The Weekly Wanting (3)

It's that time of the week again! Time to talk about which books I discovered that I've totally glommed on!

Kill Me Softly, by Sarah Cross
Genre: Fantasy YA
Story: A teenage orphan with mysterious parentage returns to the town of her birth and finds that it's full of dark, creepy fairy-tale characters and ancient curses.
Why I Want It? I love fairy-tale retellings!
I saw this around the blogosphere, but I wasn't sure what to think about the pretty, but still cheesy-as-hell cover. But reading the description from a Booksmugglers' Radar post sealed the deal. Sounds like what Once Upon A Time would have been like if it wasn't trying to suck up to the Disney channel.

Anna and the French Kiss, by Stephanie Perkins
Genre: Contemporary YA
Story: A Southern girl is unexpectedly shipped off to a boarding school in Paris, and has a lovely romantic adventure.
Why I Want It? A buttload of fabulous reviews.
Honestly, I've seen this book EVERYWHERE on the YA blogs for a couple of years, but I really wasn't all that interested in it. The cover makes it look fluffy and insubstantial and the plot didn't sound like anything special. HOWEVER, so MANY blogs have picked it as one of their favourite YA titles that maybe I should find this one at the library and see what all the fuss is about.

Bumped, Megan McCafferty
Genre: Future Dystopian YA
Story: In a world where everyone over 18 becomes infertile, teens are hired by the old to have babies in return for wealth and status - and two sisters have to struggle with whether or not they should.
Why I Want It? Intriguing idea, also - humour!
Look, I've been mainly avoiding the current YA craze of dystopian fantasies, with a few exceptions. I do like dark, layered, conflict-driven stories, but there is a thin line between dark and layered and A TOTAL DEPRESSING BUMMER (think the last two books of The Hunger Games. Do not want!). However, I was attracted to Bumped by a review for its sequel, Thumped, from Pure Imagination. When I looked up the review for the first book at Forever Young Adult (now one of my fave blogs and right up there with the BookSmugglers as my Foremost YA Review Authority) where it mentioned that it's more of a satire, with a comedic future view of a world where teen pregnancy is cool and everyone's doing it! The comedic nature made me want to check it out.

Fury, by Elizabeth Miles
Genre: Horror YA
Story: Two flawed teenagers in a small Maine town find themselves terrorized by modern incarnations of the vengeful Greek Furies.
Why I Want It? A great Booksmugglers review.
*sigh* I love the Booksmugglers - when they mentioned their excitement for Envy (the sequel), I looked up the review for the first book. Normally I'm really put off by horror and psychological thrillers, but I love Greek mythology as well as dark small-town settings.

Enchanted, Alethea Kontis
Genre: Fantasy-Romance YA
Story: An overlooked seventh daughter of a seventh daughter befriends a frog and bestows a kiss upon it - unfortunately she leaves before he changes back into a Prince! Now that his toes are no longer webbed, how can he re-woo the girl who looks on him as a stranger?
Why I Want It? Another fairy-tale retelling!
Chalk this up as another one for Pure Imagination! I read the review of it and I knew I wanted to read it! I've always loved The Frog Prince story - it's kind of a role-reversal of Beauty and the Beast, where the one who's enchanted is actually brave and valiant, while the Princess is the one who is spoiled and selfish. It doesn't look to be quite like that in this book, but it has princesses and magic in it so I'm sold! I just have to wait until it's released on May 8th, 2012.

What books are you looking forward to?

"Scoundrel's Kiss," by Carrie Lofty

The Chick: Ada of Keyworth. After enduring terrible torture in England, opium was the only thing that soothed her nightmares to carry her through the night. Now, it's the only thing that'll get her through the day, too.
The Rub: When a patronizing, hypocritical but devastatingly sexy monk tries to help her with her addiction, can she overcome being wholly vulnerable with a man she barely knows?
Dream Casting: Felicia Day.

The Dude: Gavriel de Marqueda. A novice in the Order of Santiago, he is charged with helping a drug-addled, obviously fallen woman achieve salvation as his final task before taking holy orders.
The Rub: He needs to get into the Order, because he believes it's the only way to hide from his brutal past - but Ada is not going to make it easy on him, or his vows of chastity and pacifism.
Dream Casting: Tom Welling.

