Monday, June 30, 2014

Once Upon a Blogger: "The Pack of Ragamuffins"

So there's this Cock, see? I mean a rooster, you dirty birds. So this Cock takes his sweet lady Hen up to a hill to eat a bunch of nuts. But by the end of the day, the Hen is too full to walk back home.

Hen: "Why don't you make these nutshells into a carriage and drive me home?"

Cock: "Why don't you make these nutshells into a time machine and keep yourself from eating so damn much?"

But the Cock knows his access to his Hen's all-white meat chicken breasts will be pretty limited if it he doesn't come up with something. Thankfully, a Duck appears - enraged at the Cock for eating all of the nuts on her hill. She attacks the Cock but gets her ass royally handed to her and winds up hitched to the nutshell carriage in punishment.

While they're driving along, they also pick up a Needle and a Pin who are hitchhiking by the side of the road because they're too drunk to drive themselves (for reals), and eventually come to a stop at an inn whose keeper is kind of a racist, at least against non-human sentient creatures/objects. They bribe the reluctant innkeeper with the promise of eggs from the Hen and the Duck in return for a place to stay.

Of course, the Cock is kind of a dick, so the next morning, he and his Hen eat their egg, stick the sleeping Needle in the innkeeper's towel and the sleeping Pin in the innkeeper's chair and hightail it out of there without paying a damn thing. The Duck wakes up soon after, thinks, "I am not going to jail again for this!" and flies away.

So instead of getting payment, the innkeeper gets slashed in the face by the towel-Needle and jabbed in the ass by the chair-Pin - which doesn't sooth his non-human prejudice one little bit.

Not Suitable For Children:
  • LOL, cocks
  • LOL, nuts
  • LOL, chicken breasts
  • LOL
  • Poultry-on-Poultry violence
Points Added For:
  • The idea of a Pin and a Needle sharing a beer with their local Tailor is just so adorable. Get on this, PIXAR!
Points Deducted For:
  • Dude, while it must suck for the Needle to wake up to find a bloody human face all up in its business, WTF did that poor Pin do to deserve waking up beneath a gigantic human ass?
And the moral of the story is: Cocks are dicks.

Rating: Three inebriated inanimate objects out of five.

1 comment:

  1. Barb in Maryland12:46 PM

    Thank you soooo much for doing this project. Your mini-reviews are my guaranteed giggle of the day. My fave so far is the one about the badass goat mom. Priceless! but all of them are good.