of the three days surrounding Lilly's death.

Whodunnit: 1) Rick was actually the one behind the fake ID ring - no Tritons were actually involved in Veronica's frame-up. Despite having a father and two older brothers in the Tritons, Rick was never asked to join. That same Triton father was arrested for embezzling by Veronica's dad last year, ruining his family's standing. So when Rick's shenanigans with Ted got him caught, he decided to kill two Grudge Birds with one Revenge Stone by blaming Veronica, and then siccing her on the Tritons.

He underestimated Veronica Mars, however - not only does she manage to unmask the members of the Tritons, but she uses them and an unsuspecting Sheriff Lamb to clear her name.

2) Lynn Echolls, Aaron's scorned wife, was the one who leaked Aaron's flings to the press because she was tired of his cheating and abuse. When Aaron finds out, he promises to ruin her - if she divorces him, she'll be left with nothing. Lynn flees in tears, gulping how she "can't take it anymore" - and the episode ends with the sheriff's department discovering her empty convertible left idling on a devastatingly high bridge.

Awesome Things:

• Veronica gets a musical number!
• More Logan angst, yessss, we loves Logan character development...
• Okay, so Veronica getting framed and arrested in front of the student body is crappy, but it was interesting to see her encounter the wrong end of the Vengeance Stick for once. Will this affect her "get tough and get even" stance in any significant way?

Less-Awesome Things:

• Sheriff Lamb handcuffing Veronica just because he can. What a dick.
• The Tritons may not have framed Veronica but they did stuff her into the trunk of her car - and did Duncan help?
• Logan's mum. :( 

The Lilly Kane Case Files:

• Weevil had a thing for Lilly, and did not take rejection well.
• Lilly broke up with Logan days before her murder.
• Duncan can't remember the three days surrounding Lilly's death, and is apparently taking medication for an undisclosed medical condition. 

Veronica Mars 1x11: "The Silence of the Lamb"

The Mystery: 1) What's up with Mac's parents? 2) Who is the E-String Strangler?

Veronica is still short on cash, so when a random classmate offers to pay her to dig up dirt on his parents, she obliges. Word gets around, and soon Veronica is running a brisk business on parent-shaming. Not long after, her friend Mac (who cashed in big time with her Purity Test business in "Like a Virgin") asks Veronica to look into her own family - she's always felt like her parents don't really "get" her. They're blond, perky, and clumsy, while she's an introverted, intellectual brunet. Veronica puts out feelers and, sure enough, discovers a doozy of a secret in Mac's past.

Meanwhile, Keith is hired by the sheriff's department on a contract basis when Neptune's very own serial killer, the E-String Strangler, strikes again. This charming fellow kidnaps his drunk party-girl victims, suffocates them over the course of 48 hours, and ties a guitar string around their necks as his signature. Keith worked on this case back when he was a sheriff, so he's the closest thing Neptune has to an expert. Unfortunately, this means teaming up with the pigheaded Sheriff Lamb.

Keith's pain, however, is Veronica's gain - it's the perfect opportunity to return to the sheriff's office to see if she can sneak a peak at the official Lilly Kane case file. It certainly doesn't hurt that the rookie officer on duty - Officer Leo D'Amato - is young, hot, and totally digs her. Using her cuteness, a pizza, and some assistance from Weevil, she distracts Leo enough to steal the Lilly Kane Tip Line tapes from the evidence room.

Whodunnit: 1) Veronica discovers that Mac was switched at birth with the Queen Bee of the Oh Niners - Madison Sinclair.

Everything to do with this mystery was just one giant punch to the heart. Mac is devastated. While she kind of figured she was adopted, she never imagined she could have had - that she should have had - the life of a wealthy Oh Niner. And it's not just the money - when she and Veronica crash Madison's party, she can't help but notice the Sinclair's enormous library, the pictures of all the far-off places they've travelled to, and the adorable little sister who's exactly like her. It doesn't help that all of this wealth is completely wasted on Madison Sinclair, a vapid, selfish twit who "wouldn't know Monet unless Revlon named a nail polish after him."

And what really stings is that this mystery doesn't really have closure. It's not like Mac can simply demand the families switch them back after seventeen years - nor is she cruel enough to tell Madison the truth (although she comes close). She's forced to accept that she's stuck with her non-bio family - and even though they aren't terrible parents, it still kind of sucks. There's a supremely painful moment where she and her biological mother Share an Obvious Moment, but it's clear that nothing can come of it without hurting a lot of other people.

2) Keith discovers the E-String Strangler is Gabe, the owner of a music store who hides his victims in his soundproofed studio.

It's all celebrations and lollipops after that - except for poor Officer Leo. He got a week's suspension because A Certain Cute, Blond Someone left the evidence room unlocked on his shift. Veronica feels awful - especially since she was starting to fall for him. But Lilly's murder takes precedence - Veronica finds the recording of the anonymous caller who turned in Abel Koontz, and with Mac's help, decodes the voice until she recognizes the sultry tones of one Clarence Wiedman - the Head of Security for Kane Software.

Awesome Things:

• Some familiar faces - look! It's Max Greenfield before he became Unbearably Annoying in New Girl! And there's Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul as a pervy peeping Tom.
• Veronica exacting some photographic vengeance on Clarence Wiedman. 
• Officer Leo is a former cop-themed stripper who's now a real cop who also plays drums in a band. Veronica, if you don't lock that one down, I will. 

Less-Awesome Things

• Mac and her mum :(
• While Mac's Mystery is full of delicious painful feels - it also not-so-subtly suggests that Madison Sinclair's trashy horribleness comes from being the biological daughter of trashy lower-class people. Which, just, no. No. Don't do that. 
• Sheriff Lamb is a slutshaming pig who hasn't seen Spinal Tap. But we already knew that.

The Lilly Kane Case Files

• Clarence Wiedman, a Kane Software employee, is the man who called in the anonymous tip implicating Abel Koontz as Lilly's murderer. 

Veronica Mars 1x10: "An Echolls Family Christmas"

The Mystery: 1) Who stole the money from Logan's poker game? And 2) Who's sending threatening letters to Aaron Echolls?

It's the holidays, a time for family, cheer, and high-stakes gambling. Logan's hosting a Yuletide poker game with his pal Duncan, his actor friend Connor Larkin, the new Rich Kid on the Block Sean Friedrich, and, in a Christmas miracle - Weevil. To Logan's consternation, Weevil wins with a pair of twos, but when Logan reluctantly opens the money box to give Weevil his $5,000 in winnings - the money is gone.

Weevil, thinking Logan's conned him, does not take this well. The next day, several of the poker players discover their valuables have been stolen - including Duncan's laptop. Weevil hints that these items might miraculously reappear once he gets his rightfully-owed winnings, and Veronica becomes involved when Duncan admits that he kept a diary on his laptop with explicit details of their relationship.

Five thousand dollars, five suspects, and money that shouldn't have left the Echolls house. How will Veronica solve it?

Meanwhile, Logan's mother Lynn Echolls approaches Keith Mars because she's afraid her husband Aaron might have a serious stalker - he's always receiving threatening or creepy letters but one of them was left in the breakfast room of their own house. Her famous Christmas party is in a few days, which will flood their house with guests and caterers.

As you can probably tell from the episode's title, this episode is a clever character study of the two Echolls men - Logan and Aaron. At first, everyone suspects Logan of hiding the winnings because he's a shithead - even Duncan, who stops talking to him. It's in this episode that we get our first inkling that Logan wasn't always a self-absorbed jackass.

I always wondered how he, Duncan, and even Veronica could have ever been friends but we learn that Lilly's murder warped him just as much as it did Veronica. Only instead of becoming focused and internal like her, he became a hedonistic ne'er do well who acts like he doesn't care about anything. But when your best friend believes you're douchey enough to steal a guy's poker winnings, that's a pretty obvious sign that you've taken your "callow asshole" act too far.

And as for Aaron - well, we already know he's an awful person and this episode just piles more poop-flavoured ice cream on top of the shit sundae of his character.

Whodunnit: 1) Sean Friedrich stole the money by slipping it into his drink bottle and picking it up when it was thrown out for recycling. He lives in the most expensive house in the Oh Niner zip code and gets chauffeured to school in a town car, but Veronica discovers he's a scheming fraud - his father isn't the mansion's owner, but the mansion's butler.

2) Aaron's stalker was an innocent catering employee who was fired at an earlier function when she accidentally walked in on Aaron cheating on his wife. However, when she turns up at Aaron's Christmas party and stabs him with a vegetable carver, we find out he slept with her, too. Gross.

Everything comes to a head at the Echolls' Christmas Party - Veronica's there to reveal who stole the poker winnings (which she does in return for Logan buying her in to their next poker game), Keith's there to track down the stalker, and the Kanes are there to celebrate with their friends. When Veronica spots Jake Kane at the party, she finally takes the opportunity to get him alone and demand answers for the threatening pictures that were sent to her mother. Jake Kane maintains his innocence, but after this exchange he makes a beeline for his wife, Celeste, and demands, "What did you do?"

Awesome Things:

• Logan and Weevil, together again. Seriously - when's that sitcom coming?
• "Annoy, tiny blonde one - annoy like the wind!"
• Connor Larkin's character - at first we're supposed to think he's a shallow teen actor and drug addict. Turns out he's just a sweet guy with awesome abs who calls Logan out for being a racist. Why don't we get more of him?
• Aaron getting stabbed. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, am I right?

Less-Awesome Things:

• So it was Celeste Kane who had Clarence Wiedman send the gunsight pictures to Leanne Mars? Could she get any more horrible? 
• Duncan keeps a diary. Oh come on, dude. 
• Keith's face when he spots Veronica and Jake Kane fighting. I'm not sure what he's thinking but it can't be good.

The Lilly Cane Case Files:

• Nothing for it in this episode.

"Everything and the Moon," by Julia Quinn (Avon, 1997)

The Chick: Victoria Lyndon. A young vicar's daughter who fell in love with an earl - until he abandoned her when she wouldn't put out.
The Rub: When she meets him seven years later at a houseparty, can she resist her still-burning attraction to him?
Dream Casting: Anne Hathaway.

The Dude: Robert Kemble, Earl of Macclesfield. A privileged, wealthy jackass who dumped the love of his life on a foolish pretext.
The Rub: Can he treat her badly and hold her captive long enough for the Stockholm Syndrome to kick in?
Dream Casting: Matthew Goode.

The Plot:

Robert: I love you for no reason!

Victoria: Same! Let's elope!

Evil Dads: Nooooooope!

Seven Years Later

Robert: I'm going to get you fired because I still think you're a dirty whore.

Victoria: *fired*

Robert's Dad: Actually, she wasn't a whore!

Robert: Dammit! Let's get married, Vicky!

Victoria: How about fucking NO.

Robert: How about I kidnap you until you say yes?

Victoria: NO! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! LET ME GO!

Robert: .... but have I mentioned that I'm not a rapist?

Victoria: Why didn't you say so? Take me! Take me, you consent-obtaining fool!

Robert: Hooray!

Romance Convention Checklist:

• 1 Instance of Love at First Sight
• 2 Inconveniently Dead Mums
• 2 Sort of Evil But Mostly Just Practical Dads
• 1 Big Misunderstanding
• 3 Rape Attempts
• 1 Murder Attempt
• 1 Sleazy Nightgown
• 1 Unlawful Abduction
• 1 Batch of Oysters

The Tweets: I Storified my tweets here.

The Word: If you've been reading my tweets for the last week, you'll have deduced by now that I didn't quite care for this novel.

So, you may be asking, just how bad was Everything And the Moon? Let's just say it made me rethink my reaction to Whitney, My Love.

Don't get me wrong, Whitney is still a hot misogynist rapey mess - but at least it never tried to be cute and fluffy about being a hot misogynist rapey mess. Everything and the Moon fails on two different levels, thanks to the two different halves of the story.

The novel opens on our protagonists' meet cute. She's a 17-year-old vicar's daughter. He's a 24-year-old earl. They fall in love in a day Just Because - but since it's Twu Wuv, everyone who opposes their love is Automatically Evil and not, oh I don't know, Legitimately Concerned With Their Mental Health.

Victoria's father fears Robert will only take advantage of her and not marry her because he's an earl, and earls are dicks (he's not wrong).

Robert's father fears Victoria's only after Robert's money and threatens to cut Robert off if he marries Victoria.

So they decide to elope. Unfortunately, Victoria's father catches her sneaking out and ties her up to prevent her from leaving - and of course this is an Evil Act and not a father's Entirely Understandable Objection to his underage daughter's decision to run off with an aristocrat seven years her senior.

When she doesn't show up to their meeting as planned, Robert sneaks over to her house and peeps in the window. Seeing her lying in bed under a blanket, apparently asleep (although he never calls out to her or tries to wake her up in any way), he jumps to the flimsiest of conclusions and assumes she's a Gold-Digging Whore. Because he's a moron.

Victoria frees herself the next day and rushes over to Robert's mansion to explain herself - only it's too late. Robert's fled to London, leaving his asshole dad to give her the "sorry you were a booty call" speech. Woe is her!

Cut to seven years later. Victoria is now a Professional Governess of Terrible Children, and Robert's just earned his Ph.D in Jaded Rake Studies after successfully defending his thesis on Why Women are Good At Touching My Penis But Nothing Else. By sheer coincidence, they wind up at the same house party - Robert as a guest and Victoria as the governess for the host's Terrible Child.

Thanks to the Big Misunderstanding, they still hate each other. However, it's not enough for Robert to see his slutty ho ex forced to slave as a governess. No, he still feels the need to pee on her dreams, if only to mark his territory - so he decides to seduce her into bed and then get her fired for it.

Robert is a terrible hero. Sure, he's Dead Inside because his Poor Widdle Heart got broke - but he's still rich. Still powerful. Still in line for a Marquessate. And his ex is a governess - a woman who is already vulnerable, being neither a servant nor a peer. A woman on her own, with no support system, whose life depends on continued employment, regardless of the drudgery required.

And yet Robert's Heart Was Broke - therefore he still feels entitled to personal recompense after seven years. Try to picture any sort of man who would intentionally threaten a woman with poverty and starvation while still claiming the descriptor of "heroic."

So Robert gets all up in Victoria's grill with his sleazy dub-con shenanigans until Victoria is almost raped and murdered (!) by another guest in an interaction that is indirectly Robert's fault. Robert is stricken. Oh God! He never wanted her to die! He just wanted her to have no job or money or reputation and wallow in miserable destitution cursing her whorish ways! 

Robert tries to make it up to her by offering to set up her as his Slutty Gold-Digging Mistress, an offer Victoria rejects for reasons that are super obvious to everyone except for Robert.

I feel bad for Victoria. I really do. She's actually a well-drawn and intelligent heroine - she's smart and self-aware and can stand up for herself. She immediately recognizes that Robert's behaviour is not okay and she shouldn't have to put up with it. When she loses her job anyway, she goes out and gets another one - an even better one. A job she actually enjoys.

Unfortunately, she's still the heroine of this romance novel, which means at some point she's going to wind up touching Robert's penis which will magically make all of her Entirely Reasonable Objections to his behaviour go away.

And here starts the novel's second half, which is (if possible) even worse than the first half. Sometime in between Victoria getting fired (thanks to Robert) and Victoria acquiring better-payiing and Rape-Free employment (no thanks to Robert), Robert finally learns the truth of what happened during their foiled elopement.

In most romance novels, this would lead to pages upon pages of romantic grovelling, involving frequent applications of chocolate, diamonds, romantic gestures, and the hero's apologetic genitals.

However, Robert is only capable of analysing situations in terms of how they meet his own needs, so now that Victoria's cleared of being a Gold-Digging Ho, he can own her without guilt and he goes about trying to force her into marrying him. When the traditional Asking Nicely tactic is meet with a rousing "HELL no" from Victoria (mad props, girl!), Robert's plan B involves stalking her, assaulting her, and eventually abducting her to his own personal unsupervised seaside rape cottage to "pursuade" her into saying yes.

The most infuriating aspect of this second half of the novel is Robert's attitude. He's a moronically oblivious narcissist - he abducts Victoria from her home, locks her in her hotel room, leaves her with no possessions or alternate clothing except for a skimpy nightgown he purchased himself, and remains genuinely baffled when Victoria "unreasonably" continues to try and escape. She won't even try the lotion he bought her to put on her skin!

Robert is such a thinly-drawn character. He and Victoria's Magical First Love is written so lazily and briefly that it never really conveys what sort of a person he is. We're just supposed to assume he's good because the heroine loves him and their First Love was Speshul and Perfect. Only instead of developing Robert's character through his behaviour and treatment of women, Julia Quinn cheats by making literally every other male character who isn't related to the heroine a rapist. We have three - count 'em, THREE! - rape attempts on the heroine from three different dudes.

So apparently Robert is this Amazing Paragon of Manhood because he stops just short of the border to RapeyTown. He can kidnap the heroine to an isolated location, restrict her movements, and deprive her of all agency and resources and still be considered a "good" man because he doesn't try to stick his willie in while doing it. Worse, the narrative supports Robert in this - it implies that Victoria's refusal to marry Robert stems from a character flaw. She's just too hung up on her heartbreak of seven years ago to notice her incredible luck in nabbing the Only Man In Britain who's not a Registered Sex Offender.

Neither protagonist really meshes with the other - Robert is a throwback to McNaughty heroes of yore who Shoot First and Ask Questions Never Because Ladies Can't Be Trusted To Answer Correctly, but Victoria is a surprisingly enlightened and modern heroine. Her attitudes only underscore how awful Robert's are, so her giggly capitulation to Robert's advances doesn't really make much sense.

It's probably a good thing I never read this book first - I'd never have read another Julia Quinn otherwise. And to be fair to Quinn, none of her other books even come close to this level of sexist offensiveness. The worst I could say about her other books is that they can be twee and irritating.

So consider this an aberration in the Julia Quinn canon. A revolting, offensive, rapey aberration.
F+

Veronica Mars 1x09: "Drinking the Kool-Aid"

The Mystery: What's the deal with the Mooncalf Collective?

So - Jake Kane might be Veronica's real dad.

After getting the news, Veronica has herself a good cry, and upchucks a bit once she realizes her ex Duncan might be her half-brother, but then she's back on the case. She tracks down the man who sent her mother threatening pictures of Veronica in a gunsight - his name is Clarence Weedman, and he's head of security for Kane Software.

Is Veronica mad that Jane Kane is responsible for scaring her mother out of town? Nah - Veronica doesn't get mad. She gets even. She decides to find out for sure if Jake Kane's her father - and if she is forced to share genes with him, she'll take him for all he's worth. She buys a paternity test online and tricks Keith into providing a sample.

But while the test is being processed, the Mars family is still broke. Salvation comes in the form of the Gants - Mr. and Mrs. Gant are worried that their teenage son Casey has been bamboozled by a cult known as the Mooncalf Collective. He's moved out of the house, sold his Porsche and given the proceeds to the cultists, but since he's 18, his parents can't do anything. Instead, the Gants want Keith and Veronica to find proof of illegal activity at the Collective, and if they do it soon, there's a nice, juicy $5,000 bonus in it for them.

Veronica susses out the situation at school. True enough, Casey's been acting like a completely different person - a nicer one. Against Keith's warnings, Veronica accepts an invitation to visit the Collective. However, instead of shady secrets and brainwashed child-wives, she only finds a bunch of old-fashioned, naive, but genuinely nice people living in communal harmony - including a down-to-earth girl named Rain. 

Unfortunately, the Gants are growing impatient. Casey's grandmother had a stroke and isn't expected to last out the week - and the Gants just discovered that she made Casey the sole heir of the family fortune. Terrified that he'll sink every cent into the Collective, they've hired a professional deprogrammer and they pressure Keith to get results.

Whodunnit: The only nefarious dealings being done are by the Gants themselves - they've spent years living on Grandma Gant's fortune while calling her "grandmonster" behind her back and neglecting her in the nursing home. They've also known about Grandma Gant's will for over a year - they just never bothered to worry about their son until his proximity to the Collective threatened their trust funds.

Despite this knowledge, the Marses are torn when they do discover unwitting illegal activity on the collective - Rain is actually an underage runaway named Debbie. When his background check reveals her horrifically abusive foster home past, Keith makes a judgement call and doesn't come forward with the information.

However, while the Collective remains safe, Casey winds up kidnapped by his own parents and their deprogrammer after his grandmother's funeral - and arrives at school a few weeks later in a shiny new car, apparently re-programmed into the selfish, privileged Oh Niner he was before.

In case you haven't guessed it, money's a major theme in this episode. We have Veronica, who believes she's rightfully owed a chunk of the Kane fortune for her various sufferings. We have Keith, who pursues the Collective despite his growing misgivings because the Gants are paying him to dig up dirt. And we have Casey's parents, who are maniacally possessive of the Gant fortune despite having done nothing to earn it.

However, Veronica and Keith realize over the course of the episode that some things are more important than money. Keith, once he realizes the Collective are innocent and that runaway Rain is better off there than in the foster system, chooses his morals over the avaricious desires of his paying clients. And Veronica shreds her paternity test results without opening then - while discovering she's a Kane might entitle her to a fortune, it would devastate the amazing, loving man who did raise her.

Awesome Things:

• Keith's excitement over buying Veronica a waterbed at a garage sale. He's just the cutest.
• I love how even though he's furious with Veronica for going to the Collective against his orders, Keith still takes her concerns and findings seriously.

Less-Awesome Things:

• The idea that Veronica might have pulled a Game of Thrones with a boy who just might be her half-brother. 
• The ending. I loved the idea that a privileged Oh-Niner like Casey overcame his own dickishness and achieved personal enlightenment away from the toxic greed of his parents. He was such a sweet guy, to the point where even Veronica was crushing on him. So it's a kind of a huge bummer that he winds up brainwashed back into a jackass. 

The Lilly Kane Case Files:

• Nothing specific this episode - although how would Abel Koontz know about Veronica's true parentage anyway?

Veronica Mars 1x08: "Like a Virgin"

The Mystery: Who posted Meg's false Purity Test? And who started selling them in the first place?

This episode is all about the power of a bad reputation. The shenanigans last year left Veronica with one doozy of a bad name - and no one at school will let her forget it, as she discovers after gym class when her classmates steal her clothes.

Thankfully, Meg Manning takes pity on her and lets her borrow her cheerleading outfit. Against all odds, Meg is popular, blond, wealthy - but also one of the nicest people at Neptune High. She insists on befriending and defending Veronica, despite the advice of her bitchy friends Pam and Kimmy.

Meanwhile, the student body is in a tizzy about an online Purity Test that's been going around - the lower the score, the more of a skank you are. Everyone's taking the test and discussing the results, until a mysterious website appears offering copies of anyone's results for ten bucks a pop.

The next day, Neptune High explodes with drama as everyone's sins and indiscretions are revealed - especially Meg's. She apparently received the lowest score (37%), second only to Veronica herself (14%). Meg's virginal boyfriend dumps her in a jealous rage, her friends abandon her, and suddenly she's the school slut. The only problem? Meg never took that test. Neither did Veronica.

In her quest for the truth, she befriends Cindy "Mac" MacKenzie, a local computer whiz who deduces that whomever posted the false test results for Meg and Veronica would have had to know their Neptune High passwords - since Veronica's password is as uncrackable as she is, she suspects Neptune High's disconcertingly hot French IT guy, Renny.

What I love about this episode how is how it tells us about Veronica's past without explicitly stating it. I mean, we're familiar with how the present Veronica reacts to rumours - she gets tough, she gets even, and she refuses to let it get to her. However, it probably took time for Veronica to evolve to that point of guardedness. Her empathy for Meg's situation indicates that at one point, Girl Good Veronica felt every stab of pain and betrayal that Meg did.

Meanwhile, at Wallace's house, Wallace's mother Alicia Fennel advises her son against pursuing a friendship with Veronica. A new employee at Kane Software, she's heard plenty of gossip about the Mars family and doesn't want that kind of negative influence in Wallace's life. The Fennel family have enough problems to deal with - not least of which is their sleazy tenant Jeremy Masterson. He hasn't paid his rent in two months but his mental instability leaves Alicia unwilling to confront him.

When Jeremy starts trespassing into the Fennel's main house, Wallace turns to the Mars family, but although Keith offers his Super Awesome Detective Services, he is coolly rebuffed by Alicia. However, after Jeremy leaves the gas on in the Fennel house and the police refuse to do anything, Keith Mars takes matters into his own hands in glorious fashion.

Along with tracking the computer hijnks, Veronica's also trying to get in touch with Abel Koontz, the man currently on death row for Lilly's murder. She invents a fake identity and cover story to get in to see him - but Abel Koontz sees right through her, and instead of clearing his name, he drops the mother of all bombshells: Keith Mars isn't Veronica's real dad - Jake Kane is.

Whodunnit: Meg's "friend" Kimmy got Meg's and Veronica's passwords from her secret (and illegal) boyfriend Renny. Kimmy, envious of Meg's success and accomplishments, submitted a fake slutty test under Meg's name in order to steal more of the popularity pie for herself. Thankfully, Veronica manages to snag Kimmy's confession on tape and post it during a public school bulletin, clearing Meg's name.

Although Kimmy posted the fake results, it was actually clever Mac who circulated the Purity Test and created the website in the first place - and she uses the overwhelming profits of her endeavour to buy a snazzy new car.

Awesome Things

• It's the first episode for fantastic recurring character Mac, another member of Veronica's personal Scooby gang. 
• How Keith Mars terrorizes Jeremy into leaving by out-crazying him. 
• Veronica's revenge against Dick Casablancas
• Meg making the choice to remain a sunny, optimistic person - I really enjoyed how the show highlighted the similarities and differences between her and Veronica. While Meg agrees with Veronica's advice that she needs a tougher skin, she decides to keep her positive outlook on life and do away with any grudges. 

Less-Awesome Things

• The bombshell at the end. Gross. Gross. Daddy issues ahoy!
• Slut-shaming - this episode doesn't promote it, not at all, but it does show in pretty harsh detail how easily the double-standard pervades the teenage community. The worst example is when Meg's faithless virgin ex tries to use her test results to bolster his own sexual reputation.  

The Lilly Kane Case Files

• Abel Koontz is intentionally taking the fall for someone - but who? And what could possibly be worth lethal injection?

Veronica Mars 1x07: "The Girl Next Door"

The Mystery: What really happened to Sarah Williams, Veronica Mars' neighbour?

This episode opens on a crime scene already in progress - flashing lights, emergency personnel, and a body being rolled out on a stretcher. In the background, Veronica anxiously waits, feeling horrible and blaming herself for what happened.

So what did happen? The story takes us backwards. Sarah Williams lives above the Marses in their apartment complex - she's young, fragile, very pregnant, and she and her artist boyfriend Andre are always arguing. Sarah asks Veronica to accompany her to a doctor's appointment the next day. Later that day, Veronica overhears Sarah screaming at Andre for telling her estranged mother and stepfather about the baby, and in the middle of the night, Veronica hears a scream and a thump from the apartment upstairs.

When Veronica shows up at Sarah's place the next morning, Sarah is gone, the apartment's a wreck, and her snarky boyfriend appears strangely unconcerned that his pregnant girlfriend's gone missing. Despite her father's insistence that she stay out of it, Veronica's convinced something happened to Sarah, something very bad - especially when Veronica finds out Sarah's baby's not Andre's.

While at school, Veronica winds up finding answers to questions she didn't even know she had - while helping out the alumni association for journalism class, she finds her mother's yearbook and discovers her mother and Jake Kane were Neptune High's It Couple and Prom King and Queen. Could this have anything to do with why Jake was visiting her mom's hotel room back in the pilot episode? Or why his son, Duncan, mysteriously broke up with Veronica the year before?

Meanwhile, in a delightfully unrelated subplot, Weevil and Logan get detention together after bickering during English class. These two dudes, despite their vastly different backgrounds, discover some common ground: they both despise their pretentious asshat English teacher. As revenge, they combine their talents to pull off a brilliant prank that involves their teacher's car and a flagpole - unfortunately, Weevil gets caught and expelled. When Logan finds out Weevil got the boot but refused to name his accomplice, Logan goes to the vice principal and confesses in order to take his punishment like a man. Like a rich white man - by which I mean, he uses bribery and his father's fame to get Weevil reinstated and their punishment marked down. Hooray for using your privilege for good!

Of course, Logan and Weevil share more than just a hatred for literature - as evidenced by the "Lilly" tattoo on Weevil's back.

Whodunnit: But back to the actual mystery - Veronica, after finding Sarah's diary (which had been stolen by her skeezy boss), discovers Sarah ran away from home after being raped and lived in her car for a while before falling in love and moving in with Andre. Using clues from the diary, she tracks down where Sarah's been cooling off and convinces her to come back and see her boyfriend and her parents - who've just arrived from Ohio. Unfortunately, the reunion's not a pleasant one. Tired of running, Sarah finally outs her stepfather as her rapist. Stepdaddy dearest attacks her until he is shot in the shoulder by Keith.

While I really enjoyed the paranoid Hitchcockian nature of this episode, I never really understood why Veronica blamed herself for what happened with Sarah's family. Perhaps Veronica believed she should have allowed Sarah to hide out until her parents left instead of forcing a confrontation with them - but many aspects of this episode indicated how Sarah's evasion of the truth was emotionally unhealthy and damaging to her relationship with Andre. I couldn't help but think Sarah was better off for revealing the truth - now she'll be able to heal her relationship with her mother and restore her romance with Andre.

Awesome Things:

• Well, look at these familiar faces: Oscar nominee Jessica Chastain as Sarah and Chuck's very own General Beckman as a nosy Alumni Association gossip!
• Weevil and Logan are The Cutest together - could we just spin them off into a sitcom where they share a poolhouse in Beverly Hills? Because I would seriously watch the hell out of that. 
• Also - props for Logan growing a conscience and getting Weevil unexpelled.
• Weevil and his PCHers being all adorable and trashing a high-end boutique in order to help Veronica scare answers out of its slimeball owner. 

Less-Awesome Things:

• Veronica's Mom + Duncan Kane's Dad = No Storyline That Anyone Wants Ever
• "A man's gotta be pretty committed to a woman to agree to raise another man's child" - YOU SHUT YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTH, KEITH MARS. SHUT IT. 

The Lilly Kane Case Files:

• Weevil and Lilly had something going on behind Logan's back - and it was serious enough to merit a hugely obvious back tattoo! 

Veronica Mars 1x06: "Return of the Kane"

The Mystery: Who rigged the school elections?

It's Student Council Election time at Neptune High, and Jake Kane wants his son Duncan to run for President. Duncan refuses - to him, all the Student Council does is sell candy and decide on prom decorations.

However, one Neptune student is determined to do more than that. Wanda Varner, a rebellious rocker chick, wants to get rid of Neptune's Pirate Points system. Pirate Points grants students who are "productive" members of the school special privileges, and since you have to be a cheerleader, an athlete, or a member of the council to earn Pirate Points, it's yet another system strongly biased in the wealthy students' favour.

Wanda runs a fabulous campaign, earning her the universal support of the lower-class student body - Veronica Mars included. However, when the votes are tallied, Duncan Kane (whose father entered him in the race without telling him) wins by a landslide. Something doesn't smell right about the election, and Veronica's determined to find out what.

Whodunnit: Popular girl Madison Sinclair sent out false ballot instructions to classes containing students likely to vote in Wanda's favour, tricking them into voting for Duncan. However, Veronica learns that Wanda's a narc who's been ratting out her friends and classmates for years in order to keep her own record clean for college. When another election is held, Duncan Kane wins for real.

As you can tell, the mystery in this episode is pretty easily solved. Instead, interestingly enough, this episode focuses on the relationship between children and fathers. Three fathers are featured in this episode - Keith Mars, Jake Kane, and Aaron Echolls (Logan's movie star father).

Keith Mars is an endlessly loving, supportive, and awesome dad - but he's not above lying or omitting information to protect his daughter. Unbeknownst to him, this is a trait he has passed down to Veronica, but at the end of the episode they finally stop pussyfooting around and admit they've both been looking into Lilly Kane's murder again, especially now that the man convicted of killing her (Abel Koontz) is facing execution.

Jake Kane, despite the suspicions surrounding him in regards to his daughter's death, is also portrayed as a loving father. While he can be manipulative and oblivious, he sincerely worries about his son's apathy and just wants him to get involved and excited about something - so he enters his son's name in the ballot for President. However, it takes Veronica to break Duncan from his neutral stance: "You stand idly by!" she accuses - pointing out how people are cheating and struggling to win an election he doesn't even care about, and just because he doesn't actively participate, doesn't mean he's innocent of what happens. Duncan takes this to heart, and when he wins the second election, he votes to extend the opportunity to win Pirate Points to every student who participates in the arts, clubs, or extracurricular activities.

Aaron Echolls, meanwhile, is a vicious, superficial father. Logan, being a jackass, has been arranging bum-fights for the fun of it, and when he's caught at it, his father is furious - not because Logan's actions were exploitative and cruel, but because it made Aaron look bad. He arranges a photo-op and interview for Logan at a local homeless shelter to repair his image. Logan gets back at his dad by publicly announcing that his father plans to donate half a million dollars to the food bank. He pays for this later when his father comes after him with a belt - after making Logan pick out the belt first, in what is clearly a frequent ritual for this family.

Awesome Things

• The discovery that, at one point, Veronica was on Pep Squad as a teenager. 
• Jane Lynch as the snippy teacher whose student aide rigs the election
• Duncan Kane growing a backbone

Less-Awesome Things

• Logan being abused. Look, it's gross that he paid homeless people to fight in his own personal Hunger Games, so I'm not saying he's an innocent puppy of angst - but man. Getting regularly beaten by your People's Sexiest Man Alive father. That has to suck.

The Lilly Kane Case Files

• Abel Koontz, the disgruntled former Kane Software employee who was convicted of Lilly Kane's murder, fired his public defender, meaning his execution is all but inevitable.
• Koontz was convicted on the evidence that Lilly Kane's shoes were found in his houseboat - and yet those shoes are clearly visible in the crime scene photograph of Lilly's bedroom. 

"The Son," by Philipp Meyer (Ecco, 2013)

The Protagonists:

Eli McCullough: A young boy in 1850s Texas who is captured and then adopted by a Comanche tribe.

Peter McCullough: A member of a prominent ranch family who grows increasingly troubled by his town's anti-Mexican sentiment.

Jeannie McCullough: A young heiress who learns to reject the gender conventions of her time to become a successful oil magnate.

The Word: This was a weird book for me to read. It was a gift from my Amazing Roommate Emily from BEA, part of the goodie bag she received from the Harper Collins party. It sounded like a multigenerational Southern story (which intrigued me), and got an A review in Entertainment Weekly.

The most positive thing I can say about The Son is that it was just interesting enough for me to keep reading, and it taught me a bit about Texas and Native American history. For the most part, however, I was only mildly entertained.

The novel's divided between three different members of the same family over three different time periods, as they try three different methods of amassing wealth. Eli, in the 1860s, is adopted by the same Comanche tribe who butchered his family and burned his homestead. He grows into a ruthlessly practical businessman who learns that every thing anyone owns has to be stolen from someone else.

His son, Peter, runs the now-successful family's cattle ranch in 1915, until some missing cattle give his relatives and countrymen the excuse to murder the neighbouring Mexican landowners and acquire their land. Only Peter seems to recognize the hideousness of what they did, and when he winds up falling in love with the one remaining survivor of the massacre, he has to decide between his family and his morals.

Finally, we have Peter's great-niece Jeannie, the remaining McCullough heir who helps bring the Cullough family into the oil age, defying the conventions imposed on her gender to do so - but at great personal cost as well.

Eli's storyline was interesting, but Peter's was highly repetitive - full of constant self-recriminations and angst at the bloodthirstiness of his peers. Jeannie's was yet another example of Sad, Unsatisfied Rich People Fiction. Honestly, all three characters are so cold and detached, it was difficult to feel invested in any of them. I learned a little bit more about oil, cows, Indians, and why Texans hate Mexico - but about the characters themselves, I feel I learned little.

The description of the setting was vivid, and the history of the area was fascinating (especially when filtered through the McCulloughs' cynical points of view), but without relateable characters, I turned the final page without really feeling like I'd acquired anything worthwhile.
C

Veronica Mars 1x05: "You Think You Know Somebody"

The Mystery: Dude, Where's Troy's Car?

The episode opens with Troy, Logan, and their friend Luke Haldeman, coming back from a wild and crazy weekend in Tijuana. They made it through Border Control in one piece and stop at a diner to refuel. When they come out, the car is gone.

Only it's not Troy's car - it's his father's, and his dear ol' dad is due home in five days. If the car isn't back in the garage by then, Troy's dad is going to send him off to Catholic boarding school in New Mexico, which means no more snuggles for him and Veronica. Well, Veronica can't have that - so it looks like she's on the case.

Troy's not the only one who desperately needs to find that car - as it turns out, Luke used the trip to Mexico to bring steroids over the border for his dealer, and he left his stash (smuggled in a piñata) in the backseat. If he doesn't return the goods to his dealer - a musclebound gorilla named Ziggy - he's in for a world of horrific but karmically-appropriate pain.

With Weevil's help, Veronica tracks the car to a chop shop to find the car's already been fenced - but the piñata was taken by one of the chop employees for his niece's birthday party. Veronica crashes the party only to discover the piñata's full of nothing but delicious candy - whoever stole the car made off with the drugs as well. Looks like Luke will just have to pay off his dealer the old-fashioned way.

Along with all this, Veronica also has to grapple with a pretty big personal bombshell: upon finding the key to a safety deposit box in her mother's things, she discovers someone mailed her mom several pictures of Veronica in the crosshairs of a gunsight. After eight months of believing her mother walked out on them due to the loss of status, the idea that her mother might have fled to protect her throws Veronica for a loop. Especially now that her dad's back in the dating game - with her school counsellor, no less.

Veronica doesn't know how to react but neither does she want her dad worrying about those threatening pictures, so instead, she digs up dirt on the counsellor in an attempt to break them up. Keith confronts her and they get into a loud, anguished argument - it's an extremely heartbreaking scene, because it reveals that, for all Veronica's no-nonsense bluffing, she's still not ready to move on from the tragedy that split her family. Keith, being the World's Best Dad, realizes this and breaks it off with the guidance counsellor anyway.

He also goes and performs a background check on Troy, giving the results to Veronica in an envelope, leaving the choice to look at them up to her.

Whodunnit: Troy arranged to have his own car stolen and made off with Luke's drugs as well. As Veronica discovers, he's got a record for drug possession and trafficking a mile long - and a sexy partner in crime named Shawna to boot. After his dad puts him in a cab to take him to Catholic school, he simply pays the driver to take him back to that same diner from the beginning of the episode. There, he recovers the drugs and the car he'd hidden and makes his great escape.

However - while he may have escaped Catholic school, he didn't escape the wrath of Veronica Mars scorned. When he opens his stash, he discovers only cheap Mexican candy. Meanwhile, when Luke's dealer Ziggy tries to run another shipment of drugs, he discovers Veronica faxed his picture and description to the American border authorities.

Awesome Things

• Leanne Mars isn't a deadbeat mum after all! At least, not completely. She even reaches out to Veronica with an untraceable cell phone and leaves a heartwarming message - as well as a plea to not try and find her. 
• Keith Mars is still the World's Best Dad. He lets the guidance counsellor down gently, because he recognizes that Veronica's not ready for their band of two to admit another person. 
• We (and Weevil!) learn that Veronica speaks fluent Spanish. 

Less-Awesome Things

• Yes, Troy turned out to be a turd, leaving Veronica single again. I've been reading a lot of discussion on this topic lately and this theory stood out: in his first episode, Troy acted like he didn't believe the rumours about Veronica - but maybe he sought her out in the first place because the rumours told him that Veronica was a trashy slutty bad girl, just his type. Which is still kind of depressing.

The Lilly Kane Case Files

• In a flashback, Veronica's mother acts appalled when Veronica reveals she's dating Duncan Kane. What does Leanne Mars have against the Kane family?

Veronica Mars 1x04: "The Wrath of Con"

I already knew from the pilot episode that Veronica Mars was a great show - but it was "The Wrath of Con" that convinced me it was the best show. I remain in awe of how well this one episode balances a complex mystery, important flashbacks, the pressures of the homecoming dance, and the development of so many characters all at once.

The Mystery: who bilked Wallace's crush out of six thousand dollars?

Remember all those favours Veronica asked Wallace for in the last couple of episodes? Wallace comes to collect when Georgia, the fellow office aide he has a crush on, gets conned out of six thousand dollars by a version of the Nigerian Prince scam. Veronica cracks the case, but it takes four disguises (one for Wallace), two uses of the World's Best Dad, a bobby pin, a bugging device, half an hour with a screw driver and a mini-fridge full of Red Bull.

It's easily one of the trickiest and time-consuming cases Veronica's had yet - and that's not even half the episode. The other half involves the upcoming Homecoming dance. Troy asks Veronica to be his date, and Veronica accepts - but she can't help remembering her last Homecoming Dance. This was back when Lilly was still alive, Duncan was still her boyfriend, and she, Duncan, Lilly, and even Logan were all friends. It was easily one of the best nights of her life - and she worries that any other experience will only pale in comparison.

This year for Homecoming, the Kane family has planned a service before the event in order to dedicate the Lilly Kane Memorial Fountain to Neptune High. Logan's editing the memorial video, but the only footage he's got to work with are cutesy family videos from choir recitals, ballet classes, and pony rides. In a rare moment of agreement, both Veronica and Logan realize this is Celeste Kane's attempt to retcon her wild, disobedient daughter into the picture-perfect daughter she wished she had - so Veronica gives Logan the videos taken during their Homecoming night.

And the memorial service winds up being one long delicious scene of feels. The video starts off with a young Lilly at horseback riding lessons and playing with dolls, but then it shows Lilly as who she really was - a lively, reckless party girl popping champagne, mooning other drivers from her limo and living life to the fullest. The people who really knew and appreciated Lilly clearly enjoy this video more - including her father Jake Kane, who grins in amazement before breaking down in tears. Even Veronica and Logan share a moment of happy remembrance of Lilly. Most surprising of all: Weevil's seen wiping away tears as he watches from the back.

Veronica does end up having a nice Homecoming with Wallace, Georgia, and Troy, and remembers that there are other ways to keep the memory of Lilly Kane alive - Lilly was always encouraging her to break out of her shell, try new experiences, and take more risks, and Veronica keeps this in mind when she stops the limo to try skinny-dipping for the first time.

Whodunnit: The dudes who scammed Georgia and dozens of other gullible teens are a pair of college students known on campus as the Silicon Mafia. Brilliant computer programmers, their dorm is full of high tech security and the last guy who pissed them off got put on academic probation when his GPA "mysteriously" dropped from a 3.8 to a 1.4. They've been using the proceeds of their scams to fund their brilliant new video game - until Veronica steals their hard drives, destroys their backups, and reports them to the FBI.

Awesome Things

• Angsty Logan. Logan's been such a jackass that it's hard to believe he and Veronica used to share the same circle of friends - but we get a glimpse of this as they both mourn the loss of Lilly. 
• "So you don't mind then that I cancelled your reservation at the Four Seasons?" A word to the wise, Troy - don't try to pull one over on your girlfriend's dad when he tracks criminals for a living. 
• Lilly Kane - we know she was Veronica's best friend, but it's this episode where we see just what an amazing, awesome person she was, and how big a hole she left with her death. 
• Jake Kane's reaction to Lilly's memorial video - I know we're supposed to suspect this guy because Keith Mars lost his job over it, but his struggle between joy and sadness was fascinating to watch. 

Less-Awesome Things:

• Celeste Kane. She's THE WORST. The epitome of the double standard, she worships her son and heir and castigates her daughter even when they're both caught drinking past curfew. 

The Lilly Kane Case Files:

• Why was Weevil crying at Lilly Kane's memorial service?

Veronica Mars 1x03: "Meet John Smith"

The Mystery: Where is Justin's Dad, John Smith?

Justin, a young video store clerk (ah, the halcyon days of the early 2000s...) develops a crush on the mysterious Veronica Mars who goes to his school. His friends insist he's way too young and uncool to score a babe like her, but Justin has a plan. Veronica's dad's a PI, right? He'll just pretend he needs help finding his deadbeat dad and enlist her skills. Sure, his dad's been dead for years - but it'll take weeks for Veronica to figure that out. After all, his name is John Smith.

Unfortunately, Justin falls victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is, "Never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well-known is, Never underestimate Veronica Mars. When Veronica sends out a series of letters to John Smiths in the area - one person actually responds. As it turns out, Justin's dad is alive. Now Justin has to convince a very pissed-off Veronica to continue the case.

But Veronica's got enough on her plate. Digging up Justin's dad wakes up her own issues regarding her absentee mom. Using the license plate number she nabbed in the pilot episode, Veronica's tracked her mother to Arizona, although she's not sure she wants or is ready to contact her yet. On top of that, Veronica's taking tentative romantic steps with Troy, even though she's still not completely over her relationship with Duncan.

As for Duncan, it turns out he's been on anti-depressants since his sister Lilly's murder, and he chooses this week to go completely cold turkey on them. Yeah, Duncan's not the smartest guy ever. His behaviour becomes erratic, he nearly cracks his skull open jumping recklessly off the bleachers, and he has sex dreams about Veronica while he's with other girls. Looks like he's not over Veronica, either.

The kicker? He starts hallucinating about his dead sister. Aaaaaaand it's time to go back on the pills!

Whodunnit: Veronica discovers why Justin's dad's been so hard to find - she's now a transwoman named Julia living in San Diego, a woman Justin recognizes as a frequent visitor to his video store. Justin reacts very badly, but as Veronica's driving him home, she points out that his dad regularly travels ninety miles every week just to see him for a few seconds at the video store. Justin soon changes his mind and calls his father to arrange a time to meet.

"Meet John Smith" isn't my favourite episode - mainly because there's an increased focus on Duncan, who is about as exciting as a block of mozzarella cheese. However, it's also a very emotional, introspective episode. Veronica has very conflicted feelings about her mother - she's extremely bitter about her abandonment, but she also misses her mother - and this, in turn, makes her angrier. She doesn't want to feel anything for the woman who walked out on them.

"The hero is the one who stays, and the villain is the one who splits" - she takes comfort from that black and white statement. Her father advises her that that's not a healthy mindset, but Veronica coldly points out it's healthier than pining away for a wife who's been gone for eight months - as Keith has done. Both Keith and Veronica then start taking more active steps to deal with their unresolved issues with Mrs. Mars - Keith begins a flirtation with Veronica's guidance counsellor, and Veronica stiffens her upper lip and drives to Arizona.

There, unfortunately, she discovers her mother has already skipped town - but uncovers clues that indicate her mother may be hiding for a very good reason.

Awesome Things

• I really liked how they showed Justin's transwoman father as a successful professional in a loving relationship. 
• All dramatic irony aside, Troy is absolutely adorable to Veronica in this episode and takes being let down like a champ. But keep watching.

The Lilly Kane Case Files

• Nothing new to report in this episode - although a bloody Lilly does make an appearance in one of Duncan's hallucinations

Veronica Mars 1x02: "Credit Where Credit's Due"

It's Friday night in Neptune, and Wallace wants to know if there are any parties going down. Veronica, drawing on her own experiences in the popular group, explains to him about the Oh-Niners - the super-rich kids who all live within the prestigious 90909 area code - and their penchant for keeping "undesirables" away from their parties by sending out invitations in code.

We cut to one such beach party in full swing, hosted by Logan Echolls and his new girlfriend, Caitlin Ford - played by Obligatory Celebrity Cameo Paris Hilton, whose acting ranks a notch above a Thunderbirds marionette. Their party is crashed by Weevil and his gang who are pissed that the rich kids have annexed their beach for their own amusement. The two alpha males trade barbs, mainly about how Weevil's grandmother is Logan's family's housekeeper, before the party is crashed a second time by Sheriff Lamb. Yeah, if Sheriff Lamb can figure you out, you might want to rethink the effectiveness of those "secret coded invitations," Oh-Niners.

Weevil thinks he's had the last laugh - until the next day, when his grandmother is arrested for credit card fraud against the Echolls family.

The Mystery: who framed Weevil's grandmother for credit card fraud?

Of course, everyone thinks Weevil really did it - even Veronica, initially. But Weevil's situation reminds Veronica that her own scandalous reputation isn't entirely true to life, either. It certainly helps that a cute new boy named Troy (played by Aaron Ashmore) seems determined to ignore the advice of his popular friends when it comes to getting to know her better.

Upon examination of attendance records (thanks to Wallace's new position as an office aide), Veronica discovers Weevil's innocence just as he's confessing in order to get his granny off the hook - because if you haven't already guessed it, Weevil's a Good Egg. Now Veronica has to work double time to get Weevil out of jail, all the while working on an extra-credit assignment for the school paper that just so happens to involve spending an uncomfortable amount of time sharing a car with her ex, Duncan Kane.

Yeah, this episode has a lot of SHARE SEXUAL TENSION WITH *ALL* THE MALE CHARACTERS for Veronica - flirting with Troy, car trips with Duncan the Ex, deep thoughts with Weevil, and sassy bickering with Logan (oh, just you wait!). It's the episode that launched a Thousand Fanfics.

And yet, this episode is also an examination of loyalty. Not only about Weevil's loyalty to his grandmother or Sheriff Lamb's broken loyalty to Keith Mars, but what it takes to prove or disprove that loyalty. Veronica adores her father (and rightfully so!), but spends time reflecting on how much she lost when she chose to side with her father instead of her friends when he accused Jake Kane of Lilly's murder - what if her father was wrong, after all? And what might her life might have been like if she'd made a different choice?

Whodunnit: Weevil's cousin Chardo ripped off the Echolls in order to impress Caitlin Ford, who's been cheating on Logan with him the whole time. Neither the 09ers nor the PCHers are particularly forgiving folk - Chardo gets (literally and violently) kicked out of the gang, and Caitlin is shunned by the upper echelons of Neptune High society.

Awesome Things:

• This is the first episode in which we meet the Most Aptly Named Character in the World, Dick Casablancas. 
• Veronica and Keith teaming up to bamboozle a hotel clerk into handing over credit card information. They are so precious, you guys. 
• Sheriff Lamb getting schooled by Keith and Veronica - on two separate occasions. 

The Lilly Cane Case Files:

• While driving back from the assignment, Duncan and Veronica are pulled over and Duncan's car impounded thanks to a number of outstanding unpaid parking tickets incurred by Lilly Kane before her death. Lilly's last ticket was issued when she ran a red light at 6:00 pm on the night of her murder - a full two hours after her official time of death on the report. 

Veronica Mars 1x01: "Pilot"

Now that I finished season two of Downton Abbey, I figured I would wait awhile before punishing myself with season three (oh Thomas, you romantic, delusional fool...). But what show could I watch and recap next? Well, with the news that the Veronica Mars movie has started production, I figured I would go back and rewatch the beloved show's brilliant first season.

Now, I'm going to try and do these recaps a little bit differently. My recaps for Downton Abbey could take a while to finish, to the point where I wasn't watching the season as I quickly as I wanted to. I'm going to try to go for a more streamlined format with VM - they'll still be funny and analytical, but I'll try more to capture the general story of the episode rather than a blow-for-blow recounting of everything. Also - I'll provide the answers to the mysteries under a Whodunnit label, so those of you who don't want to be spoiled can skip over it, as well as updates on the season's ovearching mystery regarding who killed Lilly Kane, listed under The Lilly Kane Case Files.

The Mystery: How can Wallace avoid reprisals from the PCHers? Who is Jake Kane visiting at the Camelot Hotel?

I love the pilot of this show, because it's essentially about two Veronicas - Before Veronica and After Veronica. The Veronica we meet first is tough, smart, and extremely cynical. She lives in a cheap apartment complex in the privileged town of Neptune with her father, Keith Mars, who makes a living (barely) catching bail jumpers and doing private investigation work.

Unbeknownst to the general public, Veronica Mars helps her father with his investigations (such as tailing town billionaire Jake Kane to a motel to see who's his cheating on his wife with) a type of work that would have hardened her heart against sentiment if the previous year of her life hadn't already done so. That Veronica used to have friends, a boyfriend (Duncan Kane, son of Jake), a home with a father and a mother, and a belief that the world is generally a decent place.

All of that changed when her friend, Lilly Kane (and Duncan's sister), was brutally murdered. When her father (then the town sheriff) accused Lilly's beloved and wealthy father Jake Kane, the town of Neptune turned against them. Keith lost his job. Veronica lost her mother when she walked out on them, then the rest of her popular friends, and finally her virginity after being roofie'd at a party.

The present-day Veronica now knows how the bread is buttered in Neptune - a town "with no middle class," where you're either a millionaire or you work for one, where if you have enough money you can get away with anything - even murder. Now Veronica works alone, trusting no one except for her father (who is AWESOME) and her trusty pitbull, Backup.

One day, she goes to school to see the new kid, Wallace Fennel, duct-taped to the flagpole, and instead of pointing and laughing like her peers, she cuts him down. Wallace, it turns out, has been marked for punishment by the PCHers, a local motorcycle gang, after he got a couple of their crew arrested for shoplifting from his store. Veronica goes to the PCHers' leader, the charismatic Weevil, and offers him a deal: if they lay off on bullying Wallace, she'll find a way to get his gangmates off the hook.

And Veronica truly does find an ingenious way to free Weevil's gangmates - better still, it involves shaming Sheriff Don Lamb (the vain, petty bully who took over after her father was ousted from his position) and Logan Echolls (Lilly's spoiled asshole boyfriend and foremost among Veronica's tormentors). Best of all, however, she realizes Wallace isn't going to let her off the friendship hook that easily - and she makes an interesting ally in Weevil.

It was fascinating to observe how different the Past Veronica was from the Present Veronica. While her life is certainly more difficult, is Present Veronica a better or worse person than the innocent girl she was a year ago?

Whodunnit? 1. Veronica finds a way to replace the surveillance tape of Weevil's homeboys stealing with footage of the sheriff's department getting special "favours" from a shady strip joint in return for a liquor license. 2. After running a license plate, Veronica discovers Jake Kane was visiting her mother Leanne Mars at a motel room.

The Lilly Kane Case Files:

• Keith Mars has apparently been keeping the Lilly Kane case alive - some of his notes are only months old. 

Downton Abbey Holiday Special: "Merry Christmas Everyone - Except Bates. And Lavinia."

Well, the second day of July seems like the perfect day to stay home and celebrate with a nice Christmas special, doesn't it?

Here I am, during the hottest day of summer (so far), sitting next to my fan, sipping cold drinks, and watching Rich White British people snip at each other.

It's Christmas at Downton, and things are bleak - unsurprisingly. Mary is still engaged to Sir Richard, who's turned into quite the pompous ass. Bates is still in prison, with his trial date set for soon in the New Year. And Rosamund, Gratham's Bitchy Sis, is back in residence - bringing Lord Hepworth, her aristocratic suitor, and Marigold Shore, her new lady's maid.

One upside? Sanctimonious Sybil and Butthole Branson are still in Ireland so we don't get to see any of them at all, outside of a written notice that Sybil is preggers. Grantham looks suitably grossed out at the news, as should anyone thinking about Sybil and Branson actually having sex.

During Downton Abbey's traditional New Year's shooting party, Sir Richard proceeds to lose his shit at Mary for dithering on with Matthew instead of him, and he has pretty much every reason to be pissed except for the small matter of his continuing to blackmail Mary with her sex-murdering shenanigans. Both Grantham and Matthew are concerned at Sir Richard's behaviour and can't understand why Mary remains with him.

Grantham, demonstrating a rare show of good sense, goes to Cora to see if he's missing something and finally learns the truth about the Dead Rapey Turk and he wastes no time in confronting Mary directly with it. Aw man, this scene. Grantham was a royal douchebag this season but this one scene redeems him almost completely.

First of all, when Mary asks if he's disappointed with her, Grantham replies that he's not the only Crawley to make a mistake. I'm guessing he means Handy Housemaid Jane, in which case, YES. EXACTLY. The fact that Grantham doesn't hold Mary to a higher standard, and uses his own fuck-ups to empathize with her, is perfect. Probably not historically accurate, but Downton Abbey isn't precisely picky about anachronisms.

Second, he tells Mary that the she deserves better than a man who threatens her with ruin. Again - YES. I've hated the Rapey Turk storyline from the start, and my hatred for that storyline has grown exponentially every time it's reared its ugly head this season to threaten Mary's happiness. Because what happened to Mary was rape - Pamouk broke into her room and threatened her with exposure if she cried out or resisted. Mary was attracted to Pamouk and may have wanted sex with Pamouk, but the scene made it clear that this was not how she wanted to have it and she had little opportunity to say no. And yet, ever since, she's blamed herself for what happened and it's clear she considers herself damaged, soiled, sullied by that experience.

This distraught scene between Grantham and Mary establishes what I suspected all along - that Mary stayed with Sir Richard partly to preserve her reputation, but also because she believes she doesn't deserve a reputation or true happiness. The fact that her father can accept what happened to her - even from the 1920s historical perspective which would have put the blame on her - and still insist that she deserves happiness is wonderful. All is forgiven, Grantham!

Mary also finds the courage to tell Matthew about it - Matthew reacts a little more traditionally, but realizes there's nothing he needs to forgive Mary for since her sex life is none of his business. How enlightened!

Worse news lies ahead, however - it's time for Bates' trial and O'Brien, Mrs Hughes and Grantham are all called as witnesses for the prosecution. None of them, not even O'Brien, want Bates to hang but they can't lie under oath and their recollections of past events don't paint Bates in a very innocent light. The jury soon finds him guilty and the judge sentences him to death by hanging.

Anna is distraught at the news - and furious at her coworkers - but there's very little that can be done. She realizes she cannot work at Downton anymore and decides to resign and travel to New York, to accompany Mary as she rides out the inevitable scandal when she breaks off her engagement to Sir Richard.

Sir Richard takes this news about as well as can be expected - which is to say, extremely poorly, resulting in ridiculously clumsy fisticuffs between him and Matthew. What? No duelling pistols at fifty paces? Mary does try to exchange a few decent words with him before he leaves - because she's classy, and also because, blackmailing aside, Mary had been leading Sir Richard on a merry chase through her garden of Denial.

Finally, though, the characters receive some good - or at least better - news: Bates' sentence has been commuted to life imprisonment. Okay, so it still sucks, but at least now they have time to prove him innocent. Onward to season 3?

Now that Bates is no longer going to swing, Downton Abbey goes ahead with its Servants' Ball. Thomas gets to dance with Bad Ass Mutha Violet and Edith, Daisy asks for a promotion, and Matthew finally gets over his Martyr Angst and asks Mary to marry him. FINALLY.

Random Christmasy Subplots

• Edith attempts to reconnect with Lord Anthony Strallan, but he shoots her down on account of him being Super Old and with a Dead Arm to boot. 
• Thomas kidnaps Isis in an attempt to "rescue" her and gain enough of Grantham's gratitude to win the new valet position. He puts her in a shed, only to return to find it empty. He makes such a mess of trying to get her back that Grantham mistakes him for Sincerely Concerned and he gets the promotion anyway! Hurray for no consequences! 
• Lady Rosamund discovers her boyfriend Lord Hepworth is a fortune hunter, but she's perfectly alright with that until she discovers he's banging her lady's maid. 
• Thomas and O'Brien, being the Catty Bitches they are, hold a number of seances with a Ouija Board in order to get away with insulting people. Mrs. Patmore eventually joins in so that she can trick the incredibly gullible Daisy into visiting William's dad.
• William's dad more or less adopts Daisy as his own daughter and it is adorable.

Things That I Liked

• Grantham and Mary
• Matthew and Mary
• Daisy and William's Dad
• Thomas calling Mrs Patmore "too fat" with the Ouija Board

Things I Didn't

• Not enough Anna and Bates
• Sir Richard being a Sir Dick

Final Remarks: Well, that's the season. It had a lot of crazy ups and downs, most of which I didn't like. The fact that Ethel had a recurring storyline but Edith and Thomas didn't irritated me to no end. Matthew and Grantham, while they redeemed themselves mightily in the Christmas Special, were pretty whiny for most of the season and the Mary-Matthew tension was severely overplayed. 

This episode, though, was pretty much lovely from beginning to end. It tied up all loose ends (except the ones required for season three), and it redeemed most of the characters (at least until they screw up in season 3). It's just a shame I couldn't say the same for the whole of the season. 

Rating: Five Reprieved Bates out of Five

Next Up: Season 1 of Veronica Mars! 

Downton Abbey 2x08: What Do You MEAN Lavinia's Sick?

We made it, you guys! We made it to the end of the season!

Er, almost. We still have a Christmas Special. But we're so close to forgetting the Amnesiac Burnface Canadian even existed!

This episode begins with Matthew and It's Only Sniffles Lavinia's wedding gearing up to go forward, and no one is really happy about it except for Ninety-Eight Degrees Lavinia - although Matthew's wearing his cutest Manful Martyr Face.

Since everyone is already swallowing their various forms of unhappiness, Sybil decides it's a perfect time to invite Branson to Downton to announce their engagement. Grantham is loud and blustery, Branson is rude and confrontational, the sky is blue and the grass is green. Sybil stands her ground, however, and refuses to back down from her commitment. Her one concession: she'll stay the week in order to avoid ruining the wedding with her inter-class shenanigans, and then she's off to Dublin to wallow in her own Irish Socialist Wedded Bliss.

Sybil and Branson's announcement throws the house into turmoil and Carson is, literally, sickened by the news - which totally harshes the buzz he got after threatening to give jobless moocher Thomas the boot. Since Carson's unable to do his duties, Moseley has to sub in - but before too long, he's keeling over too.

When both Cora and Nothing Amiss Here Lavinia (and a bunch of unseen, nameless housemaids) follow suit, it seems there's a plague a-brewin', and Dr. Clarkson drops by and declares everyone has Spanish Flu - except for Moseley, who's merely drunk because while he was sub-butlering, he sampled all the table wines like a dumbass. It's not too serious, but Dr. Clarkson adds that Spanish Flu is a "strange disease" which is code for "I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing but if I sound important enough I can't be blamed if things go south." He recommends aspirin. Because he's a genius.

Grantham responds to this new stress by sucking Old English Face with handy housemaid Jane and it is gross and awful. They are cockblocked by Bates (hooray!) and Grantham belatedly realizes that, hey, making out with the help while your wife has the flu is kind of a dick move.

Apparently Matthew has the same idea (it must run in the family) when he and Mary meet up to exchange notes. Unfortunately, Still Alive Lavinia catches them smooching. And, okay, so I've not been the biggest fan of Innocent Lamb Lavinia this season, but she's not stupid, and she tells Matthew that the last thing she wants is to be "a nuisance," but Matthew, determined to out-martyr her, brushes her off.

The next day, because his Mary-Senses are suddenly tingling, Sir Richard Carlisle decides to invite himself over to Downton to "help out" now that they're severely understaffed - and, more importantly, now that the Lavinia-shaped barrier between Matthew and Mary's love appears close to vanishing. Of course, he won't actually work - that's for Thomas, who's swallowed his pride and slithered back into his footman's livery to save himself from having to swallow other things to keep a roof over his head.

Of course, Sir Richard's Mary-Senses are as accurate as always, since Still Doing Fine Lavinia's flu means the wedding will have to be postponed. Such a Bright Future Lavinia takes this opportunity to try and break off the engagement with Matthew, and as much as I've disliked her, this scene is rather sweet and heartbreaking, since she's resigned herself to Matthew leaving her because she's "a small person, an ordinary person." It's one thing to think it, but it's another thing entirely for the weak corner of a love triangle to be aware of it.

Continuing his series of Dick Moves While His Wife is Sick, Grantham heads to Branson's hotel to ineffectively attempt to bribe him back to Ireland, and returns to find his wife has taken a serious turn for the worse. Death swerves at the last minute, however, and COMPLETELY UNEXPECTEDLY strikes down Lavinia, who ruins her previous scene by being disgustingly doormat-ish about how her death will save Matthew from having to make a hard decision. For pete's sake, Lavinia, have some pride.

Then Lavinia kicks the bucket! SHOCKER! WOW! I NEVER COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT OUTCOME.

Unfortunately for Mary, Matthew is now the Martyr King. Consumed with remorse, he's convinced Lavinia succumbed to illness because of his feelings for Mary and he rejects her on the basis that they're "cursed." Lovely.

Things proceed pretty expectedly from there. Grantham gazes soulfully at handy housemaid Jane until she quits in a fit of guilt, Thomas once again escapes being fired by the skin of his teeth (to the frustration of all his coworkers!), and Anna and Bates manage to get married and have some sexytimes in one of the fancy bedrooms before he's dragged off to prison for allegedly murdering his Crazy Wife Vera.

At least we still have a Christmas Special to look forward to!

Some Other Things That Happened:

• Ethel's grandbabydaddy tries to buy her baby off her, but she refuses. 
• Daisy keeps getting invitations to visit William's father, which make her uncomfortable

Awesome Things

• O'Brien's dedicated and repentant care for Cora in her sickbed - she comes this close to confessing to her season one soap crime.
• Anna ordering Bates to get off his Angsty Ass and marry her posthaste
• Mary and Matthew's long awaited kiss. About damn time!
• Thomas grovelling. Always a plus. 

Less-Than-Awesome Things

• Ethel. Ugh.
• Lavinia's deathbed martyr crap. 
• Grantham + Housemaid Jane = GROSS AND AWFUL

Final Remarks: I liked this episode, but nothing was really a shock or surprise. We all knew Lavinia had it coming, Thomas is too Pretty and Deliciously Evil to get rid of entirely, and Bates and Anna were clearly too happy with their situation for it to last. I also found it rather annoying how easily Matthew keeps coming up with excuses not be happy - he's so cute when he's happy and so annoying when he's being Mopey Martyr Matthew.

Rating: Seven Jealous Fiances out of Ten