The Plot:

Gavriel: I really really want to get into the Order of Santiago so I'll stop wanting to kill people!

Evil Monk Master: Here! Cure this feisty, spirited girl of her opium addiction!

Ada: NO! NONONONONONONO...

Three Days Later..

Ada: No!

Gavriel: Don't you WANT to be cured of your addiction?

Ada: Not if it means being held hostage by condescending men of God! I won't take that lying down! However, if you're interested in what I WOULD take lying down...

Gavriel: SORRY NOPE VOW OF CHASTITY!

Suspicious Guards: Somebody order external conflict?

Gavriel: Crap! I need to defend you but I took a vow of pacifism!

Ada: Vow shmow!

Gavriel: GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! *takes weapon, kills a bunch of people* Crap, now I have killer's remorse.

Ada: ...I think that's just regular remorse.

Gavriel: DO YOU WANT TO GET IT ON OR NOT?

Ada: Okay, okay...

Gavriel: Just let me self-flagellate first.

Ada: Wait what?

Evil Monk Master and His Henchman: Time for more evil!

Gavriel: Yeah, I'm done with this angst. More sword fighty killing goodness!

Bad Guys: *killed and be-handed*

Ada: HOORAY!

Romance Convention Checklist:

1 Inconvenient Addiction

Several Sequel-Baiting Side Characters

1 Almost-Romantic Scene in a Flaming Bathhouse

Several Bouts of Self-Punishment

1 Evil Monk

1 Very Bad Dad

The Word: I honestly can't believe it.

Three books in a row.

Maybe DNFing that first one was like a gateway drug. Maybe making it easier on myself to put a book down when it's not entertaining has made me less tolerant of books that drag.

At least this book started interestingly enough - our heroine is Ada, the bitchtacular sister of Meg from Carrie Lofty's debut novel, What A Scoundrel Wants. The hero of the previous book (Will Scarlet) was responsible for Ada landing in a dungeon for fabricating false jewels, where she was later tortured by the villainous Sheriff. When Meg refused to renounce her relationship with Will, Ada cut Meg off and skedaddled to the Continent to make her own way.

Unfortunately, her own way led her down the treacherous path of opium addiction, and she winds up at a slave auction in a brothel in Spain to cover her debts. There, she is rescued by Gavriel, a novice who seeks to take holy orders with the Order of Santiago. His master, Pancheco, informs him that his final trial - the task that will determine his acceptance into the Order - is to bring Ada back to the path of righteousness.

Gavriel's life depends on that righteousness, for he's on the run from a dark, murderous past of his own and he believes acceptance into the Order will shield him from the enemies he made in his old life as a soldier as well as repress his own violent, vengeful urges. However, Ada refuses to be under any man's power ever again, and when Gavriel defends her against an oblivious and insensitive physician, they wind up kicked out of their shelter and they have to fend for themselves. This includes fighting off suspicious amounts of well-armed bandits and guards, leading them to discover they're both embroiled in a dangerous conspiracy of courtiers and kings.

It all sounds lovely and interesting on paper, but the pacing takes a nosedive after Ada and Gavriel are kicked out of the shelter. The fight scenes are overly wordy and lifeless, the protagonists' banter is flat and inconsistent, and the ultimate conspiracy is a McGuffin that doesn't require any emotional investment.

I found I couldn't connect to either character, and one of the reasons was the conflicting themes. Gavriel serves under three vows in the hopes of being accepted into the Order: obedience, chastity, and pacifism. Three vows that, quite honestly, aren't anything new or outrageous within holy orders, but for some reason Ada views them as especially egregious and horrid and spends most of the book tempting Gavriel to break them.

I wasn't bothered by Ada's opposition to the vow of chastity - Gavriel's a hot piece of half-Berber ass and taking a vow of chastity in a romance novel is like painting a bull's-eye on your junk with glow-in-the-dark paint. However, Ada continually links Gavriel's identity to one of violence - she's always saying that he isn't a monk. She sees him as a warrior, and believes his vows repress his true nature. Given how much her fear of violent men caused her to retreat from life and become addicted to opium, I couldn't understand her opposition to the hero's pacifism.

Ada's perspective is certainly limited and flawed, and that's okay, but Gavriel had reasons - entirely justified and admirable reasons - for giving up violence. I actually respected him more when I thought he was a hero who shunned combat. Nonetheless, he returns to it really easily. So violence is good?

However, fighting hurts Gavriel's soul and increases his mental anguish. So it's bad, now? Which is it? Is Gavriel suppressing his manly-man fighting spirit by abstaining from violence or is he saving himself from future hurt?

It honestly seemed like both a cop-out and a lost opportunity - one aspect of the book is how Gavriel's intelligence is constantly underestimated. It would have been interesting to watch Gavriel come up with cunning and strategic ways to defuse situations without resorting to violence. Instead we just read how easily he succumbs to temptation and picks up a sword again - all the while being incredibly mopey and angsty about it, and that's not interesting to read about at all.

Around page 209, I started skimming. Thankfully, it doesn't look like I missed much - there is a surprisingly large amount of sequel baiting in the final quarter of the book along with self-flagellation (!), the evil guys are evil, and Gavriel does the self-sacrificing thing and muddies the thematic waters even more by violently defeating the villains, only he doesn't do it AS violently as he would have a year ago. Progress?

I tried with this one, really, I did, but it looks like I've just had a run of terrible luck with books. This next book, however, I SWEAR I'll finish. You can hold me to it - with pitchforks and torches.
DNF

You can purchase "Scoundrel's Kiss" here.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top Ten Deceiving Books

So part of my new focus on my blog is my decision to try and participate in more memes. Not every week, and maybe not always the same meme, but if the meme makes me think and examine how and what I've read, that's when I decide to put my feet in.

Today I'm participating in Top Ten Tuesday, hosted by The Broke and the Bookish. This week's theme is the Top Ten Books That Were Totally Deceiving - i.e. books whose covers and/or descriptions are completely at odds with the book I wound up reading. I decided to jump in because for me, that's a challenge. I'm expanding my reading now, but before? I read almost exclusively romance, which is known for covers that use standard stock photos of shirtless dudes in varying period wear rather than anything that really imparts the plot. But eventually, I came up with a pretty good list:

1. Beguilement (Sharing Knife, Volume 1), by Lois McMaster Bujold

From the back cover, I was expecting this to be a fantastic, adventurous fantasy quest tale. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when it turned into a slog of a roadtrip romance with loads of angst and little actual action or magic! Purchase here.

2. Games of Command, by Linnea Sinclair

This cover makes it look like a late 80s hard sci-fi rock opera, am I right? You'd never guess it was a romance novel with a sci-fi setting! That's how I tried to trick my dad into reading it (with a piece of scotch tape hiding the "romance" tag on the spine). In recent years, the publishers actually have tried to give it a more romance-y cover. Purchase here.

3. The Runaway Duke, by Julie Anne Long

I loathed this book, and romances are known for oblivious covers, but this one really takes the cake - it's a stock photo with cutesy pink and purple colours, it makes it look like a frothy Cinderella-esque comedy of manners. Instead, it's another (sigh) roadtrip romance, this time between a bubbleheaded heroine who wants to be a doctor and would probably never be caught dead in a dress that colour, and a creepy older hero. Purchase here.

4. The Hazards of Hunting a Duke, by Julia London

This one was a pleasant surprise - despite the pastel-coloured cover of vague Regency houses and the cloying title, both of which are traditionally given to lighter, historical romance comedies, Hazards was a surprisingly layered, darker, and more introspective read, with some well-drawn characters. Purchase here.

5. In for a Penny, by Rose Lerner

This cover still puzzles me - it's very unusual for an historical romance novel (no headless ladies in billowing gowns or heroes with their shirts billowing open), but at the same time, it's even more vague. This cover doesn't indicate anything about ANY plot, much less the entertaining, realistic, and historically relevant one of In For a Penny. I would never have glanced twice at this in a bookstore - thank God for a referral from the brilliant Booksmugglers! Purchase here.

6. Under Fire, by Jo Davis

Okay, so this was one where the description on the back was deceiving. The back cover blurb says it's about a shy, virginal firefighter who falls for an exotic dancer heroine. I was excited for this book, because I really love romances that turn sexual gender roles on their heads - i.e., pairing a dominant, sexually-experienced heroine with an inexperienced hero. Unfortunately, we get a lukewarm romance where the "sharp tongued" exotic dancer is only doing it to get through nursing school (that trope's older than I am!) and the hero's "nerdiness" is told rather than shown. Bleh. If you're still interested, you can purchase it here.

7. If His Kiss Is Wicked, by Jo Goodman.

LOOK at this cover. It's a big giant head. With fuzz on it. It looks like a cover for some scuzzy self-published erotic romance - not like the cover of a thoughtful and engrossing historical romance with a captivating mystery. Look past the sleazy man-model and give this book a try! Purchase here.

8. Lord of Legends, by Susan Krinard.

This one is also a Big Giant Head, but the reason this Big Giant Head cover is super-deceiving is that NEITHER main character looks like this guy. The hero is a unicorn who was turned into a human - a human with SILVER hair and bright blue eyes. So who's the schmuck on the cover? Purchase here.


9. How to Knit a Wild Bikini, by Christie Ridgway.

I LOVED this book, but the bright colours of the cover combined with the cute knitting-inspired title completely belie the surprisingly dark story and tortured heroine. This is a great emotional read with a secret-nurturer hero, but don't expect a fluffy beach read! Purchase here.

10. The Kiss, by Sophia Nash.
I could wax rhapsodic about the gorgeous cover and simple, suggestive title for hours, but the fact remains that a beautiful package doesn't guarantee equally good contents. The "kiss" in the book doesn't have very much chemistry, and the heroine is a sappy sadsack doormat. Best avoided. Purchase here

"Storm Glass," by Maria V. Snyder

The Protagonist: Opal Cowan. Teased at magic school for being a One-Trick Wonder, when she's sent out on a special glass-making mission for a team of storm wizards, she discovers she may have a hidden talent after all.
Her Angst: But will she ever be able to overcome her own fear of losing the people she cares about, just like she lost her sister?

The Secondary Cast:

Zitora Cowan: A distant relative of Opal and the second most powerful magician in the land. Accompanies Opal on her mission to the Stormdancers.

Kade: Love Interest #1 - a cute, angsty Stormdancer. Unfortunately, he's still mourning the loss of his sister and is determined to never ever get close to anyone again. Ever. Good luck with that.

Ulrick: Love Interest #2 - a whiny, self-involved worrywart glassmaker who requires constant updates on Opal's whereabouts and doesn't like her wandering around alone. Yeah, you're not much of a catch, either.

Devlan: An evil, blue-eyed magician who wants to capture Opal and possess her power for himself. Despite their incredibly creepy history, Opal and Devlan share more chemistry than either Legitimate Love Interest.

Pazia: Super BitchFace Rival who must team up with Opal to track down a merchant selling fake diamonds.

Magical Angst Checklist:

• Low Self-Esteem
• Hidden Talents
  
• Recovering From the Death of a Loved One
• Accidentally having sex with a bodyswitched person
• Self-Confidence
  

The Word: I seem to be having a spate of bad luck. First, I picked up Tempted By His Kiss and was done in by its utter lack of originality. To replace it, I chose Storm Glass, a book I'd had signed at RWA 2009, and was subsequently bored out of my mind.

Must be something in the water.

To this book's credit, it does have a more or less original premise and actual stuff that happens, so I managed to make it to page 300 before skimming like mad to get to the end.

Opal Cowan is a glass maker and a student magician - however, she's known around her school as the One-Trick Wonder. She's only really able to put magic into the glass she makes, she's not actually capable of handling or controlling it herself. After four years of study, she hasn't made any progress, and she feels more than a little useless.

Until she's summoned by the Master Magicians for a special mission: the Stormdancer Clan is in trouble - their magicians protect the coastline from vicious weather and produce cheap energy sources for their factories at the same time by harnessing the power of thunderstorms into specially-made glass orbs. However, someone has been sabotaging the orbs and two Stormdancers have already died from using inferior glass. Opal's expertise in imbuing glass with magic might help the Stormdancers discover why their orbs aren't working and how to make better ones before the next storm hits. However, there are nefarious forces at work who don't want the Stormdancers to receive aid, and they're willing to go to any lengths to prevent Opal and her mentor Zitora from completing their mission.

Well, that's really only the first part of the mission, and one that leads Opal on an unfocused, angsty-heavy, and increasingly dull journey that, frustratingly, comes to rely very strongly on elements from a previous trilogy in which Opal was a character.

My first problem isn't completely the book's fault. While it's the first of a series, it's connected to a previous trilogy by the author (Poison Study, Magic Study, Fire Study) and a lot of the events from the past books are not only referenced but important to this book's storyline, so yes, I felt left out and it bothered me. If the aspects of the previous series were so important to this book, why wasn't it included in that series instead of hailed as the start of a new one?

However, that aspect would have only been an annoyance, not a deal breaker, if not for the fact that this book rapidly loses narrative steam about halfway in. The start of the novel is a solid piece of writing - we have a focused goal, a heroine with problems of self-esteem to overcome, and an Angsty Tortured Love Interest (Kade, a Stormdancer grieving for his lost sister). However, around the midway point, Opal's suddenly working on six different goals at once (saving the Stormdancers, not getting kidnapped, tracking down sellers of fake diamonds, not getting killed, investigating a possible coup in the Moon clan, starting up her own glass shop), she gets another love interest (the annoying, overprotective and whiny Ulrick) and she does it all in a really slow way.

The pacing is ridiculously slack. Opal's - and by that connection, the story's - focus is scattered and her actions are passive and reactive. More time is spent setting up and explaining the various storylines and developments with tedious expository dialogue and scenes (as well as Opal moping and whining about her Two Love Interests) than there is of Opal actively doing things - until the Bad Guys find her and attack. The book's basically comprised of long, slow expository periods broken up by short bursts of action and reaction.

With this many goals, despite liking the heroine, I wasn't able to get invested in any of the particular plots or subplots since I couldn't really tell which ones were the subplots and which plot was supposed to be the major one. I've never before encountered a novel that manages to have so much going on without anything really happening.

That being said, I liked the heroine. I understood her feelings of inadequacy and her low confidence - she's surrounded by powerful magicians with amazing talents, but she feels she only has one marginally useful skill. She sometimes feels the only reason she's permitted to study in the magical school at all is thanks to her connections to the influential heroine of Snyder's previous trilogy, and she believes she's scorned and looked down upon by the other students because of that. She's also still coming to terms with the truly gruesome death of her sister Tula (again, something that happened in previous books).

Sadly, one great character does not a good book make. Both of her Love Interests are kind of duds, and no one else really sticks out. The worldbuilding is only okay - it's solid, consistent and makes sense, but it's not too detailed and fails to draw me in to its world. I skimmed after page 300 - but I noticed the pattern of many pages of inaction followed by sudden action (and one incredibly dark, twisty turn that I'm not sure how I feel about) stayed the same. With some tighter editing and faster pacing, I might have really liked Storm Glass. As it is, it couldn't hold my attention.
C

Disagree? Get Storm Glass, by Maria V. Snyder here.

The Weekly Wanting (2)

Jesus Christ is risen! Alleluia! Happy Easter readers - it's time for the Weekly Wanting. The gist? Books I discovered from blogs and word of mouth and the Internets that sound impossibly good! This week's unintentional theme seems to be "things I normally wouldn't read, except --":

My Beating Teenage Heart, by C.K. Kelly Martin

Genre: YA
Why I Want It? An intriguing review!
I first heard about this book from the excellent review blog, Stacked. It's the story of a spirit, Ashlyn, who doesn't remember who she is or how she died, who somehow latches onto a mourning teenage boy, whose own pain is mysteriously tied to her own. I'm not usually huge into ghost stories, but the review (which stated that it's not a straight paranormal nor a strict contemporary, rather a speculative mix of the two) sold me.

Not Wicked Enough, by Carolyn Jewel

Genre: Historical Romance
Why I Want It? Carolyn Jewel!
Carolyn Jewel's Indiscreet is the novel that kept me reading in the lobby of my hotel on the last day I was in Ireland. Ireland! It was that good! Not Wicked Enough involves Hot Brothers and magical Gypsy Medallions - things that would make me run the hell away in the other direction if written by Lisa Kleypas but Carolyn Jewel managed to sell me on a Turkish Harem Escape story so I'm sure it will be awesome!

Glimmer, by Phoebe Kitanidis

Genre: YA with a paranormal twist
Why I Want It? An intriguing story.

Honestly, I've had this on my Wishlist since February so I don't actually remember where I first heard about it. I was turned off at first by the truly fugly cover and the storyline of People With Amnesia + Creepy Ghost Town. However, something about the story's description - where our memory-compromised protagonists find themselves in a town that seems to have literally forgotten all the Bad History that happened to them - sparked my interest. I mean, wouldn't you want your nosy hometown to forget all about your sucky dirty laundry? But what if it meant forgetting everything else? Unfortunately, this novel isn't out until April 17th.

Range of Ghosts, by Elizabeth Bear

Genre: Straight up fantasy, y'all!
Why I Want It: The setting sounds fantastic!
Elizabeth Bear is always one of those people I've wanted to read. Years ago I followed her blog a lot because she made it very obvious that she wrote a lot and I thought that reading about her writing a lot would guilt me into doing the same (nope!). I'm a fiend when it comes to writing nonfiction (I wrote my latest not-yet-released Heroes and Heartbreakers article in about 2 hours - in bed!) but holy crap writing fiction for me takes discipline that I currently do not have outside of NaNoWriMo.

ANYHOOS I always wanted to read one of her books, so I read Hammered and was so not engaged by any of it, at all. So I nursed my disappointment and left her alone, although Carnival is still on my TBR. But I've noticed detachment is usually my response to science fiction, and now she's writing an epic fantasy, and y'all, I loves me some epic fantasies. In my mid-teens I totally thought that it's the size that counts and bought fantasies based on how thick they were - and sometimes they worked (Tad Williams), sometimes they really worked (Robin Hobb and Kate Elliott) and sometimes they were so stupid/silly they made me tear my hair out but keep reading because of how stupid/silly they were (Mickey Zucker Reichert), and sometimes I just had to put them down (Melanie Rawn's Sunrunner series - her "heroine" burning a naked woman alive and stealing her baby and telling him that her real mother deserved a horrible naked burning death and that he should have been hers was kind of a deal breaker).

And not only is this epic fantasy - it's one set in a NON-MEDIEVAL EUROPE-ISH SETTING! Yes! And it looks totally awesome and it's already available for me at the library so it's likely what I'm going to be reading soon.

My Life Next Door, by Huntley Fitzpatrick

Genre: Contemporary YA
Why I Want It: It sounds like a sweet romantic angsty story.

I found out about this book through Katiebabs and her Upcoming Releases post. Our heroine, Samantha, has always envied the loud, loving family of her next door neighbour Jase. When they start up a romance, she kind of falls in love with his family, too. But what happens when she's forced to choose? I love big family stories - even though they're so difficult to get right in fiction. Sadly, it's not out until June 14!

And that's it for me! What books are you guys desperately wanting? Comments are open!

"Tempted by His Kiss," by Tracy Anne Warren - the 100 Page Drop

The Word: As I discovered while reading Meljean Brook's Demon Moon, life's too short to read boring books (note the word choice - bad books can still be really entertaining!).

As it happens, I had a terrible first impression going in to Tempted By His Kiss. There was absolutely nothing about this book that stuck out as interesting or particularly original. It just seemed so tired and done before - and this was just in the first chapter. So I set myself a goal - I'll read the first 100 pages, and if the novel doesn't pick itself up from the Bare Minimum of Writing Effort by then, off to the secondhand bookstore it goes!

Well, here you are and here am I, and I'm already reading something different. But that doesn't mean you guys won't get a review.

Tempted By His Kiss is the first in Warren's series about a wa-ha-hacky English clan of Crazy Hot Angsty Dudes (and The Token Crazy Hot Sister). The language is the standard exaggerated, repetitive style that permits sweeping blanket descriptions without actually putting anything in detail - the perfect style for wallpaper historicals. Seriously, I wanted to take a red pen and scratch out every last appallingly redundant use of the words "feminine" and "masculine" as adjectives. We're romance readers - I think we can infer that the lady is ladylike and the man is manly. Move on, please.

Anyway, our hero is Cade Byron, and we know he's the hero because his presence allows me to scratch off the Hot Recluse, Empathy-Baiting War Injury, and Sad Spy Past squares on my Regency Hero Bingo Card.

He's drinking alone and brooding, having literally nothing better to do with his time, when our heroine barges into his house and demands his hospitality. I'm not exaggerating. It's the middle of a blizzard, there's no one around for miles, and her carriage has broken down so she basically calls him out for not bringing out the welcome mat to a total stranger. Cade eventually acquiesces (even though the heroine, Meg Amberley, is SUPER RUDE) because he's not a total ass, but he still intends to keep to himself.

But NO. Meg is not only SUPER RUDE, but SUPER INVASIVE and ENTITLED. Pretty soon, she's barging in on his privacy and criticizing his personal life and, within the FIRST DAY, starts making uninvited comments about Cade's hand-waved Angst-Device Alcoholism. I'm sorry, you do just DO NOT make comments about a person's addictions the first day after they've let you shack up in their house. I'm pretty sure Emily Post dedicated an entire page to that, somewhere.

And on top of having the standard "feisty marshmallow innocent" personality and a total lack of boundaries, Meg is described as a lithesome white-blond angel with gorgeous blue eyes and teeny-tiny hands. There are seriously too many words used to describe how tiny her hands are. I mean, it's alright to use it once when it's in a direct comparison to the hero's, but I mean, tiny hands don't seem hot to me - they just remind me of this:
So anyway, Meg beats Cade at chess and gets him to open up more and they make happytimes of the "told instead of shown" variety. Yawn.

Eventually things take a turn for the creepy when Cade slips on some ice and lands on his Injured Thigh of Angst and has to take some laudanum to get some sleep. Laudanum, unfortunately, gives him terrible Exposition Nightmares, where we learn his horrible past where his French peasant girlfriend was raped and murdered when his spy cover was blown.

Wow. Okay - that's some legitimately dark material Cade has to work through. I kind of get the reclusiveness and the hand-waved alcoholism - but then Meg RUINS IT.

Meg, SHE WHO HAS NO BOUNDARIES, hears him cry out and goes into his bedroom to investigate. While he's moaning in very obvious distress, Meg takes a moment to admire how sexy he is - you know, when he's writhing in the midst of narcotic-fuelled night terrors. So hot. Then she decides to calm him down by stroking and petting him.

WITH THESE.

At this point, Cade appears to come to, and almost immediately starts pawing her boobs. Meg knows this is completely inappropriate but Cade is apparently SO GOOD that even half-drunk and coming out of a coke dream he's too seductive for Meg to resist. Until he murmurs another girl's name - then Meg gets all hurt and realizes she doesn't want to date-rape him after all, and skedaddles.

Cade finds her hair ribbon in his bed the next morning, however, and concludes that two plus two makes semi-consensual sexytimes. They only have time for about half of One Incredibly Awkward Conversation before a Human Plot Device barges into Cade's house (LIKE, SERIOUSLY, CADE, DO YOU NEVER LOCK YOUR DOORS?) and spots the two of them and suddenly they must Fake an Engagement to save Meg's reputation, and of course faking an engagement absolutely requires Meg meet Cade's Sequel-Baiting Family.

And that was the 100-page mark. I very lightly skimmed the rest to see if anything else of note occurred - OF COURSE Cade's family is perfectly loving and inviting, because there have NEVER been ANY families who disagree on certain points, and of COURSE they love Meg TO PIECES, because there have never been wives who have been disliked by their in-laws in the history of time. Tracy Anne Warren steals feathers from the caps of Quinn, Ashley and Balogh by having an Older Brother Responsible Duke character doubtless reserved for the last novel in the series.

I mean, I get it, sort of - it's the "fantasy" element of romance where the heroine who has no family is adopted into a large, happy one. BUT - every other romance novel with a family does this. Every dynamic has been done before, none of this is original or captivating. This novel offers NOTHING new to the genre at all.

Eventually, an evil French spy returns to plague Cade, but no one believes Cade, his alcoholism is magically hand-waved away because he's got the love of a good woman and at one point Meg manages to stretch her itsy-bitsy digits around the trigger of a gun and shoot someone.

"Don't move or I'll shoot!"

Blah. No thanks. Again, the only scene that really got a rise out of me was the coke-dream scene, but other than that - it was just bad. And not even uniquely bad in an entertaining way - just bad and familiar enough to be annoying.

So I'm off to greener reading pastures!
DNF

Still curious? Purchase "Tempted By His Kiss" here